brightlotusmoon: (Asha)
'Reborn' by Laura Sava (anotherwanderer.deviantart.com/)
'Mirabella' by Rachel Anderson (www.silverstars.us/‎)

Two forms of my own story character, Asha Clara Night, my strongest, most individual, most personal fiction character.

These paintings. Completely different images that look almost exactly like incarnations of the same character of my own subconscious creation Women who look almost exactly like the dreamself I am becoming in my dreams and visions.

Laura-sava-Reborn

Rachel Anderson Mirabella


She was in my dreams last night and many nights before. I haven't decided exactly who she is yet, but in my dreams her name is Asha, meaning "desire, hope, hopeful; life; alive; she who lives." Which says so much, so so much.

She is another dreamself, not a spirit guardian, but much closer to my Self than my other characters (Alicia, Serena, Ananta: my spirit guardian coping mechanisms for epilepsy, memory loss, insomnia, sleep problems, [Alicia], chronic pain and fatigue, depression, anxiety, physical disabilities [Serena], neurology, neurodivergence, autism, total mind-body connection [Ananta].

Asha seems to represent many internal things about my emotions, my heart and mind, my rhyme and reason, my logic, my science, my creativeness and creativity, my power, my energy, my beauty. If she were to reveal herself as a guardian, she would be for emotional states, creative thoughts, desires, loves, patterns, ideas.
Asha is definitely powerful in a way I always wanted to be since childhood: Fae and and Elemental Mage and Neurodivergent and Autistic Witch and Quantum Magic Scientist and Story Crafter and Shape Shifter and Magic Librarian and Magic Keeper.

Asha seems to represent my deep, obsessive, compulsive wish and desire to be one of the psionic-mage superhumans in my stories, to take over for be when I feel failure and self-loathing and terror and panic. I think Asha may in fact be an actual entity, one who communicates outside instead of simply speaking into my visions, dreams, pain flare withdrawings, anxiety attacks.

All I know is that Asha was in every dream last night and throughout the past several sleeps, long detailed intense dreams, and she quoted Kosh. She spoke in a soprano version of my voice that could sing. She was always here She is always here. She has always been here.
I think she was with me since I was a baby. In different forms, in different species, with different names, in different imaginary beings, in different fictional characters. She was made of fire. She used to be a phoenix, a unicorn, a dragon, a star, a nebula. I know Asha. I know Asha in the way I hope to know myself.

The thing is, Asha has a fully active voice when I am completely conscious, aware, awake, functional, and stable. She didn't completely create herself, but she grew and evolved over my lifetime in her own way as a character in my subconscious. She took ideas I worked with and wove them into her personality, behavior, and mentality. My disabilities are hers. She stayed and changed and grew with me like a permanent piece of my spirit. Asha also represents my fluid sexuality - I often visit her in the place she calls home and we make love, representing my desires for love and orientation.

She lives with Alicia in the Wonderland cottage, but she freely moves about my brain more often. She shapeshifts into elemental energies, she moves around my hippocampus and amygdala and temporal lobes and cingulate gyrus and thalamus and auditory cortex and somatosensory cortex and parital lobe and the back of my brain.
She has altered the Wonderland cottage to be something else entirely, with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, two office rooms, a large entertainment living room, a large kitchen, a basement. The outside build would contain concrete, cement, hemp and limestone, bamboo, steel. The glass windows are shatterproof. The doors are hemp-lime and timber. That must say something about my mind's inner workings. Especially since the main reason for hemp being illegal is due to its threat to corporate patentable synthetic fibers and wood and paper product industries, while the medicinal drug potential became subject to false claims and fear mongering alarm campaigns until the original industrial potential became buried under the alarmist anti drug campaigns. Part of me probably knows how powerful this is. Medicine from nature itself and the human brain itself is usually denied and seen as worthless.

Asha represents that part of me that firmly supports the controversial balance of traditional pharmaceutical medicine and nontraditional botanical medicine.
Asha is my activism and advocacy. Asha is the fire that moves my belief in the combination of synthetic drugs and organic drugs. Asha is the phoenix in me that rises after every defeat, every failure, every attack, every oppression, every attack and assault on my truths and faiths.

Throughout many names, faces, back stories, lives, personalities, and individual growths... she has always been Asha Clara Night. And this is how she asked me to look so I could see that there is beauty deep and shining.

I must find and thank the artists for these images, since I found myself taking these pieces of artwork and subconsciously turning them into incarnations of my own fictional character.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151978626835684&l=17dde55bf4

Asha may well be the character in that second novel after all. It won't be this Asha, my Asha; just a version, a more humanized incarnation I can bring out to show the public. This excites me. She could help me write it, just by living in my mind.
brightlotusmoon: (Snow White Blood Red Light Pale)
I must quote this, because it struck me deeply and knocked me over and stunned me and amazed me.

*****
From: [livejournal.com profile] naamah_darling.
I don't know if I can explain it, any more than I can explain why I find anyone amazing, but you're open about what you are and what you are going through. You don't expend energy trying to be normal, and you never seem to even want to. You aren't afraid of what you ARE, even when the things that HAPPEN, sometimes because of things that you are, are scary. You seem sometimes scared of things that happen or that you (body/chemistry) do to you, but not scared of yourself, really. You're fierce. You're . . . we don't have a word for it. The way in which children and animals are alike, that we *call* innocence, but isn't innocence, it's just a kind of transparency and guilelessness-without-cluelessness. You're contradictory, and this isn't a problem. You've imposed . . . not order . . . but some sort of reason and meaning and story on the chaos in your life, and you have made beautiful things out of it inside you. You persist. You change, you are not destroyed. You're mercurial, joyful in the sense of being flat-out at everything you feel and not in the sense of being always happy, you're generous, you're very kind, you're forgiving. You aren't afraid to spend a lot of time working with and understanding yourself, because you know that is important. You are more people than just-the-one-you you. You are comfortable working with shape and meaning and color, when words aren't good enough. Whole parts of you are indescribable. You're a *good person*, while still being strong and fierce, and that is overwhelmingly obvious to anyone with half a synapse. You belong in fairy tales, like so many of the rest of us, writing better endings. You're kind of amazing.

And tangentially, THAT is why when people are all like "disabled people are so inspirational!" I get kinda pissed on the grounds of "THESE PEOPLE THAT I KNOW, they are SO MUCH MORE than a stepping stone for your ego or a friendly reassurance that hey, if those people can manage to get themselves to a beach/a gym/on a horse, you have a good chance of not being an utter asshole failure your entire life, and accomplishing REALLY important things!" and at the same time am like "No, really, we ARE inspirational; you have no fucking idea how 'inspirational' the disabled folks I know are . . . and if you had one iota of their self-awareness you might not be saying such asinine crap."
You want to find disabled people "inspirational?" I'll accept that . . . if what you are finding "inspirational" is their honesty in speaking out and sharing their opinions, their desire to help others, their weapons-grade swearing vocabulary (so many disabled people I know HAVE THAT, it's glorious), their ability to incorporate something literally disabling into their self-image and life when our culture gives them limited scripts and limited opportunities, their persistence in navigating the obstacles placed in front of them not by what they are, but by how our culture and the many dickheads in it unwittingly and often VERY DELIBERATELY make it harder to do so, the fact that they are often poor as dirt but are the most generous people you will ever meet, that they have known pain and so they often know great compassion.

*THAT* SHIT IS INSPIRATIONAL.

So is persistence, yes, which is why I am always impressed when I see someone who has had to deal with major issues accomplish something that is made particularly difficult BY those issues SPECIFICALLY, but when that sort of thing is nearly always ONLY praised in the context of visible, physical disability, or when it's some completely unrelated shit, that pisses me off.

It's like . . . people are apparently impressed by when disabled people do anything *while smiling*, because that indicates the triumph of overcoming our miserable existence? Or that we have a good enough attitude to forget, for a moment, that we are fucked up and are supposed to be miserable constantly? I don't even KNOW. But these same people aren't finding me inspirational when I'm at my blackest and am hanging on by my last claw, which is arguably when I am being my MOST BADASS. That's when I need to be pulling up my bootstraps and thinking my way out of it with sunshine and baby kisses. But an ungroomed, exhausted, surrounded by laundry, not moving, fat, blotchy, cat-strewn DEPRESSED person staring at a computer screen or TV or at nothing in particular doesn't look good in a facebook picture. "This person: probably exercising more willpower not to give up hope and eat a bullet than you will exercise at any point in your whole life. Stop. Bitching. That. Your. Yoga. Is. Hard." <---- Nobody wants that. (And, while maybe sometimes true, it's also kinda dickly, because Suck Olympics are uncool. The things that have made me most miserable sometimes do not seem to be proportional or make sense. To wit, the hour-long crying jag I had when my last pet scorpion died, years ago. Dude, I cried less painfully when my GRANDMOTHER died. What even the HELL?)

All I know is that the shit people usually talk about as being inspirational is not really very inspirational to me. Like, *if* it's true that Chris Evans really does have anxiety/panic attacks (never read reliable info about how severe his "problems with anxiety" are, though he apparently went into therapy) and he still navigated two MONSTROUS blockbuster movies and associated press events, I find that totally fucking impressive, because I KNOW WHAT THAT IS LIKE, and I know I couldn't handle it. And that's the stuff people don't seem to understand. That's the stuff people latch on to and *make fun of.* Because people who don't Get It can be real dicks about that stuff.
*****
I truly believe that if Namaah and I lived closer, we would see each other several times a week and never get tired of each other's company.
My husband once told me that everyone has multiple soulmates, that a soul can be split into many different parts. I think Namaah may be one of my soulmates. It took me five years to realize that, and that's okay. I like to take things slowly.
brightlotusmoon: (Snow White Blood Red Light Pale)
You guys, I amaze myself. I've been writing helter skelter all over the place: Novel, stories, novellas, blogs, facebook, notebooks with various pens, everywhere... in the middle of a postictal migraine and insanely horrific agonizing chronic pain flare-up following recovery from a panic attack. If I didn't have a computer or paper I might write on the walls. I hurt so badly I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel half fire and half water. Wild and raging, and all I want is a crackling bonfire and a rushing river.
I doctored up a photo of myself and it came out half gold light and half blue light. It looks inhuman. But part of me adores it so much. My face is two different parts. I am two entities in one. When I burn, I am cool. When I am cool, I burn. It is ying yang, dragon phoenix, up and down, left and right, I don't even know. I don't speak out loud except to my cats, I just speak through Story. So much Story inside me.
That rock. That rock that my husband gave me, the rock that he held while standing in Room 217 of the Stanley Hotel, in which Stephen King wrote "The Stand" and used as an inspiration for "The Shining". That rock is still next to my laptop. I am covered in words. I am filled up with Words. I may disappear into Story. I may not even see the world until I have to.
Is this what it is like to live in the land of the Fae and then come back to the land of humans?

jowitchzen2

Maybe it was the super moon. Maybe it is the heat from the sun now. Maybe it is anything.
brightlotusmoon: (Snow White Blood Red Dragon Witch)
Bookmarked, etcetera.
Copied from http://www.sunnyray.org/Crystals-semiprecious.htm and edited for spelling issues, because I can.

"Amber is a stone of cleansing and purification. It symbolizes the Sun's energy and therefore it is suitable for awakening joy, and stimulating light and warm feelings. Amber attracts love and provokes happiness and pleasure. It is often used as a stone for good luck and protection. It can also be considered as the right stone for gathering strength during rehabilitation and accelerating the process of regeneration after long illnesses.

The color of amber is waxy honey-yellow. It can also be found with bluish, greenish, reddish or brown nuances. Amber is fossilized resin from the family of pine trees, which have died and lost their water millions of years ago. Amber can float on water. It is clear from the above that this stone is not a crystal in the strict sense of the word, it is rather considered to be a mineraloid due to its origin (fossilized tree sap).
Amber is most abundant in the Dominican Republic, Poland, Latvia, Italy, Spain and Mexico.

The magic features of amber were discovered by Thales of Milet, some 2600 years ago. In Greece, the name for yellow amber is electron, and from this the term electricity was derived. The amber necklace is a sort of electricity capacitors, able to auto-charge and recharge and to help the owner get rid of the eventual charge loads or excesses.

Amber represents a spiritual thread that is able to connect the individual energy with the Cosmic energy, as well as the individual soul with the Cosmic soul. Amber symbolizes the Solar, Spiritual, and Divine attractive Power.

The origin of amber gives us hits about its spiritual qualities, which can become obvious if we take a look at trees as entities with roots descending deep into the earth, and branches ascending towards the sky. In spiritual sense, trees connect the earth with the sky by transforming the Sun's energy with help from the mineral kingdom, and at the end deliver energy in form of fruits. Therefore, the life force of the tree can carry, transform and deliver energy.

Similarly, amber is considered to be a medium that grounds the spiritual energy into the physical body for as long as it is necessary in order to be permeated with light. The other direction is also possible: in case of lacking grounding spiritual energy, amber can initiate a feeling of connection to the physical plane.
This somewhat explains why amber is so helpful in eliminating depression. Depression is often accompanied by a feeling of excessive bonding to earthly possessions, or can be caused by a lack of connection to our physical existence and its benefits. Either way, amber can be very efficient.

Amber increases creativity and helps accept the inevitable changes in life. It is an excellent stone for eliminating the self-imposed barriers. It helps build positive attitude in our own abilities. Amber promotes fertility. Many early carvings in amber were devoted to depicting animals that are traditionally considered symbols of fertility: frogs, rabbits and fishes. It is believed to be the first material ever used in ornaments and decorative purposes, and can be also found as talismans and amulets. Many ancient traditions have considered amber to be the stone of universal life force, as it encloses life within.
This gentle stone can draw negative energies out of the body, clean the spirit and heart. It helps us reveal the ancient wisdom and knowledge, enabling the body to heal itself by means of absorbing and transmuting the negative energies into positive, and negative thoughts into positive ones.

It stimulates the intellect, increases mental clarity and transforms the energy of physical vitality into unconditional love. It aligns the energies of the etheric, physical, astral and mental body. Balancing the electro-magnetism of the microcosm, amber brings a steady stream of perfect order that should be applied to the requirements of the physical plane. It calms the nerves, while enabling making right decisions.
It is an excellent detoxification tool and can protect from radiation, especially from x-rays, computers, and other harmful sources of energy. It opens the solar plexus chakra, and strengthens the self-respect. It can be used in rituals for beautification and increasing attractiveness. It can help attract love and stimulate happiness and pleasure.

Amber protects from illnesses, helps diminish pain during childbirth, if placed on the solar plexus it can ease problems with the belly, gall bladder, liver, thymus, it can stop nose bleeds, remove headaches, sore throat, and fevers. Amber also calms the kidneys, teeth (a small piece of amber in the mouth can ease toothache), joints, various bone-related problems, arthritis, and rheumatism.
Amber calms the central nervous system, improves memory, helps in cells regeneration and restores balance.

When put on the skin, it can help with all types of allergies. For pain removal, amber should be put on the affected area. Amber should never be cleaned. It can be charged in sunlight. For self-healing only stones without fossilized insects within should be selected."
brightlotusmoon: (Pixie Model 2)
chakradragon


I know Pantheism and Polytheism often conflict, but I am a proud pantheistic polytheistic polyagnostic eclectic moonlight witch.
(Also, a Peaceful Dragon Mediterranean Princess Warrior, which is neither here nor there.)

And I am very fluid in my faith and philosophy, which means I enjoy discussing faith in general, so long as I am not proselytized at.
 
(It's funny. As soon as I mention that I am ethnically Jewish and spiritually Pagan, the proselytizing ends with nary a complaint. I am ethnically Jewish with a heritage of Sicilian, Greek, Russian, Romanian, Hungarian. And I am proud. But not so proud that I announce it every time something involving one of those ethnicity comes up.
I know people like that. Especially if they are, say 1/16 said ethnicity. Yes, dears. It's lovely that you have such rich heritage with a few drops of that ethnic blood; now please stop telling me how wonderful you are because of it.)

Finding this image was amazing. I had a dream about it in early 2012, and I don't even remember how I found the image online. Ah, Higher Brain and Subconscious, and Quantum Psychic Consciousness, I love it when you work together.

This image is ideal: I like dragons. And lotus flowers. And the moon. And the cosmos. And transcendental meditation. And magic. And the concept that all consciousness is connected, with no need to use religion to connect to the cosmic parts.

We are all made of the universe."We are the universe trying to understand itself" like Carl Sagan said.

And as Delenn from Babylon 5 says:
"The molecules of your body are the same molecules that make this station and the nebula outside, that burn inside the stars themselves. We are star-stuff. We are the Universe, made manifest, trying to figure itself out. And, as we have both learned, sometimes the Universe needs a change of perspective."
-Delenn, 'A Distant Star' episode of 'Babylon 5'

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