And there are times when all you can do -- all you should do -- is listen, and be there, and have words of comfort and love, as she rants and vents and yells and stomps and punches a couch cushion, and releases all her frustration, and you'll be there to catch it and soothe it and be a friend, and that's all she wants, that's all she needs, and when it's done she feels better, and you laugh, and she lists all the good things that vastly outweigh the bad things. And even though you wish you could say more and do more, you don't need to do anything but be there, and listen, and love her.
I have such a life-changing decision, a series of tiny choices, floating in front of me inside my head, and whether I choose to go the way he has offered to go depends on how I will face the truth of what I feel. And I have to confront myself and ask, what am I afraid of? Oh, so many things. However, this worry that I can't break through is no longer so strong; it keeps getting better. But that will come with time, and self-searching, and increased self-awareness; and at the end of it all, I will be okay. It will all be fine, I know that, and I'm excited, and nervous, but there is always that nervousness.
This is who I will be.
This is who we will be.
I am his everything, he says. He misses his everything.
Gods, I'm still crying.
Two and a half weeks left. Has it really been barely a week since he left? It always feels like forever.
He is my everything.
On a lighter note:
It's been enough time where I can say that I am really happy with my new plumping lip glosses, the clear one
and the shimmery red one
. DHC's lip gloss is the second plumping gloss I have found and liked that contains both hyaluronic acid and palmitoyl oligopeptide (the first being the Sally Hansen Lip Inflation Extreme gloss, which tastes delicious).
I've been filling up on salads and vegetables and have been very happy. Adam bought a package of salad mixings before he left, which I have been blending with shredded cheese, black olives, avocados, olive oil, and vinegar. We are now out of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Tomorrow, I'll go to Giant for more; they're having a sale on the Pompeian olive oil brand, and I'd like to get the Pomegranate Red Wine Vinegar or Pomegranate Balsamic Vinegar. Charlotte says she'll take me. I spent the day with her and Billy, and John and Aaron and Vicky. Charlotte and I had a good, long, silly girl talk and I wound up laughing so hard I still hurt.
It's good to laugh like that.
Everyone needs to laugh like that.