We should sleep, my dear

So. It's coming up very soon.
And you know what kills?
You won't be there for it. Not this one.
I'd give anything.
It's too late now.
But you'll be there anyway. In my mind. My heart, of course. I will make sure you are with me because I would not have it any other way. And the second time around will be everything, and all of it, and it will be brilliant.

It could be spring in the city.
We could be eating sushi tempura and drinking dark rum in an outdoor cafe and giggling over our men, our silly beautiful wonderful men.
We could be.

I wish you were here. I wish I was there.

You know what Ian told me, last night in a dream I can't remember? "If it's everything, it's worth waiting for. If they mean everything, they are with you no matter what."
Funny, because I am about to really put him and Dana and the rest of them through the wringer.
And why am I talking about insourced soulbonds? Except that you understand.

I am getting married to him, my greatest joy, my heart, my always. But somewhere else in my soul... I would like to think I could really bond like that with you too, in some way, on some deeper level. If that could happen. Do you understand? I don't feel really complete unless I know you still think about me with love. I guess it's because I never had this before, and, well, you know. We've talked about it. I've always wanted a sister.

I hope you sleep well tonight. And tomorrow night. I hope your chakras are balanced and you think of me. And don't worry. He will come home to you very soon. I don't know any man who loves and cherishes a woman more than he does you. Really.

Now give me a kiss goodnight and have dreams.

How do you know when you start losing your mind?

Not that I am. But things are a little strange. Yes, it's just stress. I forget how to do things sometimes. I forget what people have told me until much later. But it's just stress. It's okay.
I need to find a tailor or seamstress to help me fix my dress. I need to find shoes to wear with the dress. Adam and I need to meet with a lender, at least one, sometime this week.
We went to Wal-Mart, and I found several white slips I can wear under the dress. I also got some papaya soap.
I have a feeling that I can increase the dosage of the Rhodiola Rosea soon. It's helped immensely so far.

Adam made the most amazing pot roast tonight. It was so very good. Mmmm. Meat.

Oh -- I also got new copies of Good Omens and American Gods. Yay!