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I don't know what I'm saying
Sep. 8th, 2011 11:12 pmAnxiety goes up, anxiety goes down. Pain goes up, pain goes down. Fatigue goes up, fatigue goes down. Repeat, etcetera.
Moderate fever is moderate.
I want to run and hide in my brain, but the dead parts are locked and the rerouted neural pathways keep redirecting me. My entire head is full of painful screaming madness. I know it will stop, but I'm in that moment and it is stabbing.
I want to go home to where I was born and raised, but it will be too much. The scar in the air is still there. I have no voice, and I must cry. I feel ten years old. I want a soft plush toy to hold.
My new pendant features an ouroborous circling a pentacle holding an amber cabochon. I rub it when I feel emotional and it reassures me. It gives me hope. It gives me my name. I will call it my AURYN pentacle, the simple serpent circle, as in the book rather than the film. The circle is vital. This story is Never Ending, and there is no luck dragon or multi-colored fire lion to guide me through. Just me. I am my own guide, and I am trying to not be afraid.
My body is a fucking cage these days. I need to love it, because I have not done that enough.
I am fine. I will be fine. My version of fine is a little differenty.
I am going to write my stories and hold my vintage My Little Pony toys. And my cats. Purr.
Moderate fever is moderate.
I want to run and hide in my brain, but the dead parts are locked and the rerouted neural pathways keep redirecting me. My entire head is full of painful screaming madness. I know it will stop, but I'm in that moment and it is stabbing.
I want to go home to where I was born and raised, but it will be too much. The scar in the air is still there. I have no voice, and I must cry. I feel ten years old. I want a soft plush toy to hold.
My new pendant features an ouroborous circling a pentacle holding an amber cabochon. I rub it when I feel emotional and it reassures me. It gives me hope. It gives me my name. I will call it my AURYN pentacle, the simple serpent circle, as in the book rather than the film. The circle is vital. This story is Never Ending, and there is no luck dragon or multi-colored fire lion to guide me through. Just me. I am my own guide, and I am trying to not be afraid.
My body is a fucking cage these days. I need to love it, because I have not done that enough.
I am fine. I will be fine. My version of fine is a little differenty.
I am going to write my stories and hold my vintage My Little Pony toys. And my cats. Purr.
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