I need a What If machine.
Oct. 9th, 2012 08:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightlotusmoonYesterday:
Woke up with the sensation of everything shattered. Stayed in bed with the cats for another hour, mostly because Jupiter was next to me kneading the heavy blanket and purring, while Rose was on and off my torso while nuzzling me, while Luna was pressed against my left leg before leaving. Got up. Took medicine. Was very cold. Told my body to suck it up and that there wasn't even a Raynaud's flare happening. Nibbled on cereal. Put on a warm jacket. Walked the twenty minutes to Wendy's and bought the mushroom bacon cheeseburger with pre-counted exact change (4.85) because I do that at fast food places after looking at previous receipts with tax. Took a bus back. Still had that shattered burning electrified feeling. Watching Futurama, with a Luna purring on my lap, while I ate as much of the burger as my poor appetite allowed.
"Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster!"
"What are you, my driver's license?"
"Look. I know he's ugly and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just because he's hideous and annoying."
"That's what we said about Zoidberg and look where that got us."
"Amy has a point."
Well, the heat is now on. Only 70 F but good enough. The house was cold. I was cold. Sweaters and layers can only do so much, no matter how stylish.
Also, this fibromyalgia attack and hypertonia attack and hemiparesis attack must all go the fuck away. I have a hammer. And a spear. And fire on a stick. Even though I still feel so worn down and shattered that I am leaning heavily on a cane, I will fight off the pain monsters all night if I must. Spears raised.
Today:
Rose kitten loves cream cheese on bagels. Right, right, Rose kitten loves everything.
Every time I prepare to take the morning Ultram and Soma, I put a few drops of sea buckthorn oil cocktail in my palm to mask the horribly bitter taste of the pill coating, and this is a Pavlov's Dogs thing with Rose: She will launch herself onto the counter and paw at my hand, and the I need to turn away, swallow the oiled pills with milky coffee or juice, then put a few more drops of oil into my palm and hold my hand out to Rose kitten, who will then lap everything up and beg for more. I must admit, her fur has been so soft and shiny that the oil must be doing something good. I shall have to start calling her Super Bright Eyes instead of just Bright Eyes.
http://www.skinactives.com/EMUlator-Oil.html
And today, of all days, I have lost both of my wrist braces. *OW*
Time for painkillers, anti-inflammatory supplements, and uncontrollable sobbing because PAIN OMFG. You know, that pain that happens when you open any kind of bottle or container and a vicious screaming nerve pain shoots from your wrist up and down your arm and hand for no reason other than it's there. Yes, that OMFG PAIN.
Good News: I've been using my left hand more and more to help reconnect those bits of my brain that were damaged or killed by the periventricular leukomalacia. Because a premature birth wasn't bad enough, heh.
Bad News: No matter what, it hurts every single time and there is not much I can do except take the Soma or Baclofen and also stretch and massage.
Good News: Finding a drug that can actually truly ease cerebral palsy spasticity is still so mind blowing that sometimes when I pick up the bottle of Baclofen I just stare at it in awe, as though it is a profoundly rare mineral.
Bad News: Seriously, I can't find my wrist braces, and I can't wrap an Ace bandage on my own, and the fibromyalgia pain is making me very tense. No wonder the Soma and Ultram have been working so hard. It's something, you know?
Good News: My husband will be home from California tomorrow morning, and he can wrap my right wrist so I can at least type without crying. I am pushing my limits so hard that those limits are moving up. This is a Good Thing when you think about it. Higher limits, more chances to keep going and get stronger while I reach for those higher limits.
http://ursulav.livejournal.com/1513154.html
"Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit." -XKCD/1095 "Connoisseur"
"Human subcultures are nested fractally. There is no bottom." - XKCD/915 "Crazy Straws"
And see, this is why human subcultures are full of wild insanity that no psychoactive trip can match. If people can figuratively rip each other to shreds over home color patterns, antique furniture, television shows, yogurt flavors, food preferences, and book series, then... well, there truly is no hope for most of the human race. Seriously.
Woke up with the sensation of everything shattered. Stayed in bed with the cats for another hour, mostly because Jupiter was next to me kneading the heavy blanket and purring, while Rose was on and off my torso while nuzzling me, while Luna was pressed against my left leg before leaving. Got up. Took medicine. Was very cold. Told my body to suck it up and that there wasn't even a Raynaud's flare happening. Nibbled on cereal. Put on a warm jacket. Walked the twenty minutes to Wendy's and bought the mushroom bacon cheeseburger with pre-counted exact change (4.85) because I do that at fast food places after looking at previous receipts with tax. Took a bus back. Still had that shattered burning electrified feeling. Watching Futurama, with a Luna purring on my lap, while I ate as much of the burger as my poor appetite allowed.
"Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster!"
"What are you, my driver's license?"
"Look. I know he's ugly and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just because he's hideous and annoying."
"That's what we said about Zoidberg and look where that got us."
"Amy has a point."
Well, the heat is now on. Only 70 F but good enough. The house was cold. I was cold. Sweaters and layers can only do so much, no matter how stylish.
Also, this fibromyalgia attack and hypertonia attack and hemiparesis attack must all go the fuck away. I have a hammer. And a spear. And fire on a stick. Even though I still feel so worn down and shattered that I am leaning heavily on a cane, I will fight off the pain monsters all night if I must. Spears raised.
Today:
Rose kitten loves cream cheese on bagels. Right, right, Rose kitten loves everything.
Every time I prepare to take the morning Ultram and Soma, I put a few drops of sea buckthorn oil cocktail in my palm to mask the horribly bitter taste of the pill coating, and this is a Pavlov's Dogs thing with Rose: She will launch herself onto the counter and paw at my hand, and the I need to turn away, swallow the oiled pills with milky coffee or juice, then put a few more drops of oil into my palm and hold my hand out to Rose kitten, who will then lap everything up and beg for more. I must admit, her fur has been so soft and shiny that the oil must be doing something good. I shall have to start calling her Super Bright Eyes instead of just Bright Eyes.
http://www.skinactives.com/EMUlator-Oil.html
And today, of all days, I have lost both of my wrist braces. *OW*
Time for painkillers, anti-inflammatory supplements, and uncontrollable sobbing because PAIN OMFG. You know, that pain that happens when you open any kind of bottle or container and a vicious screaming nerve pain shoots from your wrist up and down your arm and hand for no reason other than it's there. Yes, that OMFG PAIN.
Good News: I've been using my left hand more and more to help reconnect those bits of my brain that were damaged or killed by the periventricular leukomalacia. Because a premature birth wasn't bad enough, heh.
Bad News: No matter what, it hurts every single time and there is not much I can do except take the Soma or Baclofen and also stretch and massage.
Good News: Finding a drug that can actually truly ease cerebral palsy spasticity is still so mind blowing that sometimes when I pick up the bottle of Baclofen I just stare at it in awe, as though it is a profoundly rare mineral.
Bad News: Seriously, I can't find my wrist braces, and I can't wrap an Ace bandage on my own, and the fibromyalgia pain is making me very tense. No wonder the Soma and Ultram have been working so hard. It's something, you know?
Good News: My husband will be home from California tomorrow morning, and he can wrap my right wrist so I can at least type without crying. I am pushing my limits so hard that those limits are moving up. This is a Good Thing when you think about it. Higher limits, more chances to keep going and get stronger while I reach for those higher limits.
http://ursulav.livejournal.com/1513154.html
"Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit." -XKCD/1095 "Connoisseur"
"Human subcultures are nested fractally. There is no bottom." - XKCD/915 "Crazy Straws"
And see, this is why human subcultures are full of wild insanity that no psychoactive trip can match. If people can figuratively rip each other to shreds over home color patterns, antique furniture, television shows, yogurt flavors, food preferences, and book series, then... well, there truly is no hope for most of the human race. Seriously.
