The Return To Innocence

So, I found this meme. And I started trying to answer the questions. And then suddenly I froze and started crying. I'm attributing that to the depressive episode borne out of that postictal state. Or something. Maybe the migraine too.
I may try again tomorrow.

***

What is the working title for your book?

Stormfall.

Where did the idea for the book come from?

During my third year in college (SUNY Purchase), I was at my best friend's house; we were sitting on her bed reading books quietly. Suddenly, very randomly, I fell asleep (I now realize this was an epileptic seizure) and had... a vision. A dream. Something. Crawling naked through the woods away from a burning building. Moving through a cave in a psychic vision. Actually being psychic and doing psychic things. When I woke up, feeling exhausted and funny, I said, "I just had this amazing dream" and my friend looked at me with this very knowing look. Because, you know, she and I had been having psychic dreams and such for a while. I described the dream And I turned it into several scenes in the first chapter. And the rest of the chapter formed around that vision. And suddenly I was writing more chapters, and then I had a novel happening.

What genre does your book fall under?

Future fantasy. Or is it futuristic fantasy now? A sort of science fantasy. It takes place almost two centuries from now, close enough to have streamlined versions of current technologies, far enough to not be anywhere near now. But there is more magic than science, magic in the form of psychic powers, psionics. Lots of it. Very character driven, to the point where I barely have the world around the characters really built.

What is the synopsis or blurb for this book?

Oh gods, I hate trying to do this.
[*deep breath*] In a future world where mild psychic powers have become common, four of the most powerful psychics in the world will test the limits of their powers and the bonds of their love when a fifth powerful psionic seeks to destroy and rebuild reality - but he needs the help of one of the four to do so. When she refuses and he captures her, she finds herself fighting for her life, her friends, and for all existence.

What actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

I have no clue. Since it will probably be years and years before a film gets made ... maybe Dana could be played by a red-haired Chloe Moretz or Elle Fanning or Ariana Grande or Tiffany Thornton or Sara Paxton or Alexa Vega or Bella Thorne, with hazel contact lenses? Maybe Kara could be played by Selena Gomez or Victoria Justice or Camilla Belle or Ashley Greene or Elizabeth Gillies or Ariel Winter or Jodelle Ferland, with light blue contact lenses? For Ian and Alex, since they are fraternal twins and have different coloring, perhaps Dave Franco or Jeremy Sumpter or Cody Linley or Drew Roy or Max Theriot or Sean Faris or Johnny Pacar or Nicholas Hoult, with blue-green contact lenses and brown contact lenses? Jeremy could be played by one of those guys, with dark blue contact lenses. *shrug*

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Agency, I hope. If they like me enough.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

First draft? I finished that after college, then ripped apart the whole thing. The ending has been missing for ten years while I put the rest back together. I mean, I have the ending. It's just not put in yet.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

I've had such a lifelong love and obsession with psionic/psychic powers and superhumans that I'd been writing such stories since my pre-teens. I suppose that has come out of my being born disabled and wishing I could be more than I was. And also really really loving superhero/superhuman stories. I've loved Marvel's X-Men comics since childhood. Perhaps all the stories I write are allegories for being born with disabilities. Just something you live with. What you choose to do with it is your choice and yours alone. It can boost you and cripple you at the same time.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Um. Any book where the main characters have really strong psychic powers? I guess? Like, telekinesis and telepathy and all the subcategories thereof?

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

Fuck, I don't know. The superpowers? The future world? The fact that all my characters are pagan, that polytheism is really really common and running neck and neck with monotheism? Psychic abilities of various levels? Character interaction? A villian who isn't truly a villian but a person who feels wronged and wants to make things right in his own way by destroying the world? A main female character who is disabled but it isn't made obvious? Three other main characters who have mental illnesses that are not made obvious?

(Also, I feel bad that I don't have many POC characters (Kara has heritage that is Navajo, Korean, Welsh. Dana's heritage is Russian, Columbian, Gaelic, Greek. Ian and Alex have heritage that is Celtic, Welsh, Greek. Jeremy has heritage that is Italian, Spanish, Scottish, Belgian)... and many POC characters are tertiary. But, you know, the main characters that came into my head were Caucasian. I don't want to alter their races just to appease social justice warrior readers.)

Brightrosefox is made of sharks, books, and servitude. With a dash of Wikipedia.
http://en.shindanmaker.com/219278

Joanna is made of tea, spinach, and servitude. With a dash of Batman. http://en.shindanmaker.com/219278

Some of the questions had no answer.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Went out of the country (London, UK). Ate pure dried goji berries. Talked to a disability lawyer about filing for SSDI.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't even remember. I don't think I made any resolutions.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More self confidence and initiative.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Realizing that accepting help doesn't make me weak.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
*falls over laughing* *wipes away tears* Oh, my. Yes. Continuation, actually, and it got worse.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
For the house: Various electronics. For myself: Various anti-inflammatory antioxidant lotions, and a liquid dragon's blood resin.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband's and my best friend's.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, stuff for the house, stuff for my health.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
All the times my husband was able to work locally and be home every night.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Doctor Who, Caprica (all my favorite US shows seem to get canceled).

26. What was the best book you read?
"Habitation Of The Blessed" by Catherynne M. Valente. "Feed" by Mira Grant (aka Seanan McGuire). "An Artificial Night" by Seanan McGuire.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Bruno Mars, I think. I listened to his songs a lot.

28. What did you want and get?
Lobster for lunch, mangosteen juice, dried goji berries, sangre de drago ointments.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31. I don't actually remember what I did. Stayed home, probably.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Health.

34. What kept you sane?
My friends, cats, and husband.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The issue of politicians being whiny childish brats about political issues.

37. Who did you miss?
My short term memory.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Two people: Adam M., the former Marine. Mandi, who I knew via LiveJournal but finally met in October. We need to see each other again soon.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
I am immensely strong even when I am at my weakest, and I should never be ashamed to ask for help.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"I tumble into space, try to stop the fall/My body ripped and tore, I could have floated in space"

I've thought about committing to doing that 30-Day Meme thing. But I realized that it would fall through my addled brain too easily.

So, here's something different: You ask me.

Ask me stuff about one or several of these. I can go into detail in the comments. What do you want to know about me that pertains to any of the following?

(I like being weird and different.)

Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 - Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment

Questions and Answers. I think you are supposed to comment here, and I should ask you some questions, which you can then post to your own journal. Also, you are welcome to ask me more questions, which I will again post to my journal.

These are questions I was asked.

From Azhure:

1 - When did you first realise that you were a writer?
When I was nine years old and wrote two fantasy stories with chapters, which my teachers praised up, down and sideways.

2 - If you could have written any one book, what would it be?
Neil Gaiman's "American Gods."

3 - What song is most *you*?
Probably "Harbor" by Vienna Teng.

4 - What place do you feel most content in?
Sag Harbor, NY - right in the middle of The Hamptons - where I spent my teen years.

From Unico-Love:

1. To steal a question, kind of, which goddess do you most connect to?
There are four, actually, and not all from the same pantheon: Brigit, Danu, Persephone, and Psyche.

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Southampton, New York; or somewhere in New Mexico.

3. What is your favorite food?
Categorically, I have to break it down. Favorite fruit is watermelon, favorite vegetable is asparagus, favorite meat is buffalo, favorite fish is salmon, favorite pasta or bread is whole grain, favorite dessert is dark chocolate, favorite beverage is acai juice or rooibos tea.

4. Do you still have your old writing from childhood and do you like it?
Yes. I like most of it, since I see it as the writing of a child determined to keep learning and keep improving. I wrote a lot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle stories, long before I knew what fanfiction was.

5. What time of day is your favorite and why?
Early afternoon, when the sun is high and the world is bright. I feel more awake and alive and creative.

6. What colour draws you the most?
Cobalt blue. Every time I see anything colored cobalt blue, I have to stop and stare for at least a minute.

This is mostly for new readers, since I've had a bunch of people friend me recently.
I think the meme says that that people have to ask me five detailed questions about myself or my interests, and I need to provide five detailed answers. So, ask away.

Meme: Products I don't know if I can go without.

1. Concealer (I believe I look horrible without face makeup)
2. Lip Balm (which I can also use on my face and cuticles)
3. Moisturizer (lotion, serum, cream, balm)
3. Cell Phone (which I only use for calls, anyway)
4. Paperback novel (that must fit in my purse)
5. Lipstick (usually red or berry)
6. Hair ties (that my kitten will pull off my wrist)
7. MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane, a supplement for pain)
8. Yerba Mate (either in tea or capsule form)
9. Acai berry juice and Goji berry juice (I can't favor one)
10. Passion Flower and L-Tryptophan (to help me relax)

Adam will be home tomorrow afternoon.
Then he'll leave again next week.
*closes eyes and breathes deeply*
It's just part of his job. It's the busy season for computer and equipment rentals. Lots of events and shows and conferences going on, and everyone needs IT/AV stuff. Adam is one of the best, and he he specifically requested by clients.
Still, I miss him. Of course. But we'll see each other as much as possible.

I have no plans for the weekend. I will devote most of it to writing.

fire_my_spirit has given me words to associate with, so I shall comply:

Clever: I don't know if I am actually clever. Friends say I am. I don't usually see it. I'm rather unobservant, lost in my own world half the time, when I'm not foggy from pain. But I do notice things, comment on things, understand things on a visceral level, seeing small things that I file away for later. When I make jokes, my humor comes out of left field, dry and sudden and startling. I'm good at weaving and ducking and hiding. I am definitely creative in everything.

Appreciation: I appreciate everything. I mean that. From the time I was born, I appreciated things. The world fascinated me. Oh, shiny! I knew from a very young age that I was lucky to not only be alive, but to be relatively healthy, mildly affected by chronic and painful and intense afflictions that would have left other children seriously limited. I can appreciate the depth of the color of a ripe blueberry to the point where I might wax poetic. I feel as though I was wired to appreciate life and the universe.

Struggle: One of the reasons I appreciate everything. I've been struggling forever. I don't know what it's like to not struggle. Friends tell me how amazing I am, how extraordinary, beating so many odds, just surviving and living and existing and all that. I take it all in stride because it feels strange to be told all of that. It makes me cry, knowing that people see me in that way. But grateful tears, not sad tears. I'm struggling right now, typing this, because my left hand is cramping and spasming hellishly, despite the Soma I just took.

Scents: Aromatherapy is such a part of my life that I become puzzled when people ask me why I like it so much. What do you mean, why do I like it? Smell this. Is it not incredible? My sense of smell has changed and refined over the years. I used to love sweet, happy, super-fruity scents. Now I love heady, deep florals and fruits that hold ages in their molecules. Exotic spices from around the world, flowers and herbs that could make you see gods and spirits and the whole universe if you ate them. Currently, my favorite aromatherapeutic blend is a mix of Rose, Neroli, Chamomile, Lotus, and Frankincense. Real oils. The real stuff. Yes, the pricey exotic stuff. Luckily, I know someone who can whip up that blend for me and deliver it to me in a large spray bottle. I have issues with most synthetic perfumes, so I rarely ever wear fragrance. But if a lotion or body spray contains certain essential oils, I will swoon.

Reading: Oh, I was born reading. Um. Not really. But my mother says that it started when I was just over one year old. She was in a convenience store, in the checkout line, with me in the stroller. I was getting fussy, so Mom did what she usually did when I fussed and she couldn't just pick me up: She grabbed a random book, a paperback, from the nearby book rack and put it in my little hands. It was upside down. I inspected it carefully. Then I turned it right side up, opened it, and began flipping through the pages. The clerk stared at me, dumbfounded, and proclaimed that I wasn't supposed to be able to do that at that age. My mother just smiled. Flash forward two years, and I was in preschool, gathering my classmates in a corner among pillows and cushions, reading out loud from all the kiddie storybooks every day. The teacher would set aside a certain time each day for Reading With Joanna. I was the only child there who could read at a higher level. Unfortunately my emotional maturity was horrible, and I screamed and sobbed when I had to interact with people I didn't know. I was always extremely small for my age, no matter what age I was, and people were surprised to know how intensely I read things because they assumed I was years younger. When I entered elementary school and English class came around, I was always packing my stuff and heading up to a higher grade's classroom for English. They couldn't move me up a grade in general, because my math skills were atrocious, so all they could do was move me up a grade for reading and vocabulary and such. I was tutoring kids in grammar and spelling when I was in second grade.
(And people wonder why I go quietly ballistic when I see and hear so many grammar errors nowadays. Learn to use "[Pronoun] and I" and "[Pronoun] and me" in the proper context, people! It's not that difficult! I don't give a fuck if it's "how people talk these days," it is blatantly, hair-pullingly incorrect! If you are unsure, remove the other pronoun! Unless the other person's name is actually "I" which I highly doubt!)

aliatard associates me with:

1. Feeling beautiful and secure with yourself:
This happens less often than it should. There are days when I look at myself in awe and wonder, though. When someone compliments me, it doesn't go to my head, it just helps reinforce what I subconsciously know is there.

2. Insecurity:
I used to be severely insecure and unsure of almost anything. However, getting compliments and attention and affirmation did not make me more secure -- being loved did. I knew a young woman whose insecurity manifested as desperate cries for attention and compliments; she was very manipulative and needy. My insecurities were not like that. I was insecure because I truly did not believe that people could love and accept me for who I was; I did not think I was worthy.

3. The herbs, prescriptions, etc., that relax you and take you "there" (I'm interested because I have anxiety, which I take prescribed Klonopin for, but it seems as though you've found natural ways to combat some of your health issues-moreso the Fibro, which THANK GOODNESS, I do not have.):
On the top of my list is valerian, passion flower, inositol, ashwagandha, bacopa, and gotu kola. More recently is yerba mate, but that is more energizing than relaxing.

4. Bi-sexuality (I'm Bi-curious, so any woman who is attracted to other women, and not just when they're bombed kissing chicks at the bar, intrigues me):
I realized I was attracted to women after Adam and I had been dating for a couple of years and we started talking about women. We have a rule, he and I - we are a unit. If I did want a girlfriend, she would have to be our girlfriend, his and mine.

5. Music (I'd love to know more about your taste in music, as my intense love for music is much like yours for writing/reading):
I adore world music, alternative, industrial, electronica, dance, techno, anything with a deep beat that my mind can race along to. Originally, back when I was writing fanfiction (TMNT), I'd play stories in my head as "episodes" and those episodes needed soundtracks, music I could move to, music that could accompany action scenes. One quick example might be Linkin Park, followed by Sting, followed by Tangerine Dream, Enigma, Deep Forest, and Delirium. Tangerine Dream has always been one of my favorite bands.