Walk This Way. Talk This Way.
Apr. 15th, 2013 12:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightlotusmoonMy music of choice is still Dance, Trance, Electronica, Atmospheric, SynthPop, Psychedelic rock, Progressive Rock, Folk, World Music, Alternative Rock. (The 400 channels on Xfinity are awesome. I can't dance worth a damn and refuse to truly dance in front of people, but when I am alone, I will rock out, spin, shake, and jump, and dream of being athletic and extreme enough to really fucking move the way my body never can nor will.)
My first musical love will always be 1980s rock and 1980s metal.
My least favorite music genres are still jazz, doo wop, rap and hip hop, and country western. If friends are happily listening, I will be happy with them, but none of it will ever be for me.
I once tried to dance in front of some of my best friends, my husband, and some very close friends. I was so embarrassed afterward that I ran to the house and buried myself in a pillow. I didn't care that everyone applauded and told me how gorgeous I was. To me, it was horrible. I will not dance for anyone but myself and my imaginary friends. It is all I need.
***
I discovered the magic of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was nine years old through the first cartoon. Of course, I didn't discover the original comics until two years later, but magic is magic, right? And I was writing fanfiction before I knew what fanfiction was.
And with writing stories always must come soundtracks. Mine, of course, were 1980s rock, metal, hair bands, and synth rock. Oh yes.
As a tween, teen, and adolescent, I was always moved by fast, strong music. It is why those least favorite genres are least favorite. They are too slow, not intense enough. How can I write or daydream a good ninja fight scene to country or jazz? And those genres of music never clicked for me regardless. I needed power songs. I needed extremity. Even today, as I approach my mid thirties, my dreams still turn to Ninja Turtles, and to electronica, dance, alternative rock, trance, electro-industrial. When I write stories, the novel, mini stories... always hard music, fast music, music that can follow chase scenes in science fiction films. Tangerine Dream? Ian Van Dahl? Paul Van Dyk? Paul Oakenfold? Daft Punk? Hans Zimmer? Oh, yes. And of course, Blade Runner was a breakthrough for me as a child. That score was magic.
I write this while listening to Channel 404 and Chanell 434 on Comcast Xfinity: The Dance/Electronica Music Channel and The Pulse Channel. Nothing but, all day, all night. Sometimes I break from writing to get up and dance, or at least flail and kick randomly as my muscles spasm and go through paresis randomly. Sometimes parts of my temporal lobe are so affected that I start sobbing. Some types of song, particularly dubstep, are difficult. Like the ones that repeat and repeat. Some types irritate my temporal lobes so badly that I risk seizures or migraines or sensory processing disorder overload or synesthesia overload.
But most of the time it never matters. I just go, and flow, and move, and cry, and spin, and shake, and wave, and lose myself. And then I sit back down, still lost in it all, and I write and write and write, and no wonder I produced hundreds and hundreds of stories in my teen years. A serious shame I threw them out, all of them, all those TMNT fanfictions. I could have stripped them for current stories. They were full of angst and emotion, but they were full of music and rhythm and power and force.
So much power. So much life.
People like to tell me, "Stop using the word CAN'T. Of course you can do everything. Just because you have disabilities doesn't mean..." Oh, sorry, I stopped paying attention. My parents know. There are things I simply CAN'T do. As a fact. Physical neurological, neurochemical, biological, neuromuscular. What I CAN do is compensate. Compromise. Find ways around those things. Find my own ways of doing those things, ways that fit me in the best ways. I know many disability advocates love to paste on wide smiles and plaster Just Say Yes or I Can Do Anything campaigns on anything. That is not me. I know what I CAN and CANNOT do. I own that. I take pride it that. Screw you, I'm going to do those anythings a different way, and it will be my way, because it has to be.
And I will have soundtracks. Fast and furious and dystopian magic light filled soundtracks stronger than I can ever be and able to keep pushing me forward.
My first musical love will always be 1980s rock and 1980s metal.
My least favorite music genres are still jazz, doo wop, rap and hip hop, and country western. If friends are happily listening, I will be happy with them, but none of it will ever be for me.
I once tried to dance in front of some of my best friends, my husband, and some very close friends. I was so embarrassed afterward that I ran to the house and buried myself in a pillow. I didn't care that everyone applauded and told me how gorgeous I was. To me, it was horrible. I will not dance for anyone but myself and my imaginary friends. It is all I need.
***
I discovered the magic of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was nine years old through the first cartoon. Of course, I didn't discover the original comics until two years later, but magic is magic, right? And I was writing fanfiction before I knew what fanfiction was.
And with writing stories always must come soundtracks. Mine, of course, were 1980s rock, metal, hair bands, and synth rock. Oh yes.
As a tween, teen, and adolescent, I was always moved by fast, strong music. It is why those least favorite genres are least favorite. They are too slow, not intense enough. How can I write or daydream a good ninja fight scene to country or jazz? And those genres of music never clicked for me regardless. I needed power songs. I needed extremity. Even today, as I approach my mid thirties, my dreams still turn to Ninja Turtles, and to electronica, dance, alternative rock, trance, electro-industrial. When I write stories, the novel, mini stories... always hard music, fast music, music that can follow chase scenes in science fiction films. Tangerine Dream? Ian Van Dahl? Paul Van Dyk? Paul Oakenfold? Daft Punk? Hans Zimmer? Oh, yes. And of course, Blade Runner was a breakthrough for me as a child. That score was magic.
I write this while listening to Channel 404 and Chanell 434 on Comcast Xfinity: The Dance/Electronica Music Channel and The Pulse Channel. Nothing but, all day, all night. Sometimes I break from writing to get up and dance, or at least flail and kick randomly as my muscles spasm and go through paresis randomly. Sometimes parts of my temporal lobe are so affected that I start sobbing. Some types of song, particularly dubstep, are difficult. Like the ones that repeat and repeat. Some types irritate my temporal lobes so badly that I risk seizures or migraines or sensory processing disorder overload or synesthesia overload.
But most of the time it never matters. I just go, and flow, and move, and cry, and spin, and shake, and wave, and lose myself. And then I sit back down, still lost in it all, and I write and write and write, and no wonder I produced hundreds and hundreds of stories in my teen years. A serious shame I threw them out, all of them, all those TMNT fanfictions. I could have stripped them for current stories. They were full of angst and emotion, but they were full of music and rhythm and power and force.
So much power. So much life.
People like to tell me, "Stop using the word CAN'T. Of course you can do everything. Just because you have disabilities doesn't mean..." Oh, sorry, I stopped paying attention. My parents know. There are things I simply CAN'T do. As a fact. Physical neurological, neurochemical, biological, neuromuscular. What I CAN do is compensate. Compromise. Find ways around those things. Find my own ways of doing those things, ways that fit me in the best ways. I know many disability advocates love to paste on wide smiles and plaster Just Say Yes or I Can Do Anything campaigns on anything. That is not me. I know what I CAN and CANNOT do. I own that. I take pride it that. Screw you, I'm going to do those anythings a different way, and it will be my way, because it has to be.
And I will have soundtracks. Fast and furious and dystopian magic light filled soundtracks stronger than I can ever be and able to keep pushing me forward.
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