Charlotte and I played with magic last night, particularly getting rid of the nasty, icky influences of Adam's ex Jennifer. She stopped by Wednesday night, fed me a bunch of bullshit, and then after she and Joey left, I got weirdly sick and realized she went past my defenses and tried to go for my core--and my womb. She exacerbated Charlotte's endometriosis too. I think it's because the bitch is pregnant and wants the two of us to know that she's better than us, that she could have had our men, that I'll never be as good for Adam and Charlotte will never be as good for Billy (they're married now). Trying to hurt us in the most vulnerable spots--where children are supposed to form.
All day yesterday at work, I felt clammy and feverish and it felt exactly like something was growing inside my body that was not supposed to be there. Charlotte and I spent a good hour pulling it out and throwing it back toward Jen.
I have to say, I have never, ever met someone with such a heartless, fierce, hideous agenda as this woman. Thank the gods Adam eventually got away from her. Literally, she's poison. I haven't felt that much disgust for a human being since my own ex, Ben, who betrayed me.
We also did a tarot reading for me, a three-card read with the Dragon deck. "An emotionally sensitive woman, working together toward a common goal, a parting of ways." We translated it as my relationship with myself, Adam and I working together to save up for a house of our own, and eventually parting ways with the old life (his parents' house, etc) and starting our own.
I'm feeling myself change as far as attitude and confidence--I now refuse to let anyone hurt me. There are certain people who would love to see me and Adam split up, and I know they're going to try and manipulate me into leaving. They going to make me their best friend and drive a wedge between me and him. They're going to spread lies and rumors. They're going to try and betray me. But I know the game now. I know how strong I have to be. And they can't have him. He's mine. We're living our own lives. I'm living my own life. I am not going to let anyone take any of it away from me. I have my wings. Most importantly, I've got my spine (I've got my orange crush). Stupid R.E.M. My backbone.
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