![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Last night, at Game in Brinkley's a bad thing happened and I'm not sure I can do much to keep it from happening again. I got very tired very quickly, so I took a nap here and there. Didn't feel any better by the time midnight rolled around, was having trouble concentrating, thinking, breathing, and finally seeing. Attempted to explain to Adam that I needed to go home *now* and sleep in a real bed instead of sitting in a chair and resting my head on a table, but figured he should have his game and never mind me losing coherency, I could handle it. Besides, I couldn't talk anyway, I could basically mouth words that I could barely remember how to say.
Got to the car. Pretty much the entire trip home, had minor seizures or muscle spasms or whatever the fuck they were. Right arm and leg would tremble uncontrollably, left arm and leg would twitch, jerk, and spasm, head would involuntarily whip from side to side, brain would start shutting down...you get the idea. I couldn't get out of the car and close the door for a good two minutes. Took five minutes to walk from the car to the front door, seeing as how my brain had, quite literally, partially shut off. Was highly frustrated and scared when I couldn't verbally respond to anything Adam said. When we finally got to bed, I was still twitchy even after taking taurine, which normally helps. He gently coerced me into very good sex, which helped my overall well being but didn't solve the problem. When I finally managed to speak, it was in single syllables and sounded damaged. You know how most kids with cerebral palsy speak in gutteral, slurred tones when they can speak at all? That was me. I've never had that happen before. I was horrified. My brain was gone. I'd lost control over my body. Adam kept trying to reassure me that it was just because I was so tired and after I slept it would get better--which it did--but it left me with a lot of frightened questions. Why now, when it had never happened before? Why with so much intensity? I actually have not been having seizures since I started taking the taurine, and if they do come, it's only under extreme stress or exhaustion. So last night was understandable. But I've never felt quite that way. It was terrifying. I have to do something. I hate this body. I don't want to be like this anymore.
Got to the car. Pretty much the entire trip home, had minor seizures or muscle spasms or whatever the fuck they were. Right arm and leg would tremble uncontrollably, left arm and leg would twitch, jerk, and spasm, head would involuntarily whip from side to side, brain would start shutting down...you get the idea. I couldn't get out of the car and close the door for a good two minutes. Took five minutes to walk from the car to the front door, seeing as how my brain had, quite literally, partially shut off. Was highly frustrated and scared when I couldn't verbally respond to anything Adam said. When we finally got to bed, I was still twitchy even after taking taurine, which normally helps. He gently coerced me into very good sex, which helped my overall well being but didn't solve the problem. When I finally managed to speak, it was in single syllables and sounded damaged. You know how most kids with cerebral palsy speak in gutteral, slurred tones when they can speak at all? That was me. I've never had that happen before. I was horrified. My brain was gone. I'd lost control over my body. Adam kept trying to reassure me that it was just because I was so tired and after I slept it would get better--which it did--but it left me with a lot of frightened questions. Why now, when it had never happened before? Why with so much intensity? I actually have not been having seizures since I started taking the taurine, and if they do come, it's only under extreme stress or exhaustion. So last night was understandable. But I've never felt quite that way. It was terrifying. I have to do something. I hate this body. I don't want to be like this anymore.
