confused amused stressed

Last night I was referred to as family. It made me think. I'm happy that Libby thinks I'm family now. After all, she must know how much her son is in love. She knows we're good together. I just never felt truly accepted until now. I've heard so many things: That Adam's mother never liked his girlfriends, that the friendlier she got the more she wanted them to leave... it confuses me. Does she think of me as a daughter? Future daughter-in-law? Does she know Adam and I have been discussing marriage? She knows we're saving for a house. I'm afraid to ask what she really thinks of me. I remember almost a year ago...in July, right before I got the law library job. I was out of work for a week because my temp job contract had yet to be renewed, and just as it was, I got the new job offer. But during that time, I was sitting in the computer room scrolling through job sites, and Libby came in and sat down to say hi. She had just called Adam, who was at work, and Libby had suggested that while he took his business trip to Florida for that week, that I go visit my parents in New York. Apparently, Adam had snapped "You just want to get rid of her!" and hung up, which Libby relayed to me in a confused and incredulous voice. I asked, tentatively, if she did want to get rid of me. She gave me a very strange look, equally incredulous, and said No, of course not, we like you! That was very reassuring, but I have always walked on eggshells since I first came here, waiting. Waiting. I know how neurotic she can get, and in the fury of a moment, can make very harsh commands and decisions that I know she truly doesn't mean, not deep inside. She is truly a wonderful, loving, amazingly generous and kind person. She just has a very dangerous short and short-lived temper where anything can happen. Like I said, eggshells.

I think I should not dwell on it and let life happen. It seems fine to me. I expect that she suspects she will be doing flower arrangements for her own son's wedding soon enough.

head leg back eyes nose chest heart brain

It's a problem when you don't know which part of your body to "Ow" at first.

I took a pain reliever specifically for the back, and a Claritin-D. Had a little coffee and rubbed Icy-Hot on the sore spot. Ray, my boss, thinks it may be a pinched nerve since when I sneezed I Ow'ed. When you sneeze and another part of your body hurts, that's a bad thing, right? It's been happening with the sciatica for years, and sciatica is the mother of all pinched nerves. It's the largest nerve in the body. Great. Although I have found four wonderful things that ease that pain: Menthol, Wintergreen Oil, Emu Oil, and Shea Butter I just got some Icy Hot, and I have Shea Butter, and I think I have something with Emu Oil. Emu and Shea also are excellent for skin and anti-aging and stuff. And Wintergreen, interestingly enough, contains a form of salicylic acid. I wonder if I can use it on my occasionaly clogged pores/zits.

So that's why!

After reading the comment on my last post, I did some thinking. I realized it was true. Then I called my mom and asked if she had ever looked at the some of the massage creams my physical therapists and doctors had used during my sciatica treatment. So she called the center I'd been treated at and asked Peter, one of the doctors. She wrote down what he told her and called me back. This is so cool: Shea butter, Emu Oil, Mineral Oil, Menthol/Wintergreen, and Aloe Vera. I don't remember the name of the particular cream--I think it had been made for that office--but that kicks ass that the ingredients I looked up were the ingredients that saved my sanity.

But yes, I did also call my physician and asked her opinion. I told her I was taking Aleve and Advil and using the mix of ingredients. She said it was perfectly safe--that actually if I took one Aleve with one Advil *only* as needed, and massaged daily, the pain should ease up immensely. I'm being extra careful, since Aleve tends to be nasty on the tummy. But at this point, I don't think I have a choice. Dr. Joyce asked if needed a recommendation to a physical therapist or orthopedist, but I told her I already had my own team in Southampton, NY. By the way I miss Joan and Peter and Maria and Ryan. And that massage lotion. Wow. Sigh.