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Just me I suppose...
Jul. 22nd, 2003 02:31 pmI just realized something rather depressing. If and when he winds up moving up there to be with her, that's another part of me broken away drifting, with me left standing in the middle of the hollow trying to figure out how small I can make my heart again. Everyone must follow their path, no matter who or what they may leave behind, but there is no argument that it hurts. It already hurts that she is there and I am here, just like it hurts him. But my pain is a kitten's teardrop compared to his.
I'd told myself not to stretch too far, not to love so hard, but too late. Most people who know my story would think I am still so careful with love because of that near-proposal when I was 14 and timid. But really it has to do with not willing to let someone go in my heart. If I get too close to someone like that, it will hurt me eventually. I didn't want to. I guess I didn't have a choice. Same way it was with Adam. No choice. Follow the heart. Damn it.
It doesn't bother me yet. It won't for a long time, until the day comes. Until then I will make the most of it. That's all I can do. It's either that, or give into the sucking void that my heart bleeds into every time I love too hard.
I'd told myself not to stretch too far, not to love so hard, but too late. Most people who know my story would think I am still so careful with love because of that near-proposal when I was 14 and timid. But really it has to do with not willing to let someone go in my heart. If I get too close to someone like that, it will hurt me eventually. I didn't want to. I guess I didn't have a choice. Same way it was with Adam. No choice. Follow the heart. Damn it.
It doesn't bother me yet. It won't for a long time, until the day comes. Until then I will make the most of it. That's all I can do. It's either that, or give into the sucking void that my heart bleeds into every time I love too hard.
