Momentary pause

All I can say is, thank fucking god for anti-depressant central nervous system simulants. The Strattera is keeping me sane. The Valerian last night kept me calm. Love kept me strong.

To my sister self: It will all be okay. We are lost and battered in two very different storms, but we will make it. You can have my strength. I'm here. I am always here. Even when I don't think I am.
I love you more and more each day for the strength you shine through in your darkest moments. I promise, beautiful girl, I swear to the fucking high heavens, you will be all right.

Excuse me while I go attempt to take my own advice.
( For you, again )

I need either more coffee or a nap

Sigh. So, earlier this morning, Ray asked me to call WestLaw and see if I could get toner for the printer, since it was malfunctioning yesterday and one of the lawyers was printing out a bunch of cases that we couldn't get to. He recommended that I make the call in the printer room and take my card with my West ID number and West's number. On that card is also the Lexis customer service number and my Lexis ID number. Remember, this is a WestLaw printer. So what do I do? I sit down and call Lexis. I talk to three different people, and mention the words "WestLaw Printer" six different times, before finally the rep says, "Wait, do you mean West? This is Lexis." Oops! Silly me. So I apologize and hang up and call West, and then get put on hold so long I have to hang up to take other calls.
Ray wound up getting through to West while I was at lunch. It'll still be a hassle to get the toner, but at least they know about it.

Things around me are still very dark. I have no choice but to put my fate in the hands of other people who know what they're doing. I know my worst-case scenario, and if it comes to that, I will deal with it. For now though, I am eternally grateful for all those who have lent their support, especially Adam and Beca. His embraces, and her words, have started lifting me up to an easier space where I can breathe deeper. This is what I need--unwavering love and encouragement, someone to say over and over, "It will be okay. We won't let you get hurt. We love you and we're here for you."
I have a desire to see Dan and play with his massage toys. Dan manages to make me smile even when I feel like I just ran over a litter of kittens. And I need to be able to smile. True, a ten-minute tickle-fest from Adam can usually cheer me up in no time, but I still need my family.

Talk about dichotomy...

( Quizzes )