Me Against The Worry

http://www.msnbc.com/news/989693.asp?cp1=1

Wow...That has to be the most perfect description of Miss Britney Spears ever. The "Hey, I never knew I was so sexy...Oh golly gee my bra fell off" completely stupidly self-unaware type of giggly blend of ingratiating puritanism and blatant stripper sexuality. And little girls are trying to emulate THAT? That's frightening.

But enough about that. Mom is fighting. She wants out. They want to keep her till at least Sunday. But the infection has not gotten worse and she's a little more cheerful. Dad tells me she's lost too much weight--and that's the scary part. You think I'm skinny? She's just as skinny, just...aged.

I know that when I called Adam and Watson and wrote in LJ to tell the news, I was upset and crying and scared and worried, and everyone told me to calm down and stop worrying...but honestly, it wasn't so much about me. It was about my reaction to how my father was reacting. Thank gods he kept his voice steady. See, I'm the type of empath that feeds directly off of other people's moods and reactions. I won't cry or panic unless the other person does. Been that way forever. When I hurt myself, I wouldn't even blink until my parents or a friend mentioned it and started freaking out. Like when I got chest pains in the gym at school and they called paramedics who gave me oxygen. I was lying there with the mask on my face, perfectly calm. When Dad rushed in and knelt over me with sheer panic and fear in his eyes, I burst into tears and begged him not to make me so scared. When Damar, my first boyfriend/best friend for five years died suddenly of a brain aneurysm in his Tennessee college, Mom called me in tears with the news. I went into shock, but didn't start sobbing until I called Adam to tell him. Like when I called him and Watson about Mom. Meltdown. It's really only when I try to break bad news to someone outside the circle that I get hysterical. Yes, my mother is in the hospital. It's scary. But as long as I can maintain my cool, I'm fine. So everyone can stop telling me to stop worrying, because I'm keeping it on the edge of my mind and not letting it take over. I know Mommy will be fine. Prepare for the worst but expect the best.

Mary Sue, where are you?

On my TMNT mailing list, we got into a heavy discussion about the Mary Sue aspect of fanfiction. A Mary Sue (or Gary Stu) is an original character that the author places among the established fandom world whose sole purpose is to be the beloved hero. The Mary Sue is gorgeous, powerful, smart, everything the author wants to be, and usually starts a romance with a fandom character (Raphael seems popular!) Mary Sue's and Gary Stu's can have magic powers, mad martial art skills, can beat Leonardo in a fight, can out-wisdom Splinter, is prettier than April...you get the idea. All over the web, there are fanfics written usually by amateur writers who aren't quite sure how not to fall in the trap. There are zillions of Buffy The Vampire Slayer fics out there dripping with Mary Sue-ness.
Mary Sue stories aren't bad things. They just tend to show a lack of experience on the author's part, an inability to create characters that can stand completely on their own as individuals (I'm not knocking anyone, I swear). Usually, the author gets better and better as they branch out.
We all took a little test to see if we write Mary Sue's, and I don't. Sometimes it may look like a main character is a blatant reflection of me, but for the most part, my characters stand on their own two feet. If they have any special powers, it's because I like writing that genre.

Anyway, to the point: I posted my result in an email, and then decided to add that the characters from my novel in progress weren't Mary Sue-ish either. (At this point, I should point out that Dana, the central main character, is still not a Mary Sue. Yes, I based her a teeny bit on aspects of myself. But she's not a perfect gorgeous goddess creature who I wish I was. I based her on my flaws, not my strengths. Besides, she doesn't even look like me. *grin* For all the psionic/magic powers and that whole "only you can save the world" destiny thing, she's still human and weak.)

Anyway, in the email, before I knew it, I had described one of the females, Kara, with "Tish's looks and Beth's and Beca's personalities."

That threw me for a loop. At the start of the book, Tish had been my main sounding board, so naturally Kara would have some of her essence. But the book--and me--has gone through some serious revisions, and now that I look back on it, it's the two female friends I most admire who have somehow woven their way into Kara's creation. Yes, the wavy black hair, pale skin and blue eyes are Tish, but Kara for the most part is very maternal and compassionate, and at the same time she will rip off people's heads if she gets pissed enough. She's tough but soft, she will defend to the death, she's loyal to the bone, and there are so many times when all she wants is alone time, to figure herself out and be annoyed at the world's stupidity. In the time that I have known both Beth and Beca, I must have quietly, subconsciously, added them to Kara's fire. And interestingly enough, after picking out the elemental spirits that my four would embody, I kept Kara as the Unicorn.
Since all four are supposed to be a combination of every classic and contemporary myth and legend known to man, Kara's unicorn spirit is true to form. But because of Kara's natural spitfire and the complaints of a few readers about the "unicorn purity" thing, I added the Tiger into the mix, like in the Chinese legends (depending on where and who you were), which had been the original basis(Phoenix, Dragon, Turtle, Unicorn/Tiger). Besides, the Unicorn can be just as powerful and tough as the Tiger.

Looking back on how the book has played out so far, I realized a few things: When Dana and Kara met and became best friends, Dana had been a virgin and incredibly innocent. Kara has always been fiercely loyal and protective of Dana. After Dana and Ian had sex, Kara stepped away slightly, became less maternal-protective and more sister-protective, but still with that tiger bite. I think the Unicorn in her realized that the pure innocence was fading, but there was enough left to want to perserve and protect (sounds familiar!). And unicorns don't necessarily have to be attracted only to virgins. I've heard plenty of stories that say otherwise. And the Tiger spirit balances it in Kara anyway.

So, I feel I must thank my two lovelies for allowing me to portray them like this. Ladies, I hope you like it once you read it. I'm gonna have to write a separate book just for acknowledgements!

I have much more to say on this, but I'll need to save it for separate entries. This is fun! It might give me more ideas.

A must-have for fanfic writers

The Mary Sue litmus test. Based around the TMNT fandom, but good with anything, ie Buffy, Babylon 5, Transformers, etc:
http://www.angelfire.com/al4/vespera_blaze/tmnt_marysue.html

I ran all my female characters through, and none of them got above 15 points, which means I don't write Mary Sue's. Whew! I think it's great to have a Mary Sue when you're starting out, but I think it's more like a stepladder. Mary Sue characters are too perfect to be realistic. You need to have depth.
Then again, it's possible to write a Mary Sue for other characters--I mean, what's with Stephen King's obsession with shy yet gutsy beautiful blonde women in his books?