Conversations with Self

Talking to yourself silently can take on a whole new meaning when parts of you have their own names. No, not "alternate personalities" or such, just parts. I have a pair of spirit guides or guardians who are extremely active in my life right now. One of them has been with me since I was born; the other showed up during my college days under a different name. Honestly, they're more than spirits; they are pieces of me that got lost for a while. They've always been in me. They just have their own names.
I had a dream last night in which I was talking to them both. They've calmed down a bit, they're more light-hearted; they used to be dark and very unlike me. But we've started merging; now they're much better. Ariana laughs more often. She's much less dark and brooding. And Sirena is less vampiric, more... actually, I'm not sure. When she was Siren, all she wanted was to protect me and possibly slaughter anyone who hurt me. Now it seems that I am being left alone to handle a lot of my wounds. This is what guardians are for, I suppose. Get you on your feet and make sure you don't stumble again. Also, they're both better at magic than I am.

I don't know why I decided to publicly announce them now. I try and keep my guardians as private as possible. I don't want to be made fun of for "thinking that I still have imaginary friends". But I kept thinking back to that LJ conversation with Josie, and I realized that you know what, screw what anyone else thinks. Sirena and Ariana are part of who I am, and if people don't believe me, they don't have to deal with me.

Yes, ignore the crazy woman with people in her head. I do all the time.

It's what I get for challenging the gay hobbit drinking game

I forgot to mention that Adam has been in Charlotte, NC, since Monday. He will be back late Friday night. So it's been me and the boys for a few days.

Earlier tonight, it was nice and calm and slow. Danny was watching TV, and Encore was showing The Return Of The King for the billionth time. Dan made me his special chocolate liquor milk drink, consisting of various dessert liquors mixed with milk.
Pippin cared for an injured Merry on the battlefield. Sam carried Frodo up Mount Doom. Sam rescued Frodo from certain lava induced doom. Sam urged Frodo to remember the shire.
And then Danny said, "Oh, I forgot. We have to drink every time a hobbit does something ambiguously but incredibly gay."
And so we sipped our glasses at every passing glance between Frodo and Sam, every touch between Merry and Pippin. Frodo awoke in the bed, all healed, and Merry and Pippin came in and jumped on the bed and hugged him, and we sipped. Then Sam was in the doorway, and the camera panned those long looks between Frodo and Sam, and we took deep breaths and sipped.
At that point, Jason came downstairs to watch with us.
Finally, we came to the farewell hugging scene. Frodo hugged Merry. Dan and I took our sips, and then I took another sip because the hug went on for a while.
And as Frodo reached for Pippin, I declared, "Fuck it. I am going to drink for as long as each of these hugs last."
Danny and Jason stared at me, because I am not a drinker; I'm lucky to get half that glass down in one night normally. "Shit," Dan said, "Go for it, Jo."
Frodo and Sam embraced as the music swelled, and I began to slowly gulp down my alcoholic milk. The boys watched, grinning. I could see Danny's eyes and smile getting wider (Dan is a champion drinker).
Jason said helpfully, "Breathe in through the nose -- not the drink, cuz that hurts..." And I lost it. I laughed so hard I snarfed alcoholic milk up my sinuses and couldn't finish. And then I laughed even harder.

Damn, my nose still hurts.

Oh, well. There's always next time. They'll most likely show ROTK tomorrow night three more times. And Danny has plenty of liquor and we still have a quarter gallon of milk in the fridge.

I have unbelievably amusing friends.