I like this quote

"There is nothing that cannot be accomplished with the proper application of meditation, fasting and prayer. But if you in a hurry, sugar, come back at midnight and bring a chicken."

--Luisah Teish, a priestess of Oshun in the Yoruba Lucumi tradition

Pure Moods

I called my mother earlier tonight (house phone is back on). She has been reading up on Trileptal. Apparently it is also used for panic disorder. That would explain what happened last night, when I took that first dose: My brain went totally calm and quiet. I will expand on this later, as it builds up in my system. From what I gather, the side effects I experienced, and will mostly likely always experience, can be summed up in four words: Slightly drunk, slightly high.
As we were starting to fall asleep, I noticed that my speech was slurring very very slightly, but that faded within a few minutes. I felt light-headed and giggly. And when Adam brushed his fingers over my arm, I almost hit the ceiling and started moaning happily. My skin felt super-sensitized, my brain lit with a thousand lights that simply stayed put and didn't move. Not like the jolts of electricity I sense coursing through my temporal lobe when I start to feel an aura.
When I woke up this morning, I experienced a quick myoclonic jerk in my spine, shoulders and legs, something I always saw as normal upon waking. The myoclonics are usually conscious things. I just cannot control them no matter how hard I try, and eventually I relinquish the battle to my brain and let my muscles spasm for those few seconds.
Throughout today, I was... quiet in my head. Peaceful. See, I realize now that every day, if not every other day, there has always been this little part of my brain holding back and preparing, tense, to warn me of any impending auras and seizures. Be it a twitch at the base of my spine or skull, a tingle in the back of my head... something was always there, waiting, moving like a pacing creature. Today, it slept. I do not think it has ever slept before. I always ignored or dismissed it, thinking it was normal and nothing to react to.
It woke up while I was riding the bus home tonight. Two quick, violent myoclonic spasms of my head, neck and shoulders, and then nothing. The creature went back to sleep. And still, my skin tingles with increased sensitivity. My tongue is buzzing; I can taste the black olives from dinner as strongly as though I just put them in my mouth. Salt. I like the salt.

I think Trileptal may be a mood-altering drug. This has been echoed by someone online I spoke to in an epilepsy forum, a guy who has gotten drunk enough and taken Ecstasty enough times to be able to compare. According to him, it seems that some of the effects of Trileptal mimic a very mild, subtle Ecstasy roll combined with a mild buzz of drunk. He said that not everyone would feel those effects, or realize those effects, but he, at least, experienced them.
*tilts head* You know, I don't really see that as a bad thing.
I can certainly understand why people would not like the drug, though, if they constantly feel drunk and high.
I have been told that one can certainly feel effects of a medication right away. I am not surprised about this. I take very well to medications, sometimes too well.
So, one tablet a night for three weeks, then twice a day, and then, once the bottle is empty, I see the neurologist. Depending on how I react to the stronger dosage, I may ask to get a full prescription, either the 150 mg or the 300 mg, twice a day. We shall see.

I took tonight's dose an hour ago. Here comes the hypersensitive skin and the mild euphoria. Bit of blurred vision, which will pass.

I'll be fine.