eating habits

Ask a hundred people how to eat healthy...
Get a hundred answers.

Someone tell me that I am not eating too much and gaining too much weight? Because I am not adopting a lifestyle of tofu and beans even if it does mean barely any calories a day...

Phew

Now that the insane female ranting is out, of my system for the moment, I am going to make myself a poppyseed bagel with cream cheese and wrap it up and save it for lunch. Take that, low-carb diets.

Beca makes an excellent point.
I am the only one who can help myself through this, so if that means not listening to (or reading) the eating habits of vegetarians and people going on and on about what is healthy and what is "bad for you" I will get better. I really will. I need to eat what I feel is best for me at any given time. If I want bacon, well gods damn it I am going to nuke myself up some crunchy bacon and like it and stick my tongue out at the health commissioner. And then I will eat a salad and some fruit and do a little dance.
This bizarre back-and-forth mentality thing is getting old. I know I am healthier than I have ever been, and I hate that I am relapsing. Because it is a sneaky relapse. It is not as if I am suddenly eating just five hundred calories a day and losing twenty pounds. I'm just thinking, "Oh gods, should I have eaten that? How many calories were in that? Blah blah blah."

My therapist said that the first step was acknowledgement. The second step was the first step in that very long, very exhausting battle to win back control and freedom. As with any disease or mental disorder.

Watch. One of these days they will come out with a pill that controls anorexia, like a pill to control bipolar or schizophrenia or depression. Unless they already have?

Fear

Morning smiles
like the face
of a newborn child
innocent unknowing.
Winter's end
promises
of a long lost friend.
Speaks to me of comfort
but I fear
I have nothing to give.
I have so much
to lose here in this lonely place.
Tangled up in your embrace
there's there's nothing I'd like better than
to fall.
but I fear
I have nothing to give.
Wind in time
rapes the flower
trembling on the vine
and nothing yields to shelter
from above.
They say temptation will destroy our love.
The never ending hunger
but I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much
to lose here in this lonely place
tangled up in our embrace
there's nothing I'd like better than
to fall
but I fear
I have nothing to give.
I have so much to lose.
I have nothing to give.
We have so much to lose...

Sarah McLachlan, "Fear"

( Being the stronger one )

I love this woman

Dancer sues for being fired due to her naturally growing larger breasts

pretty rings and other things

My wedding ring, except mine is electrum (alloy of gold, silver and copper).
My right hand power ring, much prettier than the photo.

I've been posting a lot today, I know. But that is because the rain finally stopped and sun just came out, and I am also feeling much better about myself. I don't feel so concerned about the phone appointment with my therapist anymore, or the poppyseed bagel which was delicious, or my current intense craving for avocados, which I can have tonight at home.
My lower back pain is murderous, but that's okay. At least my fucked-up knees have quit aching. The healing power of sunlight.
I've sort of stopped wearing commercial sunscreen. Now I just use moisturizers that pack an antioxidant punch with ingredients that, while not "FDA approved," will honestly, really protect from UV rays. They don't have an SPF number, but they are seen as natural sunscreens. I've done enough research and talked to half a dozen holistic doctors, holistic dermatologists, and a few people who are doing just what I am doing. I have been told that it's okay to do this, as long as I'm careful in the sun (duh). This one woman who lives in the heart of Arizona only uses pure sea buckthorn oil and shea butter, and she has not burned, wrinkled, or gotten any weird skin problems.
I will wear "real" sunscreen on the days when I am out in the blazing sun for a while (Badger Balm Sunscreen is my favorite), but on everyday normal outdoor walks and excursions, I do what the folks out on the plains of Africa do and smear on the shea butter (and various other oils).
"Damage from sun produces free radicals which in turn increases the rate at which skin ages and can even become cancerous. To avoid damage skin needs year round protection -- especially with the decreased ozone layer. Shea butter contains natural UV sun protection. Daily usage of Shea butter on the face and body drastically reduces sun exposure -- slowing down the rate of aging due to external factors, as well as acts as a natural mantle to protect against elements such as cigarette smoke, smog and chemical pollutants in the air."
And no, I don't recommend that everyone does this. I am not a doctor. I'm just saying that I do it.

Baaa, sweetie...

Yes, even animals can be gay. So, get over yourselves, homophobics. It's more natural than you think, and certainly beneficial.
http://www.seedmagazine.com/news/2006/06/the_gay_animal_kingdom.php