social wallbutterfly

Emily and Steve's wedding was beautiful. Emily is Danny P.'s younger sister, but I didn't really know her that well outside of my relationship with Danny, so I was thrilled to be invited, getting a chance to know her better. I had moments of happy nostalgia upon noticing that Emily's wedding dress looked exactly like my own wedding dress, and that their cake tasted like my wedding cake. When I told Emily this, she happily took it as a good sign.
The weather was perfectly warm and sunny, the place (Strong Mansion on Sugarloaf Mountain) was breathtaking and spectacular, and everything went wonderfully. Adam was in Boston, so I rode in with Jason and Megan, whose relationship is going very well. Megan and I bonded during the drive, as we are both shy and both preferred personal contact over crowds. I'm happy she and Jason found each other; they seem very good for each other. At the reception, I quickly befriended Melissa's boyfriend, Steve B. I learned that he is epileptic, loves natural skin care, and loves books as much as I do. I hope to see him again soon. I hung out most of the day with Lucy and Dan D., who I haven't hung out with in a while, who will be getting married next month. I really need to go over to their house more often, what with Danny living there too. I need to be more social. I'm glad I got a chance at the reception to make new friends and reconnect with others. I needed this.

I really should get to bed. I found out that I still can't walk properly in fancy formal shoes, not even wedge heels. The shoes were comfortable and easy to wear, but I was not used to them at all. This is why I only wear fashion boots with thick two-inch heels, the only shoes I feel comfortable in. I realize I should train myself to walk in fancy shoes more often, but it can get unbelievably painful.

Adam will be home tomorrow. He has stopped itching, thank gods. But his sinuses have been acting up, possibly a reaction to the prescription antihistamines and steroids. He should be fine. He misses me.

a simple body thought

I recently posted another photo of myself in the curvygirls community, after being body-anxious for a while. The semi-nude shot was very well-received, just like all the other nude photos I've posted in that community. And I finally realized: No matter how many times I stare at my body in the mirror and find flaws and wrongness, a camera doesn't lie. Those comments I get, those comments like "beautiful" and "amazing" and "stunning" and "perfect curves" and "fantastic breasts" and "gorgeous hips" really do mean something.
I forget, all the time. I forget, because of what I think the mirror tells me.
It is not the mirror that tells me these things. It is my mind. Myself. I think these thoughts, and these thoughts become my eyes, and I see things that are not true, because the mirror reflects not just body, but mind. That's why it can be difficult. I should never blame the mirror.
Today, I had a long deep conversation with a man I'd only known for a couple of hours and a woman I'd known for eight years. We talked truthfully about body image, about eating disorders and disordered eating, about media influence and scrutiny, about the ease with which we can fall into these traps. My friends told me with real truth that I am beautiful with my curves and I always will be and nothing can change that. I realized that even if I lose ten pounds or gain five pounds, my curves are here to stay, and I have learned to embrace them because they are me. This is who I am.
Tonight, when I looked in the mirror after removing my clothes, I looked long and hard, and I thought, "Okay. You are someone I can live with. I love you."

That's all. Good night, lovely body.