Grammar humor, Candorville style

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Fun Day and Female Issues

I know this is a bit TMI, but screw it. I currently feel like there is a sparkly rapidly-aging half-vampire fetus in my womb trying to rip me open with its teeth. I am tempted to call it Nessie. Hopefully it won't eat the tampon. It is making me want to drink blood, though. (Seriously, I want a marinated juicy rare steak for dinner. I get fully carnivorous during my menses.)
So, between this, a vicious fibromyalgia flare-up, sciatica throbbing in both legs, a migraine trying to happen, and my right ankle having been almost twisted, I'm having a fun day.
How about you all?