Feh

This morning, I woke up with almost no strength in my right hand, with the wrist inflamed, with the fingers painfully stiff. The whole day, my right hand and wrist stayed like that. Throbbing and burning and weak. My dominant hand. I wanted to scream.
It is better now. I feel better now. I am begging the universe to not do that to me again. My dominant hand, my everything hand, the one part of my body that rarely ever hurts.

Dark circles under my eyes, blemishes along my jawline and cheek, bruises on my knees, eczema on my hands. Stiffness and aching deep in every part of me, feeling as though I might burn up at any moment. Muscle tension, muscle spasms. Appetite and desire for food wobbling, as I go back and forth between feeling beautiful and feeling disgusting. Wanting so desperately to be the kind of person who can do aerobic and acrobatic yoga moves without screaming and sobbing in crushing agony. Wanting desperately for my mind to be whole. Wishing I didn't disappoint people so much.
Seems as though I have had a solid week of "Fuck all this, I cannot do this anymore."

I had been taking a break from most of my supplements. Time to start up again in earnest. They have honestly been working.

Adam is safely in Albuquerque, with Jay, who will be taking over the job when Adam returns home this weekend.

Tomorrow is Friday. It still feels like the middle of the week.