Body Thoughts

I woke up feeling bloated and heavy, stiff and sore. I woke up covered in kitten. She licked my face, walked all over my torso, chirped at me until I moved. I went for a long walk, which turned into a ride to the Safeway. Random chance had me run into Charlotte and Billy, who were returning from the dentist. I spent some time with Charlotte. We danced in the car to Adam Lambert songs.

I am home, alternately writing and exercising. I've decided to slowly lose fifteen pounds, firm up more, and gain more lean muscle. Belly dancing and gentle Pilates should help. Eventually I will work with my fear of drowning so I can properly swim at a local pool. I also need to organize my disordered eating habits once more. I refuse to fall back into anorexia.
I don't talk about weight much, not after the ED recovery, after having struggled to come to terms with a constantly changing personal body image. I wish this society did not place so much reverence and taboo on size, on weight, on appearance. I want to feel more open, discussing weight and size, without making others feel awkward.

Feminism rant. Ignore if you wish.

Great quotes I found on a forum.

"I'm so tired of women who cry 'Girlpower!' and then relate their better sense of self to being different than women because they're like a man. I'm a powerful, no bullshit, unconventional, uber unique female who likes football and cursing with a roughhousing business style, not like other women, so that means I'm pretty masculine minded, but I can still wear my high heels. Yay, that's feminism!
No, feminism is taking all those facets that make up who you are and stating that you are a whole person, man or woman or both or neutral. Why are the gender distinctions necessary? Crediting your strength and independence on an inner male source inside you is just perpetuating the stereotypes between masculinity and femininity and insulting your gender. Stop increasing the gap between male and female attributes because the very things that you're listing under each term are all culturally instilled perspectives that are fucked up to begin with. Being masculine and feminine is a state of gender, which is a state of mind, not a state of genitals."

"I really hate it when women automatically go for the default "I'm one of the guys/I'm pretty masculine" path when referencing their interests and behaviors. Why not do something progressive like stating those traits are not masculine, but just you? Being female does not mean being dainty and emotional. Men can be those very things and it doesn't make them any less of a man. Sex does not equal gender. Gender roles have gone and fucked up so many perceptions. 'I'm a woman, but my way of thinking is very masculine.' Are you kidding me?"

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Note: I always get confused by people who claim to hate feminism. I was raised to believe that being feminist means believing in the ability and freedom of humans to be human. It's about being treated equally as human beings. Women are not sex objects or baby factories, they're people. Feminism means feeling safe and validated in your own body, your own mind. It means not being seen as weaker just because you have a vagina.
When someone tells me they're not a feminist and they don't ever want to be called feminist, I honestly ask why. To me, feminism isn't just about women, it's also about men. It's about appreciating what makes women and men unique. Our biological, chromosomal, genetic, hormonal, neurological, and physical differences and similarities. Our psychological similarities and differences. I don't believe in abolishing gender, I find the concept bizarre; but I do believe wholeheartedly in gender fluidity and many genders. I believe that you can be feminine and masculine regardless of what is between your legs. Being cisgendered and being transgendered, and being anything inbetween, is powerful. Knowing who you are is powerful. Embrace your gender and your sex, embrace your diversity and your fluidity. Don't try to abolish it or quash it!
Maybe feminism isn't the right word anymore, but it's still a good idea.