Being Alice: Little Earthquakes

Fuck, I hate the smaller seizures that cause muscle issues. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

The last one was on September 22nd. Thank the gods I keep writing them down here.

It began with extreme disorientation and a sense of being pulled out of my body. For a second, I didn't recognize my surroundings in my bedroom. Then the entire left side of my body twitched violently, and I stumbled and caught myself on the edge of the bed. Curse after curse flew out of my mouth and I felt the strong urge to cry or scream. My brain felt overloaded and overheated. And then it was over. My head was spinning.

I went to the bathroom and checked my face and eyes in the mirror. I looked tired, ragged, and sweaty, with dark circles blooming under my eyes. My eyes had a haunted, faraway look. And I can't explain this, but sometimes after a seizure, when I can look myself in the eyes, my irises look like they are flecked with gold. It fades after a while. I have no clue what that's about.

I took my dose of Trileptal immediately afterward, since it was time for my pill anyway. I'll take some Tryptophan and Valerian later.

Gnar.

"I'm all right, I'm okay. And I'll live to fight for another day."

My thanks to the following herbs and plant extracts: Kava, Cha De Bugre, Valerian. My brain feels better. I am calm, cool, collected, loose. Also, Luna has been sitting on the floor staring up at me for twenty minutes. She is so sweet.

I finally finished "The Adoration of Jenna Fox" by Mary Pearson. I love this book. It has its issues (plot holes, abrupt ending, unanswered questions) but overall it is so amazing. It reinforced my desire to be partly synthetic. It is one of the best YA books I have read in a long time.

I'm experiencing some mild post-seizure hypomania-like symptoms, and I think I feel a migraine happening. Getting to sleep later tonight will be fun.