Tired but not quite

We made cupcakes. They are awesome. We added frozen blueberries to chocolate cake mix, and then we used Nutella as frosting for half the cupcakes. They're so soft and fluffy, with gooey blueberries throughout. I plan on making them often, perhaps with a healthier cake mix.

When I was a child, I didn't understand Christmas. Not the religious part, not the insane shopping spree part, not the frantic cooking part. While I loved opening presents under a tree, I felt conflicted, because I just didn't feel the way others seemed to feel. I thought the religion part of Christmas was bizarre and ridiculous. I thought the shopping part was weird and scary. I was an odd child, I guess. My mother and father, atheist and agnostic, celebrated all holidays as secular social gatherings separate from their religious families; that might have influenced me a bit.
I just know that I'm not feeling any "holiday joy" right now. I'm just happy to have made cupcakes and have gotten gifts for friends that I would have gotten any day. I don't know. I'm probably being a bitch. Holiday season, etcetera, I suck because I'm not into it. I've been feeling like this for over a week now. It's probably the weather. Literally. I think winter might be affecting me. Also, that seizure I had a couple of weeks ago didn't help. I just feel emotionally unwell.

This morning, I woke up to find that Rose had pushed herself under my arm and curled up. It looked like I was cuddling a stuffed animal. Luna was stretched out between my feet. Jupiter was lying against my leg. I love my cats.

When someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes.

Going to expand on something I said to a friend in my last post.

"Of course, by the time I was seven I knew my parents and other people bought all my presents, but I decided to see Santa Claus as a mythological demi-god who approved of humans giving gifts (I was obsessed with Greek mythology for a while as a kid)."

I had nearly forgotten about all that.
So, I have always known that Christmas, as a Christian holiday, was not a thing I wanted to take part of. When I was a very small child, my atheist parents took me to a wedding in a huge church, and at some point I found myself faced with a giant wall hanging of the cruxifiction of Jesus, merrily painted in bold colors, with the man's eyes bulging out; it was rather horrific. Mom quickly grabbed me away and explained the whole thing in a respectful secular way, and I found myself comforted by the thought that, "Oh so they're like the Ancient Greeks, only with weirder crazier rules, and with only one God."
See, I was having an obsession with Greek mythology. All world mythology, really, but I really latched on to the Greek stuff.
Backstory: One day in school, some classmates asked me what my religion was. I blinked that them a few times and said "I don't know." They asked if I believed in God. I said, "Which one?" And they got kind of upset and huffy and grumbled, "Well, the only one! The real God!" And that got me all confused and thinking. I went home and asked my mother, "Hey, Mom, what religion are we?" She said, "Well, my family is Jewish and Daddy's family is Catholic, but Daddy and I are not religious. I'm atheist and he's agnostic. That means that I don't believe in any god, and Daddy isn't sure if any gods exist or not. You can pick any religion you want, or not." And then she hauled out a giant heavy book titled "World Mythology and Religions" and plunked it down on the dining room table.
I devoured that tome. And I don't know why, but the Greek myths grabbed my attention the most.
So. Then.
I decided to be agnostic. Later on, my father would reveal that as a young man he was naturally psychic. He had a talent for precognition and clairvoyance and an amazing thing with Tarot cards. He would give me his old beloved Tarot deck, and the energy radiating off that deck was epic. Mom would later reveal that she had a few abilities herself. This was actually after I decided to become pagan. Eclectic pagan, actually. Polytheistic. Also, I was having dreams and things.
So. Then.
Back to Santa Claus.
Long before I was pagan, long before I was agnostic, long before I understood all the different religions, I believed that Santa Claus was a demi-god of giving and sharing. That he gained power when humans would buy presents for each other, help out those in need, etc. I decided that Christmas was just some random Christian holiday that got stuck on after some pagan ones, and after some research I decided to see what Sol Invictus was about. Sol Invictus sounded awesome. And hey, Roman history.
Much later, I would decide that the best way to celebrate the winter festival on or around the solstice that heralded the Death and Birth of Various Sun Gods would be to throw a bunch of parties, put up lots of lights, make a lot of food, pass around a lot of toys, and be nice to plants. The logic behind this was the following. Celebrating the fact that we made it through all those long dark nights. Feasting maniacally, because hey, food, we're here to enjoy. Lighting up the whole damn neighborhood because, well, it's extremely dark outside. Toys because some of our loved ones may have needed stuff, so we were nice and sharing and got them their stuff just in case they couldn't, and hey, the various Sun Gods would have done the same. Plants, because any plant that stayed green during the long harsh dark winters deserved some mad respect, so let's dress all our plants up and be grateful they help give us oxygen. Also, more pretty things to look at while it's cold and dark and miserable outside. And all those various Sun Gods and that one demi-god of giving and sharing would be happy and smiling with us, because dude, it's a party. Have some beer.
And then I learned who Santa Claus actually was, or rather all the theories, especially the one with Odin, and I thought, "Well, okay, I was kind of right, maybe."

http://therealtemple.blogspot.com/2008/11/saint-nicholas-truth-behind-santa-claus.html
http://www.mysticvoodoo.com/santa-claus.htm
http://www.economicexpert.com/a/Tomte.htm
http://www.tasteoftx.com/holidays/xmas/santa.html
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2106196.Santa_Claus_Last_of_the_Wild_Men
http://www.mythicalcreaturesguide.com/page/The+History+of+Santa+Claus
http://www.culture.gouv.fr/culture/noel/angl/cultes.htm