Come sail your ships around me and burn your bridges down

I slept badly, kept being jolted awake by nightmares and panic. I woke up thirty minutes before the alarm was set to go off and was greeted immediately by Rose, who seemed worried. She sat on me and licked my nose for a few minutes, her eyes huge and bright. She followed me into the bathroom and then back to bed, as I tried to lay and rest just a little bit more.

The lawyer's office called, asking to reschedule due to the snow and weather. So he'll come by on the seventh of February. I'm not even sure I'll need him, since I've filled out all the forms, including the What I Do All Day eight page form and the Where I Used To Work form. I had one nightmare that made me believe that not only would the SSDI people reject me, they would strip me of my disability status and would deem me worthless and pointless.

I've been listening to Nick Cave's "The Ship Song" over and over. I know he wrote it for Anita Lane and their many arguments throughout their relationship, but I'm hearing it as two parts of myself fighting each other. Sometimes I barely know who I am anymore.

Rose and Luna are both curled up in meatloaf position near my feet. They're both purring. I feel like crying and I don't really know why. Probably more post-seizure emotional fallout. Time for kava tea.

About the weather, etc.

So, the snow.
The good news is that my area of Gaithersburg and Rockville got only a few inches, plus a very light smattering of icy, rainy snow. The bad news is it is just as dangerous as everywhere else. I am lucky I don't have to leave the house. I am lucky I still have electricity, for now. I am lucky my husband will be home from Texas this weekend, after the weather has cleared.

I'm watching Pixar's "Up" for the first time. It is sweet and sad and entertaining. Also, sad.

My head hurts. I want the nightmares and anxiety attacks to end. Maybe that will happen tonight.