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Out, Out, Damn Spot
Mar. 9th, 2011 03:45 pmSo, everybody has been telling me that dreams about being dead are good omens. If that's the case, I had better have a ton of good luck heap on me soon. Maybe. I don't know.
The dreams involved being away from my body and feeling at peace. There was no physical pain. There were no physical problems. But in this dead world there were spiritual problems. I could still feel things. Love, hate, fear, worry, joy, excitement, jealousy, humor, enjoyment, pleasure. I never did think the afterlife would be a perfect haven of ideal beauty anyway. Not if gods and spirits and souls are fallible and flawed.
But it was a good death. I was good. I was fine. I was done. I was at peace with my life. That was what mattered.
I need to be more at peace with my life while I'm living it, now. I cannot blame other people for my reactions to their words, but I can work to control what I feel and say in response. I cannot play counselor to my friends and shut off my emotions at the same time, but I can work to separate my pain from their pain. I cannot expect the world to improve quickly, but I can do my best to improve myself in the world.
I think my respiratory virus is dying. I don't necessarily feel better, but I no longer feel hideously sick. I am breathing better. My coughing is no longer very productive. My congestion and sinus pain have improved. I think tomorrow or Friday should find me well. I hope I can say the same for Adam. His sinus and congestion problems have blocked up his right ear for a while. And he's in Phoenix, Arizona. That dry heat can't be helping. My poor boy. I wish I could heal him over the phone.
I managed a walk and a bus ride to CVS to pick up more Flexeril, and I got a huge coupon for Ensure. I might as well, since my appetite has been so meager. I bought a pack of dark chocolate Ensure Plus with immune boost, for half the price. That will at least provide nutrition and calories until I can start eating regular decent meals again.
The dreams involved being away from my body and feeling at peace. There was no physical pain. There were no physical problems. But in this dead world there were spiritual problems. I could still feel things. Love, hate, fear, worry, joy, excitement, jealousy, humor, enjoyment, pleasure. I never did think the afterlife would be a perfect haven of ideal beauty anyway. Not if gods and spirits and souls are fallible and flawed.
But it was a good death. I was good. I was fine. I was done. I was at peace with my life. That was what mattered.
I need to be more at peace with my life while I'm living it, now. I cannot blame other people for my reactions to their words, but I can work to control what I feel and say in response. I cannot play counselor to my friends and shut off my emotions at the same time, but I can work to separate my pain from their pain. I cannot expect the world to improve quickly, but I can do my best to improve myself in the world.
I think my respiratory virus is dying. I don't necessarily feel better, but I no longer feel hideously sick. I am breathing better. My coughing is no longer very productive. My congestion and sinus pain have improved. I think tomorrow or Friday should find me well. I hope I can say the same for Adam. His sinus and congestion problems have blocked up his right ear for a while. And he's in Phoenix, Arizona. That dry heat can't be helping. My poor boy. I wish I could heal him over the phone.
I managed a walk and a bus ride to CVS to pick up more Flexeril, and I got a huge coupon for Ensure. I might as well, since my appetite has been so meager. I bought a pack of dark chocolate Ensure Plus with immune boost, for half the price. That will at least provide nutrition and calories until I can start eating regular decent meals again.
