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May. 12th, 2014 07:21 pmI am so sorry, LiveJournal. I never mean to neglect you. Facebook is full of all my friends and sometimes it's easier to cross post, you know?
I'm writing this from my phone while I lie in bed. Last night I had a panic attack and a seizure and insomnia and it was a clusterfuck. You know how in temporal lobe epilepsy, you sometimes get psychic and sensory hallucinations during postictal recovery? That's part of the reason I'm resting so hard. Body dysmorphia is acting up because my neurology is too fucked up to sort stuff out right now. I look in the mirror and see a creepy ugly version of me. My perceptions and sensory processing have been twisting.
Things feel wrong, sound wrong, look wrong, smell and taste wrong. My entire body is reacting to the neurology. Gut, muscles, skin, nerves. You know. I don't want to say I'm heading into a depression, but I know I am. Knowledge is very good. And you know what, the fruit flavored herbal vape supplement does help. It's a recent thing. I haven't talked about it. I like that it's like an opioid without the weirder side effects. It's supplemental to the drugs. I am profoundly grateful for the baclofen, the tramadol, the codeine. It all keeps me balanced.
This too shall pass of course.
My phone amuses me with its predictive text.
It is raining. No wonder I started crashing.
I will most likely edit and update the entry tomorrow.
I love you guys.
I'm writing this from my phone while I lie in bed. Last night I had a panic attack and a seizure and insomnia and it was a clusterfuck. You know how in temporal lobe epilepsy, you sometimes get psychic and sensory hallucinations during postictal recovery? That's part of the reason I'm resting so hard. Body dysmorphia is acting up because my neurology is too fucked up to sort stuff out right now. I look in the mirror and see a creepy ugly version of me. My perceptions and sensory processing have been twisting.
Things feel wrong, sound wrong, look wrong, smell and taste wrong. My entire body is reacting to the neurology. Gut, muscles, skin, nerves. You know. I don't want to say I'm heading into a depression, but I know I am. Knowledge is very good. And you know what, the fruit flavored herbal vape supplement does help. It's a recent thing. I haven't talked about it. I like that it's like an opioid without the weirder side effects. It's supplemental to the drugs. I am profoundly grateful for the baclofen, the tramadol, the codeine. It all keeps me balanced.
This too shall pass of course.
My phone amuses me with its predictive text.
It is raining. No wonder I started crashing.
I will most likely edit and update the entry tomorrow.
I love you guys.
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