brightlotusmoon | Roller Coaster

I've gone from better to meh. Been taking anti-inflammatories, both internal and topical. There is a feverish feeling, but that could be a lie -- fibromyalgia likes to tease with that. I was doing well this morning. I exercised, and stretched, and danced, and rearranged some of my dresser drawers, and played with the cats, and went for a walk. I read more books. I wrote more of my book.

This, too, shall pass. Always does. Always returns in some form, but I am never without a weapon of some sort.

A couple of years ago, a friend who also had chronic pain was trying to help. I had told her that "At any minute, my pain can increase." She tried to be helpful by telling me to "Never expect or anticipate the pain, ignore it as best you can and stop focusing on when it will happen." She got it wrong. That strategy may have worked for her. But everyone is different. I never expect pain. I don't have to. It doesn't come and go, because it never leaves. It just lessens. It may always been in the back of my mind, but I never focus on that empty spot of future that will be filled by pain; what good would that do? I just go about my day, and pain happens when it happens.

And so the chronic pain happens, and so I deal with it now, and so I rest. I don't know my future. I don't know how I will feel tomorrow. I have no anticipation for my symptoms. I just ride to the top of the roller coaster, close my eyes, and hope that the drop will not send me spinning and screaming too fiercely.