Flying Colors, Floating Stones
Nov. 12th, 2010 03:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightlotusmoonDear Body: You astound me. I drank coffee, I drank moringa tea, I took anti-fatigue pills (royal jelly, resveratrol, cha de bugre, acai, mangosteen, noni). I exercised with mini kettlebells and leg lifts. I did what I could to increase my energy levels. I am still exhausted, fatigued, drained, and weakened. Astounding. Really. Marvelous. You never fail to fascinate me.
I've been having dreams in which I am lying on a metal gurney, naked. The Egyptian deities Thoth, Anubis, and Isis are hovering over me. I'm having autopsy while still alive. Thoth is reporting his findings in monotone, delicately slicing off pieces of each vital organ after he weighs them. Anubis leans down and tells me, "Don't worry. You're lighter than the feather of Maat." That relieves me. I ask, "Is Isis here to heal me?" Isis appears on my other side and smiles, stroking my forehead. I am filled with light and energy. She says in a voice like a bell, "You are a healer, but you need to be taught, and you need confidence. You are made of light and crystal. I will take care of you. I will be with you. I will fight with you. But you are still on your own." I smile back and say, "I can work with that." Thoth replaces all my organs, telling me that they're better than he assumed. He sews me back up. Isis gives me a cream-colored gown with gold trimmings. They all point to the glass double doors leading out of the morgue. Isis calls to me, "I've never met her, but I hear she can help you too. Just say yes. And hold her hand when she offers."
There is a woman waiting for me. Her hair is long and red, her eyes the colors of storms and rivers and trees. She holds out her hand and says, "Come with me. I am with you." I take her hand, and it is like closing my hand around a flame. I smile and say, "Thanks for picking me up, Brigid. I'm so tired." She nods and says, "You are made of silver and steel and platinum, diamonds and rubies and topaz. You fight in ways you don't realize. I will be the fire inside you. I will take care of you. I will fight with you. But you are still on your own." We walk outside. The sky is clear and bright. The sun is shining. There is a slight breeze. Brigid picks me up and throws me into the sky, and calls out "Fly! Leave your fear! Just fly!" I am screaming and crying in complete shock. But I don't fall. I float upward, gasping. I am whimpering "Help, help, help" over and over. But I am still floating gently, and gradually I calm down. I can't see anything but sky and clouds. My body is burning and freezing simultaneously. I focus and try to balance it out. It is painful and violent and I want to burst into tears and I want to take a long break even though I know I can't. It never even crosses my mind that giving up would be an option. I just want to move through this. I keep pushing, and fighting, and struggling, and I am silently crying.
And then I wake up.
I don't know what will happen next.
I've been having dreams in which I am lying on a metal gurney, naked. The Egyptian deities Thoth, Anubis, and Isis are hovering over me. I'm having autopsy while still alive. Thoth is reporting his findings in monotone, delicately slicing off pieces of each vital organ after he weighs them. Anubis leans down and tells me, "Don't worry. You're lighter than the feather of Maat." That relieves me. I ask, "Is Isis here to heal me?" Isis appears on my other side and smiles, stroking my forehead. I am filled with light and energy. She says in a voice like a bell, "You are a healer, but you need to be taught, and you need confidence. You are made of light and crystal. I will take care of you. I will be with you. I will fight with you. But you are still on your own." I smile back and say, "I can work with that." Thoth replaces all my organs, telling me that they're better than he assumed. He sews me back up. Isis gives me a cream-colored gown with gold trimmings. They all point to the glass double doors leading out of the morgue. Isis calls to me, "I've never met her, but I hear she can help you too. Just say yes. And hold her hand when she offers."
There is a woman waiting for me. Her hair is long and red, her eyes the colors of storms and rivers and trees. She holds out her hand and says, "Come with me. I am with you." I take her hand, and it is like closing my hand around a flame. I smile and say, "Thanks for picking me up, Brigid. I'm so tired." She nods and says, "You are made of silver and steel and platinum, diamonds and rubies and topaz. You fight in ways you don't realize. I will be the fire inside you. I will take care of you. I will fight with you. But you are still on your own." We walk outside. The sky is clear and bright. The sun is shining. There is a slight breeze. Brigid picks me up and throws me into the sky, and calls out "Fly! Leave your fear! Just fly!" I am screaming and crying in complete shock. But I don't fall. I float upward, gasping. I am whimpering "Help, help, help" over and over. But I am still floating gently, and gradually I calm down. I can't see anything but sky and clouds. My body is burning and freezing simultaneously. I focus and try to balance it out. It is painful and violent and I want to burst into tears and I want to take a long break even though I know I can't. It never even crosses my mind that giving up would be an option. I just want to move through this. I keep pushing, and fighting, and struggling, and I am silently crying.
And then I wake up.
I don't know what will happen next.
Tags:
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-11-13 09:59 am (UTC)I'm glad you weigh less than the Feather of Ma'at. I rather thought you would.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-13 06:29 pm (UTC)Outside forces might include my lack of a job and intense drama among my social circle. Who knows.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-14 08:54 am (UTC)Yeah, lack of a job is an issue for me, too. Drama amongst one's social circle is not fun. I don't handle it very well, and I do my best to minimize my own issues in public dealings, such as jealousy that I didn't get picked for something I wanted. I tamp it down until I'm in private, or a one-on-one with the person who made the choice, where I do my best to remain calm about the issue.
I *have* been feeling left out of some of my circles of late. Not always sure why.