Tomorrow...
May. 21st, 2011 03:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightlotusmoonSunday, the twenty-second, is our sixth wedding anniversary.
I don't remember much about that day anyway, so the days surrounding that date feel more celebratory. Adam's mother was a hurricane that day, taking over almost everything and making sure the wedding was how she wanted it, more Jewish than pagan (she told me it was for her own mother and not for me; I don't think she was joking). I remember fighting her on several things I didn't want and losing. Adam and I were both out of our minds on our wedding day. He'd gotten into a screaming, raging fight with his mother that morning and was ready to go insane. I was a terrified nervous wreck all throughout because it was not really the wedding I had thought I wanted and I had no idea what would happen. Most of the guests were members of Adam's family who I barely knew and I was scared of them judging me. I was a complete mess, full of both joy and panic and probably experiencing a bit of depersonalization and derealization.
(Also, I bet I sound like an ungrateful bitch right now, but every year on the day before this anniversary I start having anxiety attacks and start losing memories of the entire year of 2005.)
The only bits I solidly remember are two things: the ceremony itself, starting from when I stood with Adam at the end of the aisle and ending with Adam and I walking back up the aisle to another room, where I collapsed on a couch and burst into tears; and sitting next to Beca, my matron of honor, and grasping her arm in sheer relief that it was all over and we could go home soon.
It doesn't matter. It really, really doesn't matter. We got married, nobody went insane (I think), his parents moved to Florida a few months afterward, and we love each other (and we love his mother, just from far away).
Adam is still in Las Vegas and won't be home until late Wednesday or early Thursday. We will video chat and talk on the phone and act like it's just another day.
I don't remember much about that day anyway, so the days surrounding that date feel more celebratory. Adam's mother was a hurricane that day, taking over almost everything and making sure the wedding was how she wanted it, more Jewish than pagan (she told me it was for her own mother and not for me; I don't think she was joking). I remember fighting her on several things I didn't want and losing. Adam and I were both out of our minds on our wedding day. He'd gotten into a screaming, raging fight with his mother that morning and was ready to go insane. I was a terrified nervous wreck all throughout because it was not really the wedding I had thought I wanted and I had no idea what would happen. Most of the guests were members of Adam's family who I barely knew and I was scared of them judging me. I was a complete mess, full of both joy and panic and probably experiencing a bit of depersonalization and derealization.
(Also, I bet I sound like an ungrateful bitch right now, but every year on the day before this anniversary I start having anxiety attacks and start losing memories of the entire year of 2005.)
The only bits I solidly remember are two things: the ceremony itself, starting from when I stood with Adam at the end of the aisle and ending with Adam and I walking back up the aisle to another room, where I collapsed on a couch and burst into tears; and sitting next to Beca, my matron of honor, and grasping her arm in sheer relief that it was all over and we could go home soon.
It doesn't matter. It really, really doesn't matter. We got married, nobody went insane (I think), his parents moved to Florida a few months afterward, and we love each other (and we love his mother, just from far away).
Adam is still in Las Vegas and won't be home until late Wednesday or early Thursday. We will video chat and talk on the phone and act like it's just another day.
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no subject
Date: 2011-05-21 10:50 pm (UTC)*hugs more*
no subject
Date: 2011-05-22 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-23 02:17 pm (UTC)Not at all. Whenever you refer to this, I get angry on your behalf.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-23 02:35 pm (UTC)