It's my universe, and I can play with it forever

[brightlotusmoon]

In therapy today, I realized some very extreme revelations about why I've been stalled in my writing, and my therapist was able to help me see through it and separate my writing self from my physical self. The classic phrase "Writing is part of me, writing is in my blood" was a very literal thing for me. It was like a blood vessel or an artery. The way I was feeling about my damaged body was badly reflecting on how I was feeling about my writing skills. So we worked it out, and I slowly began to understand that I did not need to actually become my writing the way my chronic conditions were overtaking my body. I needed to separate it all.
In that process, I suddenly had a realization that had eluded me for ten years regarding my novel in progress. That led to a realization that I could easily write short stories again, if I followed my heart and nothing else. It was so monumental and powerful that I fell back against the couch, began laughing, gripped my head in my hands, and gasped, "My gods, what the fuck have I been doing?"
Dr. Jen was grinning from ear to ear. "I can feel your energy from here!" she said excitedly. "Here, write it down." She gave me a pen and a pad of paper, and I quickly scribbled just a few lines -- just enough to remind me of what I had to do. Dr. Jen proclaimed that this was one of our best sessions. There is a weight lifted. Relief is falling all around me and consuming me. My mantra for this is "I am doing this." Not "I will do it" or "I will try to do it."
"I will do this."

I'm off to MS Word now.
Ten years. Ten fucking years...

There is more. There is so much more, but this is all I can remember right now.
I haven't felt this confident about my writing in a fucking decade.
Oh my gods.

Comments

[unico-love.livejournal.com]

That's great!

[nakeddementia.livejournal.com]

hellz to the yeah!
i am grinning for you too