Notes

Yesterday's most amusing quote, from my husband: "I am going to touch you in ways that will make you want to find a responsible adult and tell."
I ate a variety of Wisconsin cheese, and emu jerky. Emu is tasty! It's like chicken but also beefy. I've always wanted to try it, since the oil is so good to my skin.
Later in the night, after lovemaking, Adam became insomniac and went downstairs so I could sleep. Apparently he came upstairs and slept for a few hours, but I was dead asleep then. Funny thing, I woke up in the middle of the night and reached for the bottle of L-Theanine and swallowed two to help me go back to sleep. And I spent the next hour wondering why the hell I couldn't sleep. Theanine always knocks me out.
Tuesday was curled up pressed against my legs, so I took comfort in that and finally fell back asleep.
When I woke up with the alarm, I knew that Adam was still in the living room. I heard the dryer going. I went to my bureau and the many supplement bottles there. And then I realized why the Theanine had not been working. The bottles of L-Theanine and L-Tyrosine look exactly the same. The bottle I had grabbed last night had not been Theanine. It was Tyrosine. D'oh. Tyrosine does the exact opposite of Theanine. I take it in the morning to wake me up. Silly.
I really need to keep those two bottles away from each other.

and therein lies the problem/solution

I couldn't take it anymore.
I asked my neurologist to take me off the 150 mgs of Trileptal in the morning and just have me on the 300 at night.
It feels like the fatigue is killing me. I can barely keep my eyes open all day. I'm too foggy to think.
It took a few weeks for the side effect to happen, but that is what I need to do. I knew something was wrong, I knew this was it, that extra morning dose.
My doctor agreed immediately once he understood. I have to see him next month for a follow-up, too, he says.
I'm lucky, he says, lucky it is just fatigue and dizziness that the drug hurts me with.
So I will now only take one pill a day, and it will be better. I was never this fatigued with the 300 mg alone, never.
Choices. Here are my choices: Continue to endure this constant monstrous, vicious, awful, sickening, aching, painful, staggering daily exhaustion with a double dose; or take the chance that I might have one or two triggered seizures every few weeks or months with a single dose...
I will take the second choice.
I can fight off triggered seizures; I know how to stop them in their tracks.
I'll use meditation and yoga and herbs and mental exercises to supplement the drug, for gods' sakes.
Just... no more. No more. I'm so fucking tired...
I'm so tired I'm crying...
I love my doctor for helping me.