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Finding Ways
Jul. 18th, 2011 08:12 pmToday was A Day. Also, pain. Therapy revealed some intense things I hadn't realized, and I'm squirming and twitching and trying to formulate plans to make it easier. Nothing's easy. But life finds a way.
The psychotherapist got very very concerned at one point, saying that she heard deeper depression in my voice, and she suggested that I talk to my neurologist about doubling the Zoloft. I'm okay with that. I want to feel better. The thing about depression with anxiety for me is that I don't know I'm depressed until someone says something, because I've been too anxious. I take this to heart.
Afterward, I realized the codeine had started wearing off, and I was hurting. I was hurting and hurting and my breaths were short and whimpering. But I told myself I was strong.
To prove myself, maybe test myself, I went out and walked. A lot. I even shopped a little. I stayed well within my set budget. Granted, it was Whole Foods, but I was smart, and I ignored many shiny things. I finally did find my long-sought goji juices. Also, a small round personal cheesecake. I have no idea why they label cheesecake organic. It's pointless. It did have limited, fresh, good ingredients, but it didn't need that buzz word label. But oh, it was mind-numbingly delicious, so I didn't care.
I was in fucking pain. I'd taken codeine in the morning, because the morning was That Fucking Bad. When I came home, I took Soma, because the afternoon was That Fucking Bad. Some of my joints are still complaining. Shut up, joints.
I wonder what my dreams will be like tonight. Last night it was all about vast mansions and supernatural mysteries. The night before it was all about gourmet foods and sparkling restaurants, and I wasn't even hungry. But I did crave chocolate espresso.
Croissants are among my favorite comfort foods. They make fantastic breakfasts when combined with eggs over easy.
I'm watching more Star Trek on Netflix. Is Kirk ripping his shirt a Thing? It happens a lot.
The psychotherapist got very very concerned at one point, saying that she heard deeper depression in my voice, and she suggested that I talk to my neurologist about doubling the Zoloft. I'm okay with that. I want to feel better. The thing about depression with anxiety for me is that I don't know I'm depressed until someone says something, because I've been too anxious. I take this to heart.
Afterward, I realized the codeine had started wearing off, and I was hurting. I was hurting and hurting and my breaths were short and whimpering. But I told myself I was strong.
To prove myself, maybe test myself, I went out and walked. A lot. I even shopped a little. I stayed well within my set budget. Granted, it was Whole Foods, but I was smart, and I ignored many shiny things. I finally did find my long-sought goji juices. Also, a small round personal cheesecake. I have no idea why they label cheesecake organic. It's pointless. It did have limited, fresh, good ingredients, but it didn't need that buzz word label. But oh, it was mind-numbingly delicious, so I didn't care.
I was in fucking pain. I'd taken codeine in the morning, because the morning was That Fucking Bad. When I came home, I took Soma, because the afternoon was That Fucking Bad. Some of my joints are still complaining. Shut up, joints.
I wonder what my dreams will be like tonight. Last night it was all about vast mansions and supernatural mysteries. The night before it was all about gourmet foods and sparkling restaurants, and I wasn't even hungry. But I did crave chocolate espresso.
Croissants are among my favorite comfort foods. They make fantastic breakfasts when combined with eggs over easy.
I'm watching more Star Trek on Netflix. Is Kirk ripping his shirt a Thing? It happens a lot.
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