Discipline

So, it would seem that my 2012 began with intense yet small feelings of anxiety, depression, worry, apprehension, and concern. No solid reasons. Just... there. I did not make resolutions, or goals. I will figure things out as the months go by.

Every time someone tells me that everything will be all right, part of me panics instantly and flips through all possible disastrous scenarios. I've heard "Do not worry, you will be fine" from loved ones who know me inside and out, from highly skilled tarot readers, from professionals who know what they talk about. I believe them. I believe in myself. Perhaps my self needs to start believing in myself as well.

I've been feeling very close to the universe since the winter solstice. I hope it lasts.
As J Michael Straczynski said through Delenn in Babylon 5, we are the universe trying to understand itself. (because the Minbari are awesome like that.)

"We believe that the universe itself is conscious in a way that we can never truly understand. It is engaged in a search for meaning. So it breaks itself apart, investing its own consciousness in every form of life. We are the universe trying to understand itself."
(Season 3, Episode 4, 'Passing Through Gethsemane')

Being Alice: Seriously?

Dear Hippocampus and Amygdala: Quit giving the TLE seizures new ideas. No love, The Rest Of The Body And Also Alice.

It's funny, see. Sometimes I can actually, weirdly, catch my brain starting to trip over itself. I cannot explain, I cannot understand, I usually cannot control. I have no idea. It is like a random movie in the back of my head. I become aware of neurons, of misfires, of strangeness abounding. There is not much I can do. But I can feel it. Craziness. Now my brain sort of itches. It was a simple partial seizure, it only lasted a few seconds, but I felt every part of it. I saw Alicia, my version of Alice (from Wonderland), the character I created to ease me through seizures. She looked extremely puzzled and rather startled. I have no idea.

My hands are typing this and I don't even know what's coming next. This fibro flare is making me twitchy, too.
I think it is time for bed.
I will surely have fascinating dreams!