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Skipping through a field of dandelions...
May. 3rd, 2013 08:42 pmYou know those migraines that last several days and are low-level enough that you can do things but are still horrendous enough that you can barely brain due to pain?
This is compounded by more hemiparesis, more fibromyalgia flaring, more knee pain (both chondromalacia and notarthritisdamnit in the right knee), TMJ, neck tension, and hypertonia in my left hand. Cerebral palsy and its complexities = buckets of fun.
The cats are less stressed than I am. I don't even know why I am stressed. There is no point. I'm not the one moving the house around. I'm not the one repairing and replacing the kitchen. I'm getting exactly what I want with the kitchen/hallway floor, cabinets, stove, dishwasher, etc. Next week is going to be like camping out upstairs and using the living room as a mini kitchen until the handymen are ready to replace the carpet. I keep telling myself it will all be fun and awesome. My amygdala is yelling, "You are a cat! You don't like change! You get anxious when stuff gets moved around, because your neutral chaos is suddenly not where it was and you can't find anything!" and the amygdala has a very good point.
Meditative exercises are in order, and clonazepam, and such.
People on Facebook are still irritating me with the whole "Big Pharma is EVIL and all pharmaceuticals are POISON and also the greatest cure is medical cannabis!" I mean, I can't wait until Maryland allows for medical cannabis to be a Thing, so I can become a patient. However, I am not going to bash traditional Western medicine like that. Lives have been saved. Fuck you, ultra hippie holistic pushers. I wouldn't be alive to listen to your ranting if traditional Big Pharma hadn't been around the NICU in 1979. I'm all about holistic medicine balancing out pharmaceutical medicine. But there is only so much I can take from extremists on either side.
Funny, because one of my favorite current quotes - found on Facebook - is "The is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally." Unfortunately, since we are humans, this is easier said than done. I'm not a robot. I'm also an empath. When I feel insulted and slighted, I do feel the need to at least correct the person. You know, like when someone tells me I am filling my body with Evil Big Pharma's poison, when that poison is the best thing keeping me from falling into a seizure-induced coma or death; or the best thing keeping me from self harm from deep depressions; or the best thing keeping me from endlessly screaming wildly in constant violent crippling agony that I cannot describe. Supplements and therapies can do a great deal, but they cannot do what Evil Big Pharma drugs do for me. So, yeah. I don't mind being in the clutches of Evil if it helps me live my life well.
I try to not take things personally. It does free me from stress. It is easy to smile, nod, and brush off insults like nothing. Sometimes. But, look, we all have those days when everything is piling on us, our moods are dark and growling, we want to bite everyone who looks at us wrong. I don't care if you're a bodhisattva - human emotion runs wild. And that means that if someone keeps trying to push me, I will eventually keep throwing them off a cliff until they get the point.
This is compounded by more hemiparesis, more fibromyalgia flaring, more knee pain (both chondromalacia and notarthritisdamnit in the right knee), TMJ, neck tension, and hypertonia in my left hand. Cerebral palsy and its complexities = buckets of fun.
The cats are less stressed than I am. I don't even know why I am stressed. There is no point. I'm not the one moving the house around. I'm not the one repairing and replacing the kitchen. I'm getting exactly what I want with the kitchen/hallway floor, cabinets, stove, dishwasher, etc. Next week is going to be like camping out upstairs and using the living room as a mini kitchen until the handymen are ready to replace the carpet. I keep telling myself it will all be fun and awesome. My amygdala is yelling, "You are a cat! You don't like change! You get anxious when stuff gets moved around, because your neutral chaos is suddenly not where it was and you can't find anything!" and the amygdala has a very good point.
Meditative exercises are in order, and clonazepam, and such.
People on Facebook are still irritating me with the whole "Big Pharma is EVIL and all pharmaceuticals are POISON and also the greatest cure is medical cannabis!" I mean, I can't wait until Maryland allows for medical cannabis to be a Thing, so I can become a patient. However, I am not going to bash traditional Western medicine like that. Lives have been saved. Fuck you, ultra hippie holistic pushers. I wouldn't be alive to listen to your ranting if traditional Big Pharma hadn't been around the NICU in 1979. I'm all about holistic medicine balancing out pharmaceutical medicine. But there is only so much I can take from extremists on either side.
Funny, because one of my favorite current quotes - found on Facebook - is "The is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally." Unfortunately, since we are humans, this is easier said than done. I'm not a robot. I'm also an empath. When I feel insulted and slighted, I do feel the need to at least correct the person. You know, like when someone tells me I am filling my body with Evil Big Pharma's poison, when that poison is the best thing keeping me from falling into a seizure-induced coma or death; or the best thing keeping me from self harm from deep depressions; or the best thing keeping me from endlessly screaming wildly in constant violent crippling agony that I cannot describe. Supplements and therapies can do a great deal, but they cannot do what Evil Big Pharma drugs do for me. So, yeah. I don't mind being in the clutches of Evil if it helps me live my life well.
I try to not take things personally. It does free me from stress. It is easy to smile, nod, and brush off insults like nothing. Sometimes. But, look, we all have those days when everything is piling on us, our moods are dark and growling, we want to bite everyone who looks at us wrong. I don't care if you're a bodhisattva - human emotion runs wild. And that means that if someone keeps trying to push me, I will eventually keep throwing them off a cliff until they get the point.
