brightlotusmoon: (Snow White Blood Red Light Pale)
Another bizarre, color-based fantastic dream last night.
I was walking through a small town full of colors of all kinds. I had my handbag on me and I wondered if I could practice any magic with my cosmetics. However, the eyeshadows from the previous dream were gone.
An older woman came to me and said, "I know what you need. The powders you were using are limited. But these are not. I give these to you as my gift, freely, with no expectations. They belong to you."
She handed me two eyeshadow cases. I recognized them instantly - I own them in the waking world: Too Faced Exotic Color Eye Shadow Singles in Poison Orchid and Midnight Mist. I frowned and stared at her, realizing that her eyelids were painted with a blend of the two. I asked, "Are these stronger?"
"Oh yes," she said. "They heal and harm, create and destroy. Use your finger or a shadow brush. Wear them blended on your eyelids and you are immune to anyone who tries to use magic in a negative or destructive way. Swipe one on each wrist and your own magic will be increased. Wear them any which way you wish and you will be stronger. There is always power in color. Do you wear the red lipcolors that the Art Goddess gave you?"
I tilted my head. "I don't know. I own many red lip shades."
She smiled. Then you probably do. Do you know the names Provocateur, Hot Mama, Pretty Woman, Ruby Slippers, Stiletto Red, Wild?"
"Oh!" I said. "Oh, yes! Buxom and It Cosmetics and Too Faced and Tarte! I always feel drawn to them. Um, pun intended?"
The woman laughed, and her dark blue eyes glowed. "These eyeshadows are Too Faced and the names are no coincidence in this dimension. You come here very often in your dreams." She peered closer at me, nose to nose. "You are wearing Tarte Maracuja Concealer and It Cosmetics Concealer. One day, you will see the true complete beauty, and you may not use so much."
I smirked. "Are you a psychiatrist?"
"Sort of," she laughed. "Empathic witchcraft has advantages. You use color and cosmetics as both enhancement and costume. That is perfect and good. But you must remember that you, as you, are always beautiful."
I took a very deep breath. "It will take a while."
She reached out and pressed her palms against my cheeks. "You will know. You are loved."
It seemed as though she were about to walk away, but she paused and looked at me again. "The Too Faced Lipstick in Stiletto Red and the Tarte Lipstick in Wild. Use them to draw your personal magical symbols where you need on your body, when you come into this dream dimension again. You will understand why once you walk through our town."
I nodded. "And the Too Faced eyeshadows?"
"Oh, you know how they work!" she laughed. "You could even just open them and point them at the sky when you need to destroy your monsters and horrors. Midnight Amethyst and and Midnight Sapphire are designed to work in moonlight, sunlight, and all elements."
I realized that nothing was enigmatic anymore. I started laughing. Behind me, a gateway opened. I stepped back, waving at my companion. She held out one hand, fingers spread wide, and passed a golden-silver stream of light to my hand. I laughed loudly, and the gateway gently wrapped around me and pulled me through. It took a while for me to wake up. I suppose I could call it dream limbo. Light and shadow, color and negative space, filled with serenity.
I will go back. It is my town, after all.



The makeup in this photo:
Too Faced Exotic Single Eyeshadow in Poison Orchid, Midnight Mist
It Cosmetics Hello Lashes Volume Growth Mascara
It Cosmetics Vitality Lip Butter Gloss in Ruby Slippers
Tarte Maracuja Creaseless Concealer

Front facing smartphone cameras with anti-shake technologies are so freaking awesome for disabled people!
brightlotusmoon: (Snow White Blood Red Dragon Witch)
So, a lot of people have been asking me what beauty products I have been using on my skin lately. Might as well link to it.
These products have, quite literally, every single ingredient I ever wanted. Every. Single. Ingredient. All in one. I kept telling Krista (from Harmony Apotheca, now Etesian Plantaceuticalâ„¢ Skin Care) that it was as if she had read my mind without ever meeting me.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/99942639/sale-41-marshmallow-and-manuka-soothing
http://www.etsy.com/listing/84293185/2in1-manuka-honey-amazonian-body-butter
These are both excellent as anti-inflammatory salves for my joints and muscles and nerve pains and such. The cream smells very fresh, fruity, and floral, extremely clean and invigorating. The butter smells incredibly herbal, like strong sage and deep woods and young trees and a forest after rain.
I have been using these in my beauty routine, day and night, for over two weeks. My skin looks amazing. I am finally, after all these years, starting to feel truly satisfied. My body dysmorphic disorder, which as you know is focused on my skin, is actually slowly starting to back down. I didn't think that could happen.

Also, the most recent photos of my face made up. I like them.


"Snow White Red Riding Hood Dragon Princess Warrior"

harmonycolor1

harmonycolor2

Color Cosmetics - adding war paint and beauty masks since the beginning of existence.

Eyes: Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Mushroom, Hijack, Flash. It Cosmetics Hello Lashes Mascara; Envyderm Growth Volume Mascara
Lips: Buxom Full Bodied Lipstick in Provocateur; Lavera Beautiful Lipstick in Deep Red.
Face: 100 Percent Pure Healthy Skin Full Foundation in Creme; Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation in Shade 2.0.

Moisturizers: Harmony Apotheca 4:1 Marshmallow and Manuka Eczema Relief Cream with Amazonian Butters.
Earth's Own Bath N Body Divine Youth Creme with Coffee Fruit.
Walk In Beauty Sun Protection Lotion with Superfruits.
brightlotusmoon: (Peaceful Dragon Model 2)
Forgot who asked the question, but here's my answer:

My favorite drugstore lipstick is Revlon ColorBurst Lip Butter (Red Velvet and Cherry Tart). Even though it contains hybrid petrolatum, it contains enough moisturizing butters, oils, waxes, and peptides to make it fantastic. My favorite drugstore lipgloss is Sally Hansen MoistureTwist Lipgloss (Cherry Twist and Berry Blend). It contains supreme botanical oils and peptides and is amazing. My other favorite drugstore lipgloss is Physician's Formula Plump Potion (Clear).
As for lip balms, my favorite drugstore lip balms are Mission Skincare Mega Balm Lip Refresher balms (Acai Lemonade, Blueberry Pomegranate) and Blistex Cold & Allergy Lip Soother. If the drugstore offers Badger Balm, I love Poetic Pomegranate, Mocha Cocoa, Red Jasper Tint, Cuticle Care, and After Sun Balm. I would include Burt's Bees acai and mango balms, but the brand is overrated in my eyes.
Something very specific and exclusive to CVS that I use as a lip balm is Nuance Salma Hayek Smoothing Anti-Aging Eye Cream. It smells and tastes very good and feels great on my lips. I love when I can use one product for multiple purposes.

I am also insanely in love with It Cosmetics Vitality Lip Flush products in Pretty Woman, Love Story (lipstick), and In Love (lip butter), which I get from the websites ItCosmetics and Drugstore.

And there is also Buxom Full-Bodied Lipgloss in Hot Mama and Hey Baby which I can get at Sephora. And also BareMinerals Natural Lipstick in Red Zin and Passion Fruit and BareMinerals Amazing Lipcolor in Bravado and Courage.

Also, when I have the money, I like to really splurge on good lip balms. My current favorite splurges are KaplanMD Lip 20 Balm Ultra Hydrating Treatment, and EnvyDerm Intensive Lip Renewal Therapy, which are sold by the website Dermstore. The ingredients are worth it and the balms last forever anyway. 
brightlotusmoon: (Fae Dragon Alien)
Fine, then, 2013. Bring it.

Dear Joanna: Read All The Books. Seriously. They've piled up on the couch in the office.

I accidentally clipped the fingernails on my right hand too much, so the nerve endings have been complaining and throbbing. I've been massaging my hands with healing ointments to help speed up nail growth. So far so good.

The people at AT&T really are wonderful to me. They're giving me an early upgrade for almost nothing. Soon in the mail I shall receive a refurbished Samsung Galaxy S 3 smartphone. I will probably be incapable of making it work by myself, but that is what AT&T retail stores are for. Now to find a way to store my music somewhere so I can transfer it later.

So, yeah, Lavera Beautiful Lips Lipstick in Deep Red 04 combined with It Cosmetics Vitality Lip Flush Lipstick in Pretty Woman is the best lipcolor combination ever. Also, Lavera Natural Liquid Foundation in Porcelain 01 and Lavera Long Lash Mascara are so amazing and moisturizing I could probably fall asleep in them and wake up with healthier skin. Because seabuckthorn oil is amazing.

http://www.naturalhealthyconcepts.com/beautiful-lips-lipstick-deep-red.html
http://www.naturalhealthyconcepts.com/natural-liquid-foundation-porcelain.html
http://www.naturalhealthyconcepts.com/long-lash-mascara-black-lavera.html

Also, CVS now has this brand new prescription rewards deal where they give you CVS money when you refill a certain amount of prescriptions. It's about time, too.
brightlotusmoon: (Fae Dragon Alien)
Let's see. I think I will just pile on things I love here.
Clothes:
New socks. New panties. Tee shirts long and short sleeves. Pillows and cushions with memory foam. Good shoe insoles.
Makeup:
Tarte Maracuja Concealer in Light.
Sephora Perfecting Concealer in Light.
Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation in Shade 2.0.
MAC Studio Sculpt Foundation in NC15; Eyeshadow in Moon Reflection, Silver Ring.
Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Loaded, Psychedelic Sister,
Hijack, Half Baked.
Buxom Eyeliner in Sapphire, Black Jasper, Chocolate Citrine; Full Lip Gloss in Hot Mama.
Bare Minerals Eyeshadow in Frost, Glisten, Flash, Gold Medal, Showstopper, Dream Sequence; Natural Lipstick in Red Zin, Passion Fruit, Italian Ice.
Sally Hansen Moisture Twist Lip Gloss in Cherry Twist, Berry Blend.
Revlon Lip Butter in Red Velvet, Cherry Tart, Raspberry Pie; Age Defying DNA Advantage Foundation in Bare Buff.
CoverGirl Tone Rehab Foundation in Classic Ivory; Simply Ageless Concealer in Light.
It Cosmetics Concealer in Light; Mascara; Lipstick in Pretty Woman, Love Story.

I wouldn't want to look completely like a ghost, after all. And I must conceal all perceived flaws.

*This is certainly not a holiday wish list. I just need to write it down so I can remember it.
brightlotusmoon: (Pixie Model 2)

Since I am in that sort of cheery mood, I am going to list my current favorite lip balms and moisturizing glosses.

http://stores.walk-in-beauty.net/-strse-61/Goddess-Lips-*Improved!*/Detail.bok
http://stores.walk-in-beauty.net/-strse-218/Ginger-dsh-Cinnamon-Lip-Plumper-**/Detail.bok
http://www.wildearthmarket.com/super-fruit-lip-balm-pk00703.html
http://www.beautyhabit.com/product4582.html
http://www.gardenofwisdom.com/catalog/item/6477925/6637733.htm
http://www.badgerbalm.com/p-427-cocoa-butter-lip-balm.aspx
http://www.badgerbalm.com/p-287-after-sun-balm.aspx
http://www.badgerbalm.com/p-379-cuticle-care.aspx
http://www.beeswork.com/products/lip_balm/mandarin_peel.html
http://www.beeswork.com/products/lip_balm/lavender.html
http://www.ebay.com/itm/LIP-BALM-with-Sea-Buckthorn-Oil-5-Tubes-TANGERINE-/290528376892
http://glengarrygardens.myshopify.com/products/organic-lip-balms
http://theskinrevolution.com/_kiss_it.html
http://www.blistex.com/products/cold-a-allergy-lip-soother
http://www.swansonvitamins.com/pangea-organics-lip-balm-italian-red-mandarin-rose-0-25-oz-balm?SourceCode=INTL405&CAWELAID=1385215020&cagpspn=pla&gclid=CM2r78K-rrMCFcRa4Aod8GgA7g
http://www.sephora.com/o-gloss-intuitive-lip-gloss-with-goji-berry-c-complex-P202004?skuId=1057959
http://www.sephora.com/buxom-full-bodied-lip-gloss-P375110?skuId=1437391
http://www.dermstore.com/product_Lip+20+Treatment+Gloss+_27808.htm
http://www.sephora.com/natural-volume-lip-gloss-P261004?skuId=1242296
http://sallyhansen.com/products/lips/lip-color/lip-inflation-extreme
http://sallyhansen.com/products/lips/lip-color/moisture-twist-2-1-primer-color

I imagine you already know that I've never bought all these at once, and that I've used these products over many years,
Also, this list is to help me remember stuff I love, because I need to keep making lists. Also, if I don't have any sort of balm or butter nearby, I wind up chewing my lips and it gets annoying.

brightlotusmoon: (Pixie Model 2)

This cosmetics stuff is for those who like to know these things (and also to distract myself from the storm horrors). Seriously, I've had friends specifically ask if I could post about my makeup. It's awesome.
 
My favorite full coverage concealers are:
ItCosmetics.com Bye Bye Concealer (my shade is Light)
Tarte Maracuja Creaseless Concealer (my shade is Light)
Kat Von D Tattoo Concealer (my shade is Light 18)
Almay Smart Shade Anti Aging Concealer (the red cap; my shade is Light)
CoverGirl Simply Ageless Concealer (my shade is Light 210)
LaurenBrookeConsmetiques.com Creme Concealer or Foundation (my respective shades are Warm Light and Warm 2)
CoryCosmetics.com Cream To Powder Concealers (my shade is Light Flesh) as well as Velvet Cream Foundation (my shade is Whipped Cream).

Now, all these concealers offer intense coverage to the point that they look almost like stage or film makeup, meaning that sometimes I wonder if my own face was Photoshopped to erase every single flaw and pore. I have found larger tubes of the It Cosmetics and Tarte on Ebay, which is worth the money. I would also like to add that MAC Studio Sculpt Foundation (I'm NC 15) and Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation (I'm Shade 2.0) are also the most full coverage foundations I have ever used.
Every single product I've mentioned has skin caring, skin smoothing, and skin beneficial ingredients, with no petroleum or mineral oil. I hate using petroleum on my face because it caused problems (although if it's in a lipstick with lots of botanical oils and butters I don't mind, since lip flesh has no pores).

Now, my favorite lipcolors:
Revlon Lip Butter Lipstick in Red Velvet and Cherry Tart
Sally Hansen Moisture Twist Lipgloss in Cherry Twist and Berry Blend
It Cosmetics Vitality Lip Flush Lipstick in Pretty Woman and Love Story
Bare Escentuals BareMinerals Natural Lipstick in Red Zin, Italian Ice, and Passion Fruit
BareEscentuals Buxom Full Bodied Lipgloss in Va Va Voom, Hot Mama, and Hey Baby
Tarte Glamazon 12-Hour Lipstick in Wild
Tarte LipSurgence Lip Tint in Lust
Aveda Nourish and Uruku Lipstick in Cherrybud and Maracuja
BeingTrue Pure Lipstick in Temptress and Chanteuse
Studio Gear Lipstick in Super Star and Pink Quartz
The Body Shop Love Gloss Lipgloss in Raspberry

Most of these lipcolors are natural or at least have botanical oils and butters. The ones from Revlon and Studio Gear also have some petroleum, but I'm okay with that. I prefer lipcolors that help hydrate, plump, nourish, and smooth my lips. I'm not even going to list the dozens of lip balms I own.

brightlotusmoon: (Pixie Model 2)
I feel so weird wearing opaque neutral pure pink lipstick. I'm so used to rich, dark, deep, neutral to warm reds with undertones of pink and rose and berry and brown. You know, like blood, or fake blood used in vampire films (I own shades called Fire Down Below, Shanghai Express, Flamenco, Stiletto Red, Super Star, Hot Mama, Va Va Voom, Italian Ice, Red Zin, Temptress, Chanteuse, Pretty Woman, Cherry Twist).
Well, daring is as daring does, right?
http://www.truelynatural.com/pure-color-solid-p-430.html (Duchess)
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Being-TRUE-Pure-Lip-Color-Lipstick-DUCHESS-Neutral-Pink-New-in-Box-/370637332788?pt=US_Makeup_Lips&hash=item564bb4e134
brightlotusmoon: (Pixie Model 3)
I have a spear, a sword, and a hammer. Anything or anyone planning to fuck with me shall be met with brutal and stabby force.

Seriously, though. I know I am severely depressed and anxious and in so much pain and so exhausted by it all. And various support systems are trying to nudge me toward issues that bother them, which I would love to deal with later, just not now, or tomorrow, or next week. In conclusion: I don't care.

And so, until this heavy darkness lifts entirely, I will keep doing what I have been doing for my health. And everyone who keeps repeating all those treatments over and over will be met with the classic "Yes" answer. "Yes, I know. Yes, I am working on it. Yes, I am doing that. Yes, I will do that. Yes, I will see if that helps. Yes, I am hearing you. Yes, I understand you. Yes, we are beating a dead horse. Yes, I am doing everything I possibly can to heal and get better even though it takes time. Yes, my life is not your life. Yes, I know you care for me. Yes, I am taking care of myself. Yes, I know you don't believe me. Yes, I am being completely honest because like I said, these things take time. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Good. We will talk later. Yes. Okay. Later."

For me, there is a difference between "I want to help you, even if I can only stand with you and hold your hand either physically or mentally" and "I want to help you, so here is everything you need to do, because I want you to do all these things so I feel better so I can stop worrying about you."

In other news, I painted my nails earlier with Sally Hansen Nailgrowth Miracle Nail Polish in Loyal Lavender. A pearlescent shiny pastel pink lavender, essentially English Lavender with soft purple iridescence. It seems to go well with my coloring.
http://api.photoshop.com/v1.0/accounts/48ff298f257a429894632ebafd1844ad/assets/ce6d2ec1cd6a49cbb133116455b3f08f
https://s3.amazonaws.com/luuux-original-files/bookmarklet_uploaded/sallyHansen.jpg
Also, it makes me instantly smile when I look at my fingernails, because the color brightens everything. I need to be brightened anyway.

Later, I switched to a different polish. I've been feeling so creepily Dragon-ish today that I applied Revlon Top Speed Fast Dry Nail Enamel in Ocean, a deep teal with green foil iridescence. It looks like dragon scales. It makes me happy and also fierce as fuck. Plus, the Top Speed products are healthy for nails. Keratin, Silk, Silica, Minerals, Gem Powders.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kKkz_H_NR_M/T19yySc9ZeI/AAAAAAAAEVA/1vBEW8dBW44/s1600/003-1.JPG
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oHMe06Levu8/TWZ88KHEzMI/AAAAAAAACX0/eN6O4AxYSVg/s1600/RevlonOcean.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MzVUHpoEOHU/TlZ1aU7lTsI/AAAAAAAABsI/WlOs4dumX9M/s1600/008.JPG

When it comes to concealing my facial skin - like full war paint - I always choose full coverage: Lauren Brooke Creme Foundation and Creme Concealer, It Cosmetics Concealer, MAC Studio Sculpt Foundation, Physician's Formula Conceal Rx and Circle Rx, Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation, NYX HD Studio Foundation, Korres Quercetin Concealer, Revlon DNA Advantage Foundation, CoverGirl Tone Rehab Foundation, CoverBlend Concealer, Too Faced Flawless Concealer.

On my warrior lips I alternate between four triumphant red lipsticks: Nars Semi-Matte in Fire Down Below, a deep true blood red; Being True Pure LipColor in Temptress, a dark deep bloody red; Too Faced Lip Creme in Stiletto Red, a deep neutral blood red; Revlon Lip Butter in Red Velvet, a silky rich blood red. Bloody, exotic, attractive, intense, powerful, sensual. I always love things in fours. No matter which color I wear, I instantly feel like a great warrior goddess, even if it is only in my mind.
http://www.narscosmetics.com/color/lips/lipstick/semi-matte-lipstick/fire-down-below
http://www.dermstore.com/product.php?prod_id=24194
http://www.dermstore.com/product.php?prod_id=42764
http://nouveaucheap.blogspot.com/2011/10/review-revlon-colorburst-lip-butter-in.html
My staple red is It Cosmetics Vitality Lip Flush in Pretty Woman, but as it is sheer and flushed, I use it every day no matter how I feel.
http://www.beauty.com/it-cosmetics-vitality-lip-flush-4-in-1-natural-anti-aging-lipstick-stain-pretty-woman/qxp387445?catid=12884

A brightened face, a wide mouth stained with psychic blood, a scream ripped from a chronically ill body, and I refuse to back down.
*warrior yell*
*spears raised*
brightlotusmoon: (Pixie Model 5)
It seems that the names of all my favorite lipcolors seem to fit me in some way:

Bare Minerals: Italian Ice, Passion Fruit, Red Zin, Courage
It Cosmetics: Pretty Woman, Love Story
Revlon: Red Velvet, Cherry Tart
Sally Hansen: Cherry Twist, Berry Blend
Nars: Shanghai Express, Flamenco, Fire Down Below
Too Faced: Stiletto Red, I Want Candy
Aveda: Cherrybud, Maracuja, Ginger Lily
Salma Hayek Nuance: Passion Pink, Paprika

(Also, that list is mostly to remind myself of what lip products I own and regularly use.)
brightlotusmoon: (Pixie Model 1)
It seems that the names of all my favorite lipcolors seem to fit me in some way:

Bare Minerals's Italian Ice, Passion Fruit, Red Zin, Courage
It Cosmetics's Pretty Woman, Love Story
Revlon's Red Velvet, Cherry Tart
Sally Hansen's Cherry Twist, Berry Blend
Nars's Shanghai Express, Flamenco, Fire Down Below
Too Faced's Stiletto Red, I Want Candy
Aveda's Cherrybud, Maracuja, Ginger Lily
Salma Hayek Nuance's Passion Pink

(Also, that list is mostly to remind myself of what lip products I use regularly use.)
brightlotusmoon: (Default)
I painted another polish on my nails, over that other dark purple. Kure Bazaar Nail Lacquer in Catwalk: A metallic, electric eggplant.
When they called it a metallic, electric eggplant color, they were not kidding. So very shiny.
The description is fascinating.
"Kure Bazaar is the first nail lacquer of the next generation to combine the ethics of an Eco-natural formula with vibrant colors of fashion. A technological innovation after years of research, has led to dramatically reducing the use of petro-chemicals without compromise. Impeccable resistance, ultrashine & quick-dry. Formula up to 85% of natural origin based on wood pulp, wheat, cotton, potatoes and corn."
Weird, but awesome.

I really am loving purple shades lately. I used to love only blue shades, particularly cobalt. But now, when I see deep dark translucent violet glass, I start gibbering. Most of my eyeshadows (Urban Decay mostly) are various kinds of purple. I do refuse to wear purple toned lipstick since it makes me look dead, preferring reds, berries, and pinks, with brown undertones. I love purple shirts and socks and panties. People tell me that my aura is full of purple and some blue and some gold, which is sweet. My favorite purple gemstone is lepidolite, while my favorite blue stone is a tie between kyanite and lapis lazuli.
I already have a pyrope garnet ring on my right index finger and a light blue kyantine ring on my left index finger.
The garnet color reminds me of my favorite dark red lipsticks (It Cosmetic' Vitality Pretty Woman, Revlon Lip Butter Red Velvet, Sally Hansen MoistureTwist lipgloss Cherry Twist, Nars Flamenco and Shanghai Expres, BareMinerals Natural Red Zin, Julie Hewett Oona Noir). The kyanite color reminds me of my favorite pale blue eyeshadows (MAC Moon's Reflection and Tilt, BareMineral's High Shine Vapor, Lauren Brooke's Twilight Sparkle powder and Sky creme)... as well as my husband's eyes.
Speaking of that, I want this lepidolite lapis ring for Yule. Size 5. Someone make a note.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/73571808/lepidolite-lapis-lazuli-sterling-silver

Still depressed. Still fatigued. Still full of pain and spasticity. Whatever. It will happen, and then it will fade. I will ride it out and know that I will be all right.
brightlotusmoon: (Default)
Oh my gods, is it that ridiculous "Invisible Illness Awareness Week" again?
I'm too drained to say anything smart about it. I'll just repeat what other disabled friends have said: Advocate every day. Be aware every day. Just like every other "Thing Awareness Week."
I really do understand why many people really love "Thing Awareness Week" because it brings so much attention to a cause and it helps so many people understand and it helps all the people affected by Thing to be understood and treated like people and treated well.
But the point is to live Thing Awareness every day. Now that people know about Thing To Be Aware Of, they should keep doing it. I hope that is happening. There are many many Things to be aware of. I guess, then, that is why there are Thing Awareness Weeks to begin with. Because there are so many Things that people forget or discriminate or something.
I am disabled. I have Invisible illnesses. I also have Visible Illnesses. I am a cripple. Every single day. Hi.
I have more thoughts, but they are mostly whargarbl and shmoo and guh. I should let other people with more words speak.

I am so very tired. I need sleep now. Because of Thing.

Be Aware. That is the thing.
We are not going anywhere. We are still here. We only look hidden.
Be Aware.













(All photos were taken by me, with an LG Phoenix smartphone camera. They came out better than I'd expected. Makeup applied by me all from It Cosmetics: Bye Bye Concealer in Light. Vitality Lip Flush in Love Story. Vitality Lip Flush in Pretty Woman. Eye Shadow Trio in Pretty In Plum. Eye Shadow Trio in Pretty In Smoke. Hello Lashes Mascara in Black. https://www.itcosmetics.com)
brightlotusmoon: (Default)
You guys, I bought nail polish color. And I applied it. Myself. This has not happened in over a decade. This is a big deal, I think.
I bought Sally Hansen Diamond Strength Nail Color in Together Forever, which seems to be a shifting, translucent, pastel, shimmering lavender blush champagne pink seashell kind of shade. (translation: I have no idea what the hell the color actually is; the website showed it as lavender and the bottle was pink seashell. o_O.)
Since my hands tremble, my nails look like they were painted by the ghost of Jackson Pollock. But whatever. The reason I bought nail color was to stop my OCD habit of tearing up my cuticles and also to help train my hand muscles to be steadier because of the spastic ataxic cerebral palsy issues. (woo, brain damage.)
So anyway, I like this brand and product because there is almost no smell, the stuff dries quickly, and the ingredient list includes vitamins, keratin, silica, diamond powder, and platinum powder. Whatever, it was two dollars and it's shiny.
I used to hate anything on my nails; I was very feline. But since my most recent manicure, I realized that having nailcolor might actually benefit me. I just need to learn tips and tricks. Also, SHINY.

Also? My current most-loved eyeshadows are:
Urban Decay in Psychedelic Sister, Loaded, Evidence, Gunmetal, S&M, AC/DC.
Too Faced Exotic in Midnight Mist, Poison Orchid, Firefly, Petals To The Medal.
MAC in Contrast, Tilt, Moon's Reflection.
BareMineral High Shine in Meteorite, Glisten, Moonstone, Frost, Gold Medal, Flash, Vapor.
Maybelline Color Pearls in Persuasive Plum, Silver Spark, Downtown Denim, Navy Narcissist.
I have no idea why I wrote all that, but I guess it is because I want to remember.
brightlotusmoon: (Default)
For me, my confidence always lifts so high with the little things.
The pomegranate red and the raspberry pink. Always.
http://beautyinfozone.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/it-cosmetics-pretty-woman-lipstick.jpg
http://beautyinfozone.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/it-cosmetics-love-story-lipstick.jpg
http://beautyinfozone.com/beauty/it-cosmetics-vitality-lip-flush-anti-aging-lip-stain-review/

The pomegranate and the raspberry are prominent and powerful in mythology and legend.
Both the pomegranate and the red raspberry contain ellagic acid and are able to filter UVA and UVB rays, making them excellent additions to sunscreen products. They both contain extremely high amounts of various nutrients, amino acids, and skin-healing nourishers. They both help guard against inflammation and some types of cancer. Their bright colors indicate their intense antioxidant abilities.

I am proud and happy to finally have found my favorite red and pink lipcolors, especially products that contain my favorite nourishing, hydrating, plumping, moisturizing, staining, and healing ingredients. I no longer need to search.
(Revlon Lip Butter Lipstick in Red Velvet and Cherry Tart come in second, while Too Faced Lip Creme Lipstick in Stiletto Red and I Want Candy come in third.)

In my current profile photo, I am wearing a blend of Love Story and Pretty Woman, affected by lighting and webcam angles. I will always feel strong with this lipstick, no matter what.
brightlotusmoon: (Default)
I am making my "Fuck a bunch of this, I'm curling up on the couch and performing standard cerebral palsy physical therapy until my body starts working as properly as this body can again..." facial expression.
I did my very best to organize the bathroom and bedroom and to clean up the living room and kitchen - which, for able-bodied people who judge what I do, means I probably barely did anything to make any visible difference, because I tend to fuck everything up, since all my perceptions are screwy. But that just means I need to take more time, more effort, and more energy. I am a horrible housewife and I know it. But I really want to do my best, even if my best means next to nothing.
Why yes, I am in a depressive state and honestly believe I am useless right now. Yay me.
And now I am burning all over and also fading all over and also spasming with tremors all over. Doing things is hard. And so, it is time to rest and see what simple things I can prepare for dinner. Perhaps a salad.

Why is it that red toned lipstick seems to help boost confidence, beauty, self appeal, and self esteem? I may be in a depressive state in which I feel useless, pointless, fucked up, and stupid, but I just applied a few swipes of Pretty Woman by It Cosmetics (deep dark cherry cocoa red) and I feel very slightly better about myself. Or maybe my give a fuck switch got turned off. Or maybe it is all an illusion, and as long as I keep it up, I will eventually climb out of the depression. In any case, red lipstick helps. (also pink and berry, but mainly dark red with pink, berry, and brown tones. Pretty Woman is my favorite for lots of reasons.)
Never mind. This is just a nonsense ramble at this point. Sorry.


https://www.itcosmetics.com/node/628

http://olfactoria.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/cherries.jpg

Also, I love cherries.
brightlotusmoon: (Default)
I'm sure I've mentioned how much I love smelling like chocolate, coffee, coconut, rum, honey, amber, patchouli, and Inspiration.
http://theskinrevolution.com/_iiitawk.html

There is a shadow of depression, but it is very slowly fading, and so I feel better. Except my everything is sore, including my throat and my head. Damn rhinitis. I am still very determined to get as much exercise as my body will allow.

I forgot how beautiful my eyes look with shimmery silver blue steel shadows; Gray Opal and Twilight Sparkle are such perfect names.
http://www.laurenbrookecosmetiques.com/powder-eye-colours/
brightlotusmoon: (Default)
So, I am wearing Urban Decay Eyeshadow in "Bender," which is "forest green metallic with gold micro glitter." Along with "Loaded," which is "deep metallic emerald," "Bender" is the only green shadow I can wear without looking ill. Both shades compliment my coffee eyes, ivory skin, and chocolate hair beautifully. But I have a bone to pick regarding "Bender." It should be metallic steel grey with silver micro glitter, perhaps Foghat Gray. Then again, I doubt the staff at Urban Decay knows about Futurama.

(Also, I know people in the writing world are tired and irritated by the use of food colors to describe skin, eyes, and hair - but I really think it is one of the best ways to make a character's appearance stand out. For example, ivory is off-white with a slight yellow undertone, which describes my fair complexion, which is Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation Shade 2.0 and MAC NC15. Coffee is a deep soft brown with varied highlights, as is chocolate. I love hearing that kind of description for characters.)
brightlotusmoon: (Default)
Every time I see my dentist, we share a laugh because we know the x-rays and cleanings will show that everything is perfect. Today was perfect again, save for a single stained molar that may eventually probably lead to a tiny cavity. I can take care of that easily. Adam got his first implant finally finished, too. Small incremental payments will take a long time, but at least he has a tooth instead of not a tooth.
Afterward, we killed time at Walmart until I could eat. I bought several packs of panties, socks, pajama pants, and body care products at half the price of CVS. We went home, made egg and goat cheese bagels for breakfast, vacuumed and moved the living room rugs around, then both took Ultram for various stupid pains. Adam stayed to play PS3, while I went upstairs to play with cosmetics.

Turquoise gold eyeshadow really does look good on me. I keep forgetting how amazing Urban Decay shadows are (I'm wearing Shattered, and I also have S&M, Bust, and Loaded). I want to get the Bender shadow (metallic forest green with gold shimmer) mostly because of the name, but the color is gorgeous. Also, the Naked Skin Foundation feels like real skin care with all the peptides. And the Supercurl eyeshadow has Moringa oil and Shea Butter and actually curls. I completed the look with IT Cosmetics Lip Flush in Pretty Woman layered over Lauren Brook Lip Colour in Rouge, and it looks fabulous. I can't wait to try their mascara.
Also, I have finally learned how to wear plastic toothed headbands without pain. It appears that Scunci Effortless Beauty Skinny Plastic Headbands 4-pack won't dig into my skull, and they're shiny and durable, so yay. I am wearing the silvery black band.
Also, I need to get my eyebrows waxed by either Linda at Clippers Salon or Katie at Karen's Salon. It's around that time of growth. At least my hair matches my brows so it's less obvious. I don't like having thick eyebrows since mine grow in asymmetrically.
I do think I look pretty, though.

brightlotusmoon: (Default)
For some reason there is no Facebook link, so I'll just post it. These products have amazed me. I'm quite thrilled.
https://www.itcosmetics.com/node/611 (Heavy Duty Concealer)
https://www.itcosmetics.com/node/628 (Lipstick Stain Gloss)

Other makeups I've been using:

http://www.laurenbrookecosmetiques.com/creme-concealer/
http://www.laurenbrookecosmetiques.com/creme_foundation/
http://www.laurenbrookecosmetiques.com/lip-colours/
http://www.laurenbrookecosmetiques.com/powder-eye-colours/
http://www.bareescentuals.com/New-High-Shine-Eyecolors/USmasterhighshine,default,pd.html?start=6&cgid=BM_SUB_COLOR
http://www.bareescentuals.com/READY-Eyeshadow-2.0/USmasterreadyduo,default,pd.html?start=1&cgid=BM_SUB_COLOR
http://www.bareescentuals.com/100%25-Natural-Lipcolor---Berry-Glace/USMaster100%25NaturalLipcolor,default,pd.html?start=2&cgid=BM_SUB_LIPCOLOR
http://www.urbandecay.com/naked-skin-liquid-makeup-from-urban-decay/334,default,pd.html?start=2&cgid=4
http://www.urbandecay.com/new-urban-decay-eyeshadows/328,default,pd.html?start=2&cgid=1_502
http://www.narscosmetics.com/color/lips/lipstick/
http://www.narscosmetics.com/color/eyes/eyeshadow/
http://www.maccosmetics.com/product/shaded/154/363/Products/Eyes/Shadow/Eye-Shadow/index.tmpl
http://www.maccosmetics.com/product/shaded/158/4386/Products/Face/Foundation/Studio-Sculpt-SPF-15-Foundation/index.tmpl
https://www.toofaced.com/p-423-absolutely-flawless-flexible-coverage-concealer.aspx?
https://www.toofaced.com/p-462-exotic-color-intense-eye-shadow-singles.aspx
http://www.coverfx.com/US/Camouflage-Concealer-P9C3.aspx
http://www.anastasia.net/illumin8-eye-shadow-duo.html
http://www.physiciansformula.com/en-us/product-line/shimmer-strips.html
http://www.covergirl.com/tonerehab
http://www.maybelline.com/Products/Eye-Makeup/Eye-Shadow/Eye-Studio-Color-Pearls-Marbleized-Eyeshadow.aspx
http://sallyhansen.com/products/lips/lip-color/moisture-twist-2-1-primer-color

I know it seems like a pricey fuck ton, but these were obtained with discounts, coupons, and promo codes, and I bought them all at different times, and they last a very long time. Questions are always welcome.

Also, because of that mild BDD and OCD, I have gotten so used to wearing concealer or heavy coverage foundation so often that I feel very strange and creepy without it. Thankfully, a photo I posted on Facebook received enough honest positive supportive comments to help me feel much less insecure.

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