The Return To Innocence

I wear a dark green Russian Amazonite ring on my spastic hemiplegic left hand to represent cerebral palsy. I wear a purple charoite ring on my right hand to represent fibromyalgia. I wear purple lepidolite bracelets, blue kyanite bracelet, labradorite bracelet, fluorite bracelet, purple charoite clear quartz pentacle pendant, to represent all of my awesome disabilities of which I am proud.
Because I can. Because colorful gems are cool.

*Obvious Disclaimer Is Obvious*
Just because I have purely personal anecdotal experience that crystals and stones have healing powers does not mean that crystals and stones will work for anyone, and it does not mean that other people would have the same experiences. I am fine with being mocked, belittled, and teased.

http://www.crystalhealingforwomen.com/amazonite.html
http://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/charoite
http://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/labradorite
http://www.zoultier.com/gem-historical-metaphysic-zoultier/lepidolite-historical-metaphysical-healing-properties
http://www.controverscial.com/Flourite.htm

"Lepidolite is a type of mica, it is shy and created of many layers of hexagonal plates. It occurs in sparkling masses around pink tourmaline crystals. Due to it's cleavage, as with most mica, Lepidolite is rarely faceted. It is rich in lithium, which is what lends it's beautiful color. Lepidolite cracks and breaks easily.
Placed on the body, Lepidolite is used to locate the site of the body's disease; vibrating gently to indicate the source.
Lepidolite will:
strengthen the immune system, restructures DNA, enhances the generation of negative ions;
relieve allergies, exhaustion, epilepsy and Alzheimer's;
detoxify for the skin and connective tissue;
assist in an excellent stone for menopause, especially as an elixir;
be laid directly on painful parts of the body, it helps with nerve pain, sciatica, neuralgia and joint problems;
be known as a powerful pain remover, it can also reduce the ill-effects of anesthetic and dependency on medications, alcohol, tobacco or food; and
also told to provide a wonderful shield against the effects of modern pollutions.
Lepidolite is:
a stone of calm, trust, and acceptance;
extremely useful in the reduction of depression as well as stress;
used to halt obsessive thoughts, and relieves despondency, as well as overcomes insomnia; and
supportive in releasing one from addictions and complains of all kinds, including anorexia;
known to clear out all of the redundant messages and voices form the past that hold us back from happiness and/or success;
an aid in attracting supportive friends and colleagues, as well as bring opportunities to succeed; and
will help any and all living in unavoidably stressful experiences (such as city dwellers) to maintain a calm, and serene center.
Due to its calming properties and its often vividly purple color, Lepidolite can be used in rituals or carried to promote spirituality. It is a mineral carried to attract good luck, it also drives off negativity, although it's protective properties are not extremely strong. To promote a restful nights sleep free of nightmares, place Lepidolite near the headboard of the bed.
Called a 'stone of transformation" Lepidolite releases and reorganises old psychological and behavioral patterns, thus inducing change.
Stay Healthy!"

"Fluorite is highly protective and is a beneficial crystal to help guard one from picking up negativity or negative energies from those nearby. It cleanses and stabilizes the aura and is extremely effective against computer and electromagnetic stress. Spiritually, Fluorite grounds and integrates spiritual energies. It heightens intuitive powers and makes one more aware of higher spiritual realities. Psychologically, Fluorite dissolves fixed patterns of behavior and opens the door to the subconscious, bringing suppressed feelings to the surface for resolution. Dissolving fixed ideas, it helps one to see the bigger picture. This crystal dissolves illusions and reveals the truth. It can be very helpful when one needs to act impartially and objectively. Fluorite increases self-confidence, improves physical and mental coordination and counteracts mental disorders. This crystal is an excellent learning aid, increasing concentration. It helps one to absorb new information and promotes quick thinking.
Emotionally, Fluorite is stabilizing and helps one to understand the effect of the mind and emotions on the body. In relationships, it teaches the importance of balance. In healing, Fluorite is a powerful healing tool, drawing off negative energies and stress of all kinds. It cleanses, purifies and dispels anything within the body that is not in perfect order. Fluorite helps with infections and benefits teeth, cells and bones. It repairs DNA damage and is powerful against viruses. Fluorite is beneficial for colds, the flu and sinusitis. This stone alleviates arthritis, rheumatism and spinal injuries. Stroked across the body towards the heart, it provides pain relief. Fluorite rekindles sexual libido.
Fluorite is one of the healing crystals that everyone MUST have. I literally use it every day in a protective grid at my computer desk, to guard against excess electromagnetic radiation, to keep my work flow and focus in harmony and to heighten my intuitive gifts. It guards against negativity and unwanted outside influences, psychic manipulation (think the media) and stress of all types. One simply cannot overuse Fluorite or even have too much of it! On the physical level, it is a strong healer for almost everything, but especially bones, joints and teeth; surgery, injuries like bruises and cuts; colds, flu, viruses; pain relief; heals the skin including shingles; as well as disorders in the stomach and intestines. Position the Fluorite over the affected area - you can even tape it or bandage it to an area that has a cast or stitches where it can work 24/7. Mentally Fluorite is a strong intellectual and learning crystal, It is extremely organizing for the mind and can be used in cases of ADD and ADHD where the brain is "mis-wired." It is a good crystal to use in order to coordinate the body and mind together. Emotionally it is stabilzing and helps balance mind and emotions. Fluorite heightens mental abilities, assisting in rapid organization and processing of information and can bring mental clarity and stability to an otherwise chaotic situation.
Due to its powerful ability to absorb negative energies, Fluorite should be cleared often."

Body is very slowly getting better. Adam put a game hen in the deep fryer, I made herb rice, and I ate salad greens. My stomach finally began registering fullness.

Adam wondered if both the fibromyalgia and the fibromyalgia medications are having this effect on the nerves in my stomach; he fully understands now that I tend to vacillate between being unable to eat much and being unable to feel full despite eating plenty. He actually knows more about how the digestive system and nervous system work in tandem than I do, so I'm taking his suggestions to heart. He approved of the Ensure and since he has tomorrow off he suggested cooking tantalizing meals together.

I came for the love, I stayed for the food. When Adam was a teen, he was given a half scholarship to the Culinary Institute of the Arts, but it was still too expensive, so he just cooked amazing foods for family and friends. He's been doing such since his preteen years, when his mother was hospitalized for three months with pleurisy and he was forced to learn to cook to prevent three months of hot dogs with his father. When I first became anorexic, it was Adam's chef powers that saved me from hospitalization and feeding tubes. Oh, the man can cook.

A migraine is beginning to happen, again triggering nausea and sinus pain and muscle spasms inside my body, which is such an insane sensation. I am unhappy. I shall be receiving a skull massage from Adam, who also knows Shiatsu, Reiki, psychic touch... I did mention that randomly, probably. Yes yes, I love and adore and cherish him, etc, he is as a demigod to me.

Time for medical meditation with amber and lepidolite and charoite and kyanite and tourmaline. This is what the bracelets and rings are for. Connecting to Gaia, the cosmic consciousness, and healing deities like Apollo always seems to help, even just a little. I cherish the sensations of chakras opening and aligning, of energies moving, of my quantum psychic consciousness activating.

Say what you will about the metaphysics of gemstones. They are quantum for me and they are soothing and they are fun to play with.

Some people have been asking me why I wear so many specific bracelets in varied order. It isn't because the stones are beautiful, though they are. It is for neuromuscular and sensory processing balance. See, since my left arm, affected by spastic ataxic cerebral palsy, often feels ghost-like, I wear multiple gemstone stretch bracelets to give weight to that arm, so I can feel that weight, look at my arm, and think, Oooh, pretty stones, and oh, right, I should use this arm. Raw amber, charoite, lepidolite, kyanite, tourmaline.
On my right wrist, the balancing act is more of a counterweight. The raw amber, polished amber, fluorite, and lepidolite help me concentrate on my total physicality. I am inside my mind too much. My body needs me just as much, even more.
It is the same reason I wear gemstone rings: charoite, lepidolite, seraphinite, kyanite - the gemstones that work best for me, alongside amber resin. On my left hand are my green gold wedding ring and my inherited yellow gold band. On my right hand is my heirloom engagement ring. I need balance, once again. So I wear a ring on my left index finger and two rings on my right middle finger. Balance is vital for me with my particular set of neurological damages. It helps that all these stones have metaphysical properties that work perfectly for me.









I do wish my left hand would not tremble so badly, even when propped against a surface. But that is what I live with and I respect it while I seek to improve and strengthen it.

Neat.
(laboradite, lepidolite, charoite, kyanite, amber, lapis lazuli, all the stones that love me.)
http://www.crystalvaults.com/pages/crystal_encyclopedia/labradorite.php
http://www.crystalvaults.com/Natural-Crystals/Medium-Natural-Crystals/110724/
http://www.crystalvaults.com/Shaped-Minerals-and-Crystals/Cabochons/090371/
http://www.crystalvaults.com/Shaped-Minerals-and-Crystals/Wands/880097/
http://www.crystalvaults.com/Jewelry/Pendants/100594/
http://www.crystalvaults.com/Shaped-Minerals-and-Crystals/Cabochons/070395/

Smokey quartz, Serpentine, and Tourmaline have been having strong effects lately, as well.

Pretty rocks are pretty.
Metaphysical properties are subjective, except when they're not, but I don't care, because pretty rocks are pretty.

I took the Ultram. I took the Soma. I too the Klonopin. I stretched and exercised and meditated. Obviously this is not a day for healing anything. Obviously this is a day for more post seizure insanity, massive pain flares, stiff joints, and depression.

And to that I say, Meh. Whatever. Life will happen as life happens. I will ride the waves and be optimistic and idealistic.
Disappointment will happen but that doesn't mean I have to let it lead me.
Just because things don't meet my expectations doesn't mean I should whine or make faces. Just because plans change abruptly doesn't mean I should frown and mutter and think people dislike me. Just because things don't work out doesn't mean I should stomp my feet and decide life is awful. Life is wonderful. Friends are wonderful. Just go with it.
My favorite words for a while will be Ohm and Namaste.
The biggest things that matter are that I take care of myself, that I do my best to help my loved ones, that I don't get angry unless it is the proper cleansing sort of anger, that I leave the past in the past, that I love people, that I love the world... that I am my little bit of the universe and the multiverse.
I am currently wearing my amazing custom ring with kyanite and lepidolite and charoite, my other ring with charoite and lapis lazuli, my citrine bracelet, my amber pentacle ouroborous pendant, and my open design pentacle ring. I feel secure, protected, warm, loved, guided, empowered. That matters more than anything right now.

It turns out that I love Bombay Sapphire gin paired with fruit juice. Like, really love it. It smells like spiced rubbing alcohol, but somehow I love it.
Well, then.
I mean, there is no way ever I could drink a lot of it because the cerebral palsy already makes me weird and off balance.
But I suppose the next time I go to a bar, that would be my drink. Bombay Sapphire with cranberry or pomegranate juice. Is that already a named drink? I don't know these things.
All I know is that right now I'm drinking that gin with the juice from canned peaches and it is lovely. And it helps clear up my sore throat.

I keep having dreams in which I am followed by butterflies made from lepidolite, purple tourmaline, kyanite, and lapis lazuli. I run through a wide, shallow, muddy field of pink and purple lotus flowers. I never get anywhere, and gradually the mud slows me down as it flows around my ankles. I feel peaceful and satisfied. I have complete faith that everything will be fine. In my hand appears a rough wand of cognac amber. I clutch it and it glows brighter and brighter. Some of the butterflies are in front of me while others stay behind me, always guiding me... somewhere. The only thing I see is sunset and the amber glow in my hand. In my other hand is a beaded bracelet of citrine. It makes me laugh and laugh. I start dancing, and the flowers and butterflies whirl along. But I never reach any destination, and the gentle mud seeps into my skin, infused with lotus oils, soothing the worst of my pains. I keep laughing; I cannot stop laughing. Abruptly, I spin and fall backwards into mud and flowers, shouting joy, and colors of every taste and sound fall around me. I cry as I laugh and I am filled with both pain and peace until I don't feel my body. I become part of it all, and I feel nothing, I feel everything, I feel ME.
I am the universe and the universe is me.

It could be the gin and the painkillers, who knows...

Showing off the new set of talisman pendants. Not actually new, just new in how they were placed on the chains.

There is the silver ouroborous amber pentacle on the silver chain. On the gold chain is a wrapped blend of selenite, kyanite, and black tourmaline secured in pink copper with a spiral infinity design. On the same chain, I added the silver lotus blossom pendant, the blue topaz, and a tiny dark green tourmaline.
Everything was handmade and customized. The blue topaz was a gift from my husband. Each piece has its own personal story connected to my life and magic practices.
I feel pleasantly powerful and intimately intense. Eclectic pagan witch or not, I honestly do feel energy in these specific stones and minerals.

I am writing this revealing post because my Psychic Quantum Consciousness smacked me with Get Well (apply directly to the forehead) and I am finally feeling human. Ish?

My nap refreshed me slightly. So did pain drugs and herbs.
Then I decided to paint my nails twice over: first with Sally Hansen Nailgrowth Polish in Divine Wine and then with Revlon Top Speed Polish in Dress Code.
The Nailgrowth formula will help my nails grow stronger (biotin, peptides, chondroitin, keratin, silk powder). The Top Speed formula will help my nails stay healthy (minerals, gemstone powders, vitamins, silk powder, keratin).
My nails are shimmery metallic dark violet, with shimmery golden dark red bleeding through beneath. I was surprised by the beauty of Dress Code, which is much more purple than Decadent (indigo violet) and more shimmery. Revlon is really good with nail colors. The fascinating thing is how the dark red and dark violet shades are merging as the polishes finish drying. (I am also pretty sure "Dress Code" may also be named "Violet" as the Revlon site does not have a polish color called Dress Code in the Top Speed line, but the shade Violet looks exactly like Dress Code.)
http://www.drugstore.com/sally-hansen-nailgrowth-miracle-nail-color-divine-wine/qxp348841?catid=196092
http://www.drugstore.com/revlon-top-speed-fast-dry-nail-enamel-violet-670/qxp331984?catid=183598
I had also applied makeup this afternoon, since brightening concealer used as foundation and dark red lipgloss made me look a little less ill and exhausted. I felt like an alien, but a pretty alien.

Beautiful colors do help take my mind of how terrible I am feeling.
Eventually I will stop feeling terrible and start feeling, um, in less pain? and now I am finally, finally starting to climb out of this bizarre depressive episode that has been like a rabbit hole lined with steel thorns.
Combined with one of the most severe fibromyalgia attacks in recent months or even years plus attacks from the various sydromes associated with spastic ataxic cerebral palsy, the depression shattered me for quite a while. I am deeply grateful that it began lifting just as I desperately wanted to lie on my psychic battlefield in a deep pool of my own psychic blood, too tired and too drained to keep fighting, willing to let my pain monsters grab me and take me like a trophy to wherever they live when not hunting. I didn't feel alarmed enough to call my doctors, I just felt desperate to sleep for a day straight until I felt human again. I honestly don't know what it's like to feel so darkly depressed, but I would probably admit I was getting fairly close.

All I can say is that I really am feeling better, covered in sunlight and moonlight with healing powers, since I am a witch and a pagan after all. And I can thank every friend I have for helping me, whether they knew it or not. And I can also thank my Higher Brain and my Subconscious combined, which I like to call the Psychic Quantum Consciousness, because quantum brains are cool.

See this entry for various explanations and stuff: http://brightrosefox.livejournal.com/1570608.html

I'm back to wearing the silver wire ring with the light blue kyanite flanked by lapis lazuli, this time on my right middle finger. Kyanite and Lapis Lazuli have always given me the most peace. And of course there is the silver pentacle ring on my left pointer finger, the two amber bracelets on my left wrist, the precious shimmering rainbow Ethiopian Opal gold filigree ring on my left middle finger, and the ouroborus pentacle amber pendant on the silver chain. I am full of the stuff I call magic and often physics.
Also, that nail polish is "Ocean" by Revlon.