Yell. Scream. Charge. Here come the monsters.

[brightlotusmoon]

I have a spear, a sword, and a hammer. Anything or anyone planning to fuck with me shall be met with brutal and stabby force.

Seriously, though. I know I am severely depressed and anxious and in so much pain and so exhausted by it all. And various support systems are trying to nudge me toward issues that bother them, which I would love to deal with later, just not now, or tomorrow, or next week. In conclusion: I don't care.

And so, until this heavy darkness lifts entirely, I will keep doing what I have been doing for my health. And everyone who keeps repeating all those treatments over and over will be met with the classic "Yes" answer. "Yes, I know. Yes, I am working on it. Yes, I am doing that. Yes, I will do that. Yes, I will see if that helps. Yes, I am hearing you. Yes, I understand you. Yes, we are beating a dead horse. Yes, I am doing everything I possibly can to heal and get better even though it takes time. Yes, my life is not your life. Yes, I know you care for me. Yes, I am taking care of myself. Yes, I know you don't believe me. Yes, I am being completely honest because like I said, these things take time. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Good. We will talk later. Yes. Okay. Later."

For me, there is a difference between "I want to help you, even if I can only stand with you and hold your hand either physically or mentally" and "I want to help you, so here is everything you need to do, because I want you to do all these things so I feel better so I can stop worrying about you."

In other news, I painted my nails earlier with Sally Hansen Nailgrowth Miracle Nail Polish in Loyal Lavender. A pearlescent shiny pastel pink lavender, essentially English Lavender with soft purple iridescence. It seems to go well with my coloring.
http://api.photoshop.com/v1.0/accounts/48ff298f257a429894632ebafd1844ad/assets/ce6d2ec1cd6a49cbb133116455b3f08f
https://s3.amazonaws.com/luuux-original-files/bookmarklet_uploaded/sallyHansen.jpg
Also, it makes me instantly smile when I look at my fingernails, because the color brightens everything. I need to be brightened anyway.

Later, I switched to a different polish. I've been feeling so creepily Dragon-ish today that I applied Revlon Top Speed Fast Dry Nail Enamel in Ocean, a deep teal with green foil iridescence. It looks like dragon scales. It makes me happy and also fierce as fuck. Plus, the Top Speed products are healthy for nails. Keratin, Silk, Silica, Minerals, Gem Powders.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kKkz_H_NR_M/T19yySc9ZeI/AAAAAAAAEVA/1vBEW8dBW44/s1600/003-1.JPG
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oHMe06Levu8/TWZ88KHEzMI/AAAAAAAACX0/eN6O4AxYSVg/s1600/RevlonOcean.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MzVUHpoEOHU/TlZ1aU7lTsI/AAAAAAAABsI/WlOs4dumX9M/s1600/008.JPG

When it comes to concealing my facial skin - like full war paint - I always choose full coverage: Lauren Brooke Creme Foundation and Creme Concealer, It Cosmetics Concealer, MAC Studio Sculpt Foundation, Physician's Formula Conceal Rx and Circle Rx, Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation, NYX HD Studio Foundation, Korres Quercetin Concealer, Revlon DNA Advantage Foundation, CoverGirl Tone Rehab Foundation, CoverBlend Concealer, Too Faced Flawless Concealer.

On my warrior lips I alternate between four triumphant red lipsticks: Nars Semi-Matte in Fire Down Below, a deep true blood red; Being True Pure LipColor in Temptress, a dark deep bloody red; Too Faced Lip Creme in Stiletto Red, a deep neutral blood red; Revlon Lip Butter in Red Velvet, a silky rich blood red. Bloody, exotic, attractive, intense, powerful, sensual. I always love things in fours. No matter which color I wear, I instantly feel like a great warrior goddess, even if it is only in my mind.
http://www.narscosmetics.com/color/lips/lipstick/semi-matte-lipstick/fire-down-below
http://www.dermstore.com/product.php?prod_id=24194
http://www.dermstore.com/product.php?prod_id=42764
http://nouveaucheap.blogspot.com/2011/10/review-revlon-colorburst-lip-butter-in.html
My staple red is It Cosmetics Vitality Lip Flush in Pretty Woman, but as it is sheer and flushed, I use it every day no matter how I feel.
http://www.beauty.com/it-cosmetics-vitality-lip-flush-4-in-1-natural-anti-aging-lipstick-stain-pretty-woman/qxp387445?catid=12884

A brightened face, a wide mouth stained with psychic blood, a scream ripped from a chronically ill body, and I refuse to back down.
*warrior yell*
*spears raised*

Comments

[unico-love.livejournal.com]

I love the lavender nailpolish:)

[notadoor.livejournal.com]

I'm always curious when you post these things if there's one or two specific people who do this to you, or if it's a general thing that keeps happening with everybody around you.

Either way, I'm sorry. :-(

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

It's both.
There are one or two people who keep doing this to me (one is a family member, one is a casual friend), and it's a general thing that happens when I'm a member of communities or forums, no matter how many forums I quit and join. :/

[notadoor.livejournal.com]

There is a great word in use on Making Light (but unfortunately not in many other internet places): "hlepy", which is when someone gives you "assistance" (often advice) that is actually not helpful at all, and is generally more for the benefit of the person giving it than for the person on the receiving end. Non-obnoxious example would be a toddler making you cookies, obnoxious examples would be ... well, I'm sure you can think of plenty. Unfortunately.

Standing

[sapharin-2.livejournal.com]

"I want to help you, even if I can only stand with you and hold your hand either physically or mentally" I offer you also, "spoons"; Josie's borrowed "spoons" plenty of time, so, no problem.

*assumes Warrior defense stance*