brightlotusmoon (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brightlotusmoon) wrote2007-04-25 08:38 pm
brightlotusmoon) wrote2007-04-25 08:38 pm
sightseen
Danny and I are watching the next episode of "Stargate SG-1" which is supposed to air this coming Friday ("The Road Not Taken"). Hurrah for torrenting.
We made "uber" mac n cheese, loaded with extra cheese and spices and flavorings. The spices make it easy to digest and process. A very small amount was filling enough, barely the size of my fist.
Adam is in his hotel room in the New York Hilton on the Avenue of Americas. So far things are well.
Luna and I spent some quality time together relaxing on one of the reclining armchairs. She groomed me happily and I petted her into bliss. It seems she very much likes the fish food that I feed the parrotfishes, the cichlids, and the oscar.
I really need to roll out the yoga mat and work with the Pilates ring. I have muscle, but it needs to be toned. The flesh is soft, but I am still not used to soft, not even after three years of ED recovery. My mind, I think, is emotionally damaged in a way from the delusions that being the thinnest was the only way to be, especially for my height. I still feel like I don't belong with the body I have, because the body I had, the only adult body I knew for years, was a result of starvation and illness; and I had become intimately familiar with it. I became anorexic at 21, at a time when my body should have been allowed to bloom at its natural pace. I am half Italian, half Russian-Romanian; I am biologically designed for wide hips and a womanly curve. But I didn't believe it back then. I am working on believing it now, with more strength every day. I haven't forgotten.
We made "uber" mac n cheese, loaded with extra cheese and spices and flavorings. The spices make it easy to digest and process. A very small amount was filling enough, barely the size of my fist.
Adam is in his hotel room in the New York Hilton on the Avenue of Americas. So far things are well.
Luna and I spent some quality time together relaxing on one of the reclining armchairs. She groomed me happily and I petted her into bliss. It seems she very much likes the fish food that I feed the parrotfishes, the cichlids, and the oscar.
I really need to roll out the yoga mat and work with the Pilates ring. I have muscle, but it needs to be toned. The flesh is soft, but I am still not used to soft, not even after three years of ED recovery. My mind, I think, is emotionally damaged in a way from the delusions that being the thinnest was the only way to be, especially for my height. I still feel like I don't belong with the body I have, because the body I had, the only adult body I knew for years, was a result of starvation and illness; and I had become intimately familiar with it. I became anorexic at 21, at a time when my body should have been allowed to bloom at its natural pace. I am half Italian, half Russian-Romanian; I am biologically designed for wide hips and a womanly curve. But I didn't believe it back then. I am working on believing it now, with more strength every day. I haven't forgotten.
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...like, ever.
2. hooray for womanly curves!
it's amazing to me how many women i've been close to that have survived that.
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2. :)
3. Me too. It's relieving for me to know it's common, yet horrible at the same time...
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