Hot and Cold

[brightlotusmoon]

Today is shaping up to be another Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day where the pain goes to eleven. The last time I felt like this was June 17th; I posted about it then. It was soul-crushing, nerve-scraping, howling and violent then. It will be so today because it is already happening. Today I will lose my mind for a while, cry and yell and beg and whimper and pray it will end. And then it will be over. Until the next Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

The post-ictal symptoms have finally faded. Unfortunately, I spent some time last night trapped in a BDD cycle. This happens often after seizures. I see parts of my body so distorted, so ugly, so shapeless and horrible, that it triggers the anorexia scars and I panic if a pair of pants feels too tight, I panic if my waistline looks larger. After everything fades, after every symptom passes, I am left breathless and confused and struggling to fit myself back together. My dreams last night reflected this.

I am waiting for the pain pills and anti-fatigue pills to kick in.

I feel clinical and cynical; a girl with a Heart Shaped Locket (Cleopatra meets Sandra Dee).

Comments

[quicksilver555.livejournal.com]

I assume you mean body dysmorphic disorder.I wasnt sure if there was a link betwen that and TLE,I suppose I must be the same way,sometimes I feel like Im losing my mind and think ive gone bi-polar?I look in the mirror and if I drew what I saw,people would wonder which funhouse mirror I was last visiting and how drunk was I when there

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Yes, that is what I mean. I don't know if it can be linked to TLE, but because I had an ED, that probably has more to do with it.

[ryotboi.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

i was just wondering why you mention fibro and cfs but not cp that often when you have incidences of neuromuscular flares or pain. curious as to what you attribute to cp and what to fibro. iwant to know myself. my primary uses it as a dx of exclusion with fibro. trying to figure out how to tease which condition out at a particular time as responsible for my symptoms... i guess the short answer is fibro and cp affect one another synergystically? or something... it probably wouldn't affect treatment that much (cuz the symptoms are so similar, mebbe?), except the fact that some ppl recover from fibro but not cp.

anyway, food for thought. what you you think?

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Oh, I just forgot to mention CP, that's all. It always flares up.