Moments pass
Jul. 26th, 2008 11:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightlotusmoonI had A Moment last night.
Haven't had such an intense Moment in, what, five years?
I rarely have them now and I rarely talk about them, but this was so strong and I know why it happened.
Woke up shaking after dreams about death and bones.
The Moment was long gone and I stared at myself in the mirror for an eternity. I kept saying, Beautiful. Over and over.
Woke up aching and sore and burning and wanting to never move again.
I took a Soma.
I swear a prescription drug has never been so aptly named.
Woke up tense and spastic, with my left arm bent at a strange angle from the elbow, with my left wrist bent all the way in, my fingers claws and pained. My entire left leg too spastic to move for a while, shaking.
I may have been Alice last night.
There is a very distinct feeling when a seizure happens. It is so unmistakable that when someone asks if it is, say, a panic attack, I almost get offended.
I know what happens after I am Alice for a while.
I want to stop crying. The reasons are not listed here, but are related to the first. All I know is that they were right, all those years ago, about me being made of pure light, about wishing that the people I loved could be safe and healed and not hurting.
I promise myself everything will be fine.
Haven't had such an intense Moment in, what, five years?
I rarely have them now and I rarely talk about them, but this was so strong and I know why it happened.
Woke up shaking after dreams about death and bones.
The Moment was long gone and I stared at myself in the mirror for an eternity. I kept saying, Beautiful. Over and over.
Woke up aching and sore and burning and wanting to never move again.
I took a Soma.
I swear a prescription drug has never been so aptly named.
Woke up tense and spastic, with my left arm bent at a strange angle from the elbow, with my left wrist bent all the way in, my fingers claws and pained. My entire left leg too spastic to move for a while, shaking.
I may have been Alice last night.
There is a very distinct feeling when a seizure happens. It is so unmistakable that when someone asks if it is, say, a panic attack, I almost get offended.
I know what happens after I am Alice for a while.
I want to stop crying. The reasons are not listed here, but are related to the first. All I know is that they were right, all those years ago, about me being made of pure light, about wishing that the people I loved could be safe and healed and not hurting.
I promise myself everything will be fine.
