brightlotusmoon: (Snow White Ruby Blood Dragon Witch)
Quote from a friend that applies to me in a scary way:

"If you really feel like picking a fight with me, you will have to wait until tomorrow afternoon. I'll need at least two good meals, some meditation, a comedy film, a squeezable exercise toy in one hand, and a muscle relaxant drug that will help me type properly without muscle pains and tensions.
This is why I like arguing online: We each get our points across without interrupting shouts, we can research and cite our sources properly, we can explain exactly why the other person's argument is fallible, we can defend our own position logically and rationally, we can actually get words in edgewise without stammering and snarling from both sides, and we can save our vocal chords from getting sore.
I hate debating in person. My opponent loves to tell me exactly what is wrong with me in ways that don't even make sense, and he or she refuses to let me explain why that argument has no basis in reality.
Let's say, for example, that he or she decides to pick on the fact that I have a terrible memory in general but I can easily quote my favorite books and movies. Do you know why I can easily quote my favorite books and movies? Because they are my favorite books and movies. It has absolutely nothing to do with having a poor memory overall. It just means that I've read certain books and watched certain films often enough to at least paraphrase, if not fully recite, entire lines of dialogue. See, people with brain issues such as autism spectrum disorders are able to do things like that. Having a disintegrating memory while being able to recall very specific things does not mean that I am pretending to have a selective memory, and frankly I feel insulted when it is implied and inferred.
I am chronologically young and neurologically aging. I also have many friends going through the exact same process. I talk about my experiences often, so people like me can know that they are not alone.
If you want to fight me about that, if you want to accuse me of deliberately living inside my brain disorders, please come inside my brain disorders. They're all connected, so it's like a fantastic patchwork house. My brain has a very comfortable couch. Would you like some tea? I just got some red tea. I have decorated it with my disorders proudly. They are part of me, after all. They are part of who I am. Aren't they beautiful? Like shiny, sparkly, broken puzzles. I may never find the missing pieces. That's fine, though.
Did you know that in Japan, when a ceramic sculpture is broken, they weave gold through the piece when putting it back together? Kintsugi: the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. The idea behind it is that the piece becomes more beautiful and valuable because it has been broken and has a history. I am full of gold-filled cracks. I am very proud of that. I am proud of my disabled and handicapped history. My life is made of gold!
Oh, please don't look upset! No, no, please, sit comfortably. I hope the tea is to your liking. Yes, even that mug has gold fillings, Even the couch is sewn with gold. This entire place is filled in with gold. And it is lovely.
Wait! Did you mean that I use my disabilities like crutches to make excuses for being in pain? That's ridiculous. I mean, I certainly don't mind magical thinking, but you can't make something that extreme happen just by imagining it. I'm not imagining it. I'm living in the right now. And, like many disabled people, my right now means having a body and a brain that feel more injured and aged than normal. I talk about this so that others like me understand, so they have answers to questions they are too worried to ask. Sometimes when you approach age thirty it can feel like age sixty, for some of us. That is why I am an activist for certain disabilities and an advocate for certain health treatments.
Oh! Oh, my! Is that also why you're angry at me? Do you believe that I use my medical problems as an excuse to do nothing while I am young? That is the silliest and most untrue thing anyone has ever assumed. Perhaps you should talk to some of my disabled activist friends. They will tell you the same thing. Life is hard for everybody. But it is sometimes a little bit harder for disabled people. We're not special snowflakes. Although snow and cold do sometimes make us hurt more!
Have some more tea. It's very calming. We need to be calm for this fight.
Just let me know when you are ready to fight. I need to do some meditative qi gong exercises to prepare. Just please keep in mind that I would rather we each complete a piece of debate without yelling over each other. It is much more difficult to weave healing gold threads through words."
-Written By A Disabled Gentleman Who Shall Remain Anonymous, And Who Reflects My Exact Thoughts, Feelings, and Personal Beliefs With Incredibly Frightening Accuracy To The Point Where I Could Have Written Most Of This In Various Bits. Not Kidding, I Think This Guy Shares My Writerbrain.

Anyway, speaking of the art of using gold to heal broken things!
http://www.pinterest.com/uberECOcool/kintsugi-saving-broken-ceramics-with-gold/
brightlotusmoon: (Peaceful Dragon model 2)
I am a socially liberal moderate with mild civil libertarian leanings and mild conservative leanings; I do not call myself a Democrat or left-wing liberal and I find real partisan politics weird; I like to watch Fox News just for the reporting, which I am entertained by; I have many many friends who call themselves Republican yet do not embrace the extremely creepy insane views that many GOP members embrace; I do not believe Republicans generally are evil or hideous or boogeymen; I feel upset when an entire political party is smeared with a giant stabbing poison brush. I prefer when hate and loathing is directed at all parties.

So... does anybody want to yell at me for not being, say, fully liberal enough or not informed enough or not this or that enough, or for watching Fox News or for having loving Republican friends? It has happened before, and I was highly amused back then. Now I am very curious, because this is LiveJournal and a social public blog, and everyone is an asshole whether we will admit it or not.

I watched the results of the election kerfluffle. I watched as Obama won and the Democrats celebrated with feverish fervor.
I will not discuss my opinions or feelings, but I will say that I feel okay. Not joyous, not sad, not amazed, not worried, not thrilled, not upset, not delighted, not miserable, not depressed. Just okay. Just calm. Just relaxed. Just refreshed. Just fine. Just okay. I don't mind. I don't mind, but I will be very watchful. Obama is not the greatest. Obama is not made of magic. Obama will not make all problems vanish. Obama will make more problems. But Obama will be okay. I will be watchful and I will see.

But I am in so much pain that I can barely stay upright and also my legs, lower back, hips, arms, and wrists are being spastic, stabbing, aching, and burning. So I am drugging myself with Baclofen and Codeine and resting.
And I still refuse to tell you who I voted for.

It's... hard for me to explain. I have an Interesting Brain. See, I am tokophobic, which means Intense Fear Of Pregnancy And Childbirth. I want to block my uterus from accepting conception permanently, firstly for my own fears and anxieties and phobias, and way down the list for assholes who think I'm a breeding factory. I am planning on a tubal ligation or even a coil insert, once I have the opportunity and money and Medicare.
People tell me, "Oh, why don't you tell your husband to get a vasectomy? It is easier! SmileyFace!" And I sneer and smirk and say, "No. Because there is always the possibility that I may one day get raped. No. Because this is my own body. I do not own my male partner's body. I own my own body. My body. And this is what I want to do. My uterus does not define me. I, myself, define me. But phobia is strong. I am not afraid of permanently soothing my phobia. But I am afraid of being stopped because someone has decided I should not. But, see, I am not afraid because of politics or other women or people who hate or anything like that. I am only afraid for myself. And so I would do this only for myself, and not for you."

One day, I will be sterilized. But not for them, never for them. I do things for me. But I voted with my conscience, which wraps around everyone. I will not say for whom. I will only say that I did not write in a candidate, but I love to joke about that. Futurama, Babylon 5, My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic, Firefly. Bender and Garibaldi. River Tam and Princess Celestia. Delenn and Twilight Sparkle. Applejack and Ivanova. Malcom Reynolds and Philip J. Fry.

I hope most of all of that makes sense.

But that is not the point. The point is that nobody should vote only on single issues like abortion, like gay marriage, like small government, like Social Security. But women did because of fear. And I never wanted to be afraid. I never wanted my fears to bleed into my politics. I did not let that happen. Yes, I am fiercely pro-choice in many ways. Yes, I am pro-gay marriage in many ways. Yes, I am pro-gun ownership for all citizens, believing in the freedom to own guns in their homes. Yes, I am pro-death penalty. Yes, I believe that the government should help people like me, the disabled, without looming too close for comfort. Yes, I believe the government should keep their hands out of my wallet, my bedroom, my body, my self.
But I refuse to vote only, solely, on only one of those single issues.
I don't know why that happens so often with people.

I cannot explain how I feel or hope. I will only say that I hope the next four years are not terrible, that we will be okay.
I want to be okay.
brightlotusmoon: (Default)
That phrase seems to be quite true in regards to this fascinating look into whether or not certain diets affect the degree of fibromyalgia pain in different people (omnivores and vegetarians):
http://community.livejournal.com/fibromyalgia/1658504.html

I may use some of this in any debates I come into between vegetarians and omnivores, since no one anywhere can truly dictate and decide what is absolutely best for everyone -- no matter how many books and articles are written, public speeches are made, or seminars are conducted. Some people do incredibly well without a certain kind of food; others do not; and I simply wish that there was not so much blatant, fanatical force used by one group of people when trying to "convert" another.

A quick afterthought, related to nothing in particular:
Saying, "It's my body, and it is different from yours; thank you for your help, but I really think it is up to me to decide what seems to be best for my body and my mind" seems to be the most logical, rational argument in general.

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