Also, I am listening to Pink Floyd's "The Wall"

[brightlotusmoon]

In agreement with another disabled friend's rant about "disability inspiration porn" (dear gods, that is actually a thing, and I want to cry).

First, I'm going to quote the entire rant because it is worth quoting.

***
About a week ago, one person posted an adorable picture of a girl in a wheelchair at a beach, with the caption "never ignore a disabled person, they have so much to teach." I gritted my teeth and ignored it, because I didn't want to get into all the things wrong with it.
Today, I saw a similar pic, slightly different caption, and I SO wanted to say "no, really, ignore the fuck out of us. WE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO ENJOY OUR LIVES AND YOUR PATRONIZING BULLSHIT IMPEDES THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!"
This article sums up a lot of the issues very well. But really. I am not your inspiring Hallmark cookie. And neither are any of my friends who overcome a lot to live a good life. We are people. We have issues, but dammit, everyone has issues. They might not cause you horrible pain, they might not be emotionally crippling, but they are your issues, your problems to overcome, and when you say that somehow mine are bigger than yours, you're playing into part of what makes it hard for disabled people to be PEOPLE, and to be treated equally.
Furthermore, some disabled people aren't inspiring, they're assholes. Just because they're disabled doesn't mean they should get a pass for jerk behavior; yet I know people who won't take a person aside and say "hey, you're being an ass" because oh, poor disabled person, we can't be mean to them.
Newsflash: It isn't mean. It's being a friend. If you wouldn't give your able bodied friend a pass for whatever they did, DON'T DO IT TO THE CRIPPLE. You aren't doing them any favors. If they're an irredeemable jerk, well, you tried. But they might genuinely not know. A lot of mental issues manifest in people not getting that their behavior was inappropriate, and you taking that person aside and saying "that behavior wasn't cool" can make a huge difference in their life.
Plus, when you start talking about how "inspirational" disabled people are, you play into the "pain olympics," because you make disabled people's pain "bigger" than other people's. Are you saying that somehow what I do to get through my life is more important or inspiring than [friend's] struggle to regain his health after heart surgery?
They are two different things. And there is no comparison. There is no need for comparing them. Both are rough to overcome, both are going to have long-lasting impacts on our lives, and both are crappy situations.
But there's also no need to say my pain is bigger, or worse, or more "inspiring" than another person with fibro's pain. Because we are different people, we experience pain differently. Pain isn't a zero-sum game. My pain doesn't invalidate someone else's, nor vice-versa.
And me being disabled doesn't give you the right to "other" me, to objectify me through some fairy-tale of how I overcame huge obstacles to have a normal life. It's a fairy tale. I don't overcome obstacles, I live my life. It's a pretty normal life, and I kinda like it.
But my situation doesn't make me a special snowflake, worthy of pedestals and chest-beating.
I would rather be inspiring for what I DO, not something that's a circumstance that happened to me. And I think that's how most disabled people feel.
Though, if you can give me magic powers through your fairy-tale idea of me, you go right ahead and do that. ;)
***


And my own reply with rant:

THANK YOU. FUCK YES.

Also, that poster with the skating guy and the little girl where they both have amputated legs and are skating on... what are those? Converted hockey sticks? And it says "The Only Disability In Life Is A Bad Attitude." - Scott Hamilton (I think the guy is Hamilton? I don't know). And I FUCKING RAGE every time I see it.

My friends tell me how powerful I am, how much they feel inspired by my ability to just fucking LIVE MY LIFE alongside all my various disabilities. That's cool. It's not the disability that inspires them; it's the person making the disabilities work with life. Good. Excellent. I want people to see me like that. I want people to say, "Hey, awesome, she does stuff and works with her disabilities to compensate and compromise everything. She is strong because she has to be. I like that. Go her!" They never say, "Aww, look at her, doing stuff despite being disabled... isn't she amazing? I'm so proud and inspired!" Because, ugh. And they all agree. My friends are awesome. Also they don't put up with my shit, because I am human and I make mistakes and we laugh at my slip-ups, because being disabled means being able to laugh at yourself.

I am able to maneuver around my chronic illnesses and find ways around my limitations, rather than trying to push myself to my limits or smash through my limits - which is another bullshit thing. "The only limitations you have are in your mind!" followed by "Tee hee!" And FUCK THAT. I can raise my limits and keep reaching for them. I can find ways to circumvent those limits. But I fucking have my limits, assholes. Shut the fuck up.

Those who know and love me love me for ME, not the fascination of my disability. I am not some fairy tale ideal creature to strive for. I am a gods damn CRIPPLE. I am nobody's hero. I am a fucking gimp. I am a person, a disabled person, a person with disabilities, living my life, not actually caring about how what I do affects non-disabled people. So people can shut up and leave me alone.
I mean, unless I ask for help when my disabilities make it hard for me to do something. And even then, they are not allowed to think of me as inspirational. I am not a Hallmark card. I can be an asshole. I am HUMAN. Quit staring at me with stars in your eyes.

So, yeah... ;-)

Ahhh. I feel better now.

Comments

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

The opposite hurts just as much.

Someone found out I was Autistic and said he couldn't believe, he wished his kid could be as related as myself, how could I ever complain?

I just wanted to scream "Just because I'm not melting down now doesn't mean anything for the future!"

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

WHUT.

That's... it's... *sputter*

But yeah... I've gotten that.
"Wow, you have cerebral palsy? It's so mild! I never would have guessed! Your movements are so smooth for a person with cerebral palsy!"
Dude, that's kind of an insult, not a compliment...

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

I get that all the time. "I never would have guessed you were Autistic," which is hurtful, but it's the guilt that I don't really suffer, because look how normal I look.

I had a student radio show in college where I did religious programming. I was amazing at it. And then after the show, I had a meltdown where my brain shut off and I was completely unable to speak, interact with others or process my own emotions.

I can lead incredible classes and workshops for my work, and then need to hide in a bathroom because I used up my spoons and I need to recharge.

Just because I am spending the spoons doesn't mean they are unlimited.

I think the only thing people should do when told about a disability is just be polite. For instance, when a colleague mentioned she had severe allergies, I did ask if there was anything she wished me to know in order to see to her health and comfort.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

"I think the only thing people should do when told about a disability is just be polite."

Exactly. I don't know why that's so hard for people.

If someone says "Really? You don't look disabled!" they should not expect us to say "Thank you." But they do. They think they're making us feel better. My boss at my last job did that. Just because I could handle a law library...

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

I appreciate being told I'm normal, but I am normal even if I am disabled. Disability is a normal part of life. Nearly everyone will go through it, especially at the senior years of life.

I wouldn;'t mind it half as much if it was just people's denseness but it's often used to deny me accommodations.

[naamah-darling.livejournal.com]

Here's something that offends me about how that athlete and little girl pic, which is an adorable pic, is being used:

Those legs they are walking on are $15,000 to $20,000 space-age carbon-fiber prosthetics. They are FUCKING BADASS AS ALL GET-OUT, literally made to mimic the flexion of a cheetah's legs, with serious power behind them and yet they are non-mechanized, making them quite durable. They are so powerful that Olympic South African sprinter Oscar Pistorius was disqualified from the 2008 Olympics because they were found to give him advantages a non-amputee runner could not match! But they are so fucking expensive it is not funny.

And that's just it. That picture represents tremendous advantages that disabled people themselves by and large do not have! It's a wonderful picture! I like the picture! It makes me happy! (Without the captions it gets paired with, that is.) But make no mistake: it is a picture that contains a huge heap of privilege in terms of money stuff. And that's why using it as inspiration porn makes me so fucking angry. Nothing about that picture is representative of my experience as a disabled person. It's not representative of most people's experience with disability!

I am in no way sneering and waving my hand at people missing limbs, here. That's a unique set of challenges and ways of things sucking, and I'm not going to say it's "better" to be missing a leg or arm than being depressed. Depending on the person, the depression, the missing limb, how you lost it, other associated issues, etc., that may be true, but it may not be true, either. Unless you've been able to try both and pick between them, which nobody can, it's not a thing that can be judged. What I am saying is there is no prosthetic for chronic pain. There is no prosthetic for being bipolar, or depressed, or schizophrenic. There is no prosthetic for IBS or Crohn's. There is no prosthetic for MS, CP, autism, ankylosing spondylitis, epilepsy, arthritis, spinal injury, PTSD, anxiety issues, OCD, etc. . . . I'm sure you get the picture.

So, I wish to fuck there were cheetah legs for my brain! But there are not! So I have some well-meaning person on my FB page throwing this up there, and I'm like, "Yeah, YOU GO, smiling little girl in $15k legs! ROCK ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF! Now, if y'all will excuse me, I have to go cross my eyes and try to make the $56 in my bank account look like $300, so I can afford to pay for my LAST doctor visit, so I can maybe make ANOTHER one. Also, my positive attitude is nonexistent today, because my body either doesn't make or doesn't properly take up dopamine, and some days it is worse than others." I mean, my disability is literally that I cannot have a good attitude. So when people go talking about how a bad attitude is the only disability there is, I just want to tell them to fuck themselves with a rusty railroad spike.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Oh. Oh. OHHHH.
Knowing that amazes me. Astounds me. Impresses me beyond belief. I had NO CLUE what those prosthetic things were. I am enthralled and fascinated.
And I am enraged. I am stunned. I am angry.
Because those amazing incredible prosthetic limbs are being shoved at us in that adorable photo as a way of telling us we are not good enough because... well, what you said.
I was born with low dopamine levels. I have to work, strive, and take drugs to get those levels normal. I don't have motherfucking time or strength to feel happy about those extraordinary cheetah legs, and when I do, it would be dulled by the state of my bank account, lack of celebrity, and lack os direct friendship with a celebrity.
So, you rock on, little girl with cheetah legs. May you always be happy and smiling. I won't.

[naamah-darling.livejournal.com]

It breaks my heart to think of all the people who won't get nice legs like that because they're too expensive. They just . . . shouldn't be.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

I know. I know. Like, now that I've realized what those "converted hockey sticks" actually are, I'm so so sad. It's really unfair.
I now remember seeing cheetah legs on some para-athlete runners. And WHOA they could run. Because they had the damn expensive cheetah legs. Is there an actual term for those? I don't want to keep calling them "converted hockey sticks" (but I'll keep calling them "cheetah legs prosthetics").

Have you heard about the guy who got new arms from a cadaver? I'm unsure about nerve hook-ups, but I think at one point he could twitch the fingers.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Oh, wait. They ARE called Cheetah legs! Duh!
http://www.ossur.com/?PageID=13462
Heh, Blade Runner.
They still look like hockey sticks...