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brightlotusmoonIn agreement with another disabled friend's rant about "disability inspiration porn" (dear gods, that is actually a thing, and I want to cry).
First, I'm going to quote the entire rant because it is worth quoting.
***
About a week ago, one person posted an adorable picture of a girl in a wheelchair at a beach, with the caption "never ignore a disabled person, they have so much to teach." I gritted my teeth and ignored it, because I didn't want to get into all the things wrong with it.
Today, I saw a similar pic, slightly different caption, and I SO wanted to say "no, really, ignore the fuck out of us. WE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO ENJOY OUR LIVES AND YOUR PATRONIZING BULLSHIT IMPEDES THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!"
This article sums up a lot of the issues very well. But really. I am not your inspiring Hallmark cookie. And neither are any of my friends who overcome a lot to live a good life. We are people. We have issues, but dammit, everyone has issues. They might not cause you horrible pain, they might not be emotionally crippling, but they are your issues, your problems to overcome, and when you say that somehow mine are bigger than yours, you're playing into part of what makes it hard for disabled people to be PEOPLE, and to be treated equally.
Furthermore, some disabled people aren't inspiring, they're assholes. Just because they're disabled doesn't mean they should get a pass for jerk behavior; yet I know people who won't take a person aside and say "hey, you're being an ass" because oh, poor disabled person, we can't be mean to them.
Newsflash: It isn't mean. It's being a friend. If you wouldn't give your able bodied friend a pass for whatever they did, DON'T DO IT TO THE CRIPPLE. You aren't doing them any favors. If they're an irredeemable jerk, well, you tried. But they might genuinely not know. A lot of mental issues manifest in people not getting that their behavior was inappropriate, and you taking that person aside and saying "that behavior wasn't cool" can make a huge difference in their life.
Plus, when you start talking about how "inspirational" disabled people are, you play into the "pain olympics," because you make disabled people's pain "bigger" than other people's. Are you saying that somehow what I do to get through my life is more important or inspiring than [friend's] struggle to regain his health after heart surgery?
They are two different things. And there is no comparison. There is no need for comparing them. Both are rough to overcome, both are going to have long-lasting impacts on our lives, and both are crappy situations.
But there's also no need to say my pain is bigger, or worse, or more "inspiring" than another person with fibro's pain. Because we are different people, we experience pain differently. Pain isn't a zero-sum game. My pain doesn't invalidate someone else's, nor vice-versa.
And me being disabled doesn't give you the right to "other" me, to objectify me through some fairy-tale of how I overcame huge obstacles to have a normal life. It's a fairy tale. I don't overcome obstacles, I live my life. It's a pretty normal life, and I kinda like it.
But my situation doesn't make me a special snowflake, worthy of pedestals and chest-beating.
I would rather be inspiring for what I DO, not something that's a circumstance that happened to me. And I think that's how most disabled people feel.
Though, if you can give me magic powers through your fairy-tale idea of me, you go right ahead and do that. ;)
***
And my own reply with rant:
THANK YOU. FUCK YES.
Also, that poster with the skating guy and the little girl where they both have amputated legs and are skating on... what are those? Converted hockey sticks? And it says "The Only Disability In Life Is A Bad Attitude." - Scott Hamilton (I think the guy is Hamilton? I don't know). And I FUCKING RAGE every time I see it.
My friends tell me how powerful I am, how much they feel inspired by my ability to just fucking LIVE MY LIFE alongside all my various disabilities. That's cool. It's not the disability that inspires them; it's the person making the disabilities work with life. Good. Excellent. I want people to see me like that. I want people to say, "Hey, awesome, she does stuff and works with her disabilities to compensate and compromise everything. She is strong because she has to be. I like that. Go her!" They never say, "Aww, look at her, doing stuff despite being disabled... isn't she amazing? I'm so proud and inspired!" Because, ugh. And they all agree. My friends are awesome. Also they don't put up with my shit, because I am human and I make mistakes and we laugh at my slip-ups, because being disabled means being able to laugh at yourself.
I am able to maneuver around my chronic illnesses and find ways around my limitations, rather than trying to push myself to my limits or smash through my limits - which is another bullshit thing. "The only limitations you have are in your mind!" followed by "Tee hee!" And FUCK THAT. I can raise my limits and keep reaching for them. I can find ways to circumvent those limits. But I fucking have my limits, assholes. Shut the fuck up.
Those who know and love me love me for ME, not the fascination of my disability. I am not some fairy tale ideal creature to strive for. I am a gods damn CRIPPLE. I am nobody's hero. I am a fucking gimp. I am a person, a disabled person, a person with disabilities, living my life, not actually caring about how what I do affects non-disabled people. So people can shut up and leave me alone.
I mean, unless I ask for help when my disabilities make it hard for me to do something. And even then, they are not allowed to think of me as inspirational. I am not a Hallmark card. I can be an asshole. I am HUMAN. Quit staring at me with stars in your eyes.
So, yeah... ;-)
Ahhh. I feel better now.
First, I'm going to quote the entire rant because it is worth quoting.
***
About a week ago, one person posted an adorable picture of a girl in a wheelchair at a beach, with the caption "never ignore a disabled person, they have so much to teach." I gritted my teeth and ignored it, because I didn't want to get into all the things wrong with it.
Today, I saw a similar pic, slightly different caption, and I SO wanted to say "no, really, ignore the fuck out of us. WE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO ENJOY OUR LIVES AND YOUR PATRONIZING BULLSHIT IMPEDES THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!"
This article sums up a lot of the issues very well. But really. I am not your inspiring Hallmark cookie. And neither are any of my friends who overcome a lot to live a good life. We are people. We have issues, but dammit, everyone has issues. They might not cause you horrible pain, they might not be emotionally crippling, but they are your issues, your problems to overcome, and when you say that somehow mine are bigger than yours, you're playing into part of what makes it hard for disabled people to be PEOPLE, and to be treated equally.
Furthermore, some disabled people aren't inspiring, they're assholes. Just because they're disabled doesn't mean they should get a pass for jerk behavior; yet I know people who won't take a person aside and say "hey, you're being an ass" because oh, poor disabled person, we can't be mean to them.
Newsflash: It isn't mean. It's being a friend. If you wouldn't give your able bodied friend a pass for whatever they did, DON'T DO IT TO THE CRIPPLE. You aren't doing them any favors. If they're an irredeemable jerk, well, you tried. But they might genuinely not know. A lot of mental issues manifest in people not getting that their behavior was inappropriate, and you taking that person aside and saying "that behavior wasn't cool" can make a huge difference in their life.
Plus, when you start talking about how "inspirational" disabled people are, you play into the "pain olympics," because you make disabled people's pain "bigger" than other people's. Are you saying that somehow what I do to get through my life is more important or inspiring than [friend's] struggle to regain his health after heart surgery?
They are two different things. And there is no comparison. There is no need for comparing them. Both are rough to overcome, both are going to have long-lasting impacts on our lives, and both are crappy situations.
But there's also no need to say my pain is bigger, or worse, or more "inspiring" than another person with fibro's pain. Because we are different people, we experience pain differently. Pain isn't a zero-sum game. My pain doesn't invalidate someone else's, nor vice-versa.
And me being disabled doesn't give you the right to "other" me, to objectify me through some fairy-tale of how I overcame huge obstacles to have a normal life. It's a fairy tale. I don't overcome obstacles, I live my life. It's a pretty normal life, and I kinda like it.
But my situation doesn't make me a special snowflake, worthy of pedestals and chest-beating.
I would rather be inspiring for what I DO, not something that's a circumstance that happened to me. And I think that's how most disabled people feel.
Though, if you can give me magic powers through your fairy-tale idea of me, you go right ahead and do that. ;)
***
And my own reply with rant:
THANK YOU. FUCK YES.
Also, that poster with the skating guy and the little girl where they both have amputated legs and are skating on... what are those? Converted hockey sticks? And it says "The Only Disability In Life Is A Bad Attitude." - Scott Hamilton (I think the guy is Hamilton? I don't know). And I FUCKING RAGE every time I see it.
My friends tell me how powerful I am, how much they feel inspired by my ability to just fucking LIVE MY LIFE alongside all my various disabilities. That's cool. It's not the disability that inspires them; it's the person making the disabilities work with life. Good. Excellent. I want people to see me like that. I want people to say, "Hey, awesome, she does stuff and works with her disabilities to compensate and compromise everything. She is strong because she has to be. I like that. Go her!" They never say, "Aww, look at her, doing stuff despite being disabled... isn't she amazing? I'm so proud and inspired!" Because, ugh. And they all agree. My friends are awesome. Also they don't put up with my shit, because I am human and I make mistakes and we laugh at my slip-ups, because being disabled means being able to laugh at yourself.
I am able to maneuver around my chronic illnesses and find ways around my limitations, rather than trying to push myself to my limits or smash through my limits - which is another bullshit thing. "The only limitations you have are in your mind!" followed by "Tee hee!" And FUCK THAT. I can raise my limits and keep reaching for them. I can find ways to circumvent those limits. But I fucking have my limits, assholes. Shut the fuck up.
Those who know and love me love me for ME, not the fascination of my disability. I am not some fairy tale ideal creature to strive for. I am a gods damn CRIPPLE. I am nobody's hero. I am a fucking gimp. I am a person, a disabled person, a person with disabilities, living my life, not actually caring about how what I do affects non-disabled people. So people can shut up and leave me alone.
I mean, unless I ask for help when my disabilities make it hard for me to do something. And even then, they are not allowed to think of me as inspirational. I am not a Hallmark card. I can be an asshole. I am HUMAN. Quit staring at me with stars in your eyes.
So, yeah... ;-)
Ahhh. I feel better now.
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no subject
Date: 2013-02-07 09:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-07 06:05 pm (UTC)I now remember seeing cheetah legs on some para-athlete runners. And WHOA they could run. Because they had the damn expensive cheetah legs. Is there an actual term for those? I don't want to keep calling them "converted hockey sticks" (but I'll keep calling them "cheetah legs prosthetics").
Have you heard about the guy who got new arms from a cadaver? I'm unsure about nerve hook-ups, but I think at one point he could twitch the fingers.
no subject
Date: 2013-02-07 06:07 pm (UTC)http://www.ossur.com/?PageID=13462
Heh, Blade Runner.
They still look like hockey sticks...