Right Now

Couldn't sleep. Sorry. Back to bed soon.
It wasn't pain this time, just spasticity. Although really it's all relative.
Also, my mind refused to quiet down.
Right now, a main thought is: "But why do you think Joss Whedon is a misogynist? That's a very heavy word. Don't throw it around unless you mean it." I do not want to get into any debates about this; it was just something I found in a forum comment that I disagreed with completely. And yet, naturally that OCD part of me didn't let it rest. This made me smile, though. (And I'm not even part of any Whedon fandom anymore.)
Right now, another main thought is: "You know, when I get my book published, I should keep a scorecard to see how many readers complain about things. Because you can't create something without someone somewhere hating it. Doesn't matter what it is. Paintings. Stories. Architecture. Books. Sculpture. Movies. Television shows. Biological offspring. Someone will hate what you do. Someone will hate you. Someone will call you horrible names, accuse you of doing horrible things, and all the while you sit there thinking, What? What the hell? What does that even mean? That's never what I intended! And the funny thing is, maybe you didn't intend it, but you could have done it without realizing or understanding. Subconscious. Complete innocent ignorance. Seriously, you had no idea. Well, shit, now what? How do you fix it? Does it need fixing? How much should you care?
Right now, another main thought is: People have opinions about everything. Unfortunately, opinions have a habit of causing war. War sucks. I like peace. Can't always have peace, so compromise must be made. Except that people who are supposed to be adults are still acting like children. What happens then? Who gets to call a time out? Who gets to take away all the shiny toys and make everyone play nice?
We're going to destroy each other sooner than we think, I swear.

Right. Back to sleep.

Also, Luna moaned in her sleep again. I wonder what cats have nightmares about? Probably nothing like what we humans create.

Still Raining.

Yay, feeling like shit! Best way to start a Monday.

There was a dream last night that was bizarre enough to stick in my memory long enough for me to write it down:
I was a guest at an opulent mansion owned by a Spanish man who turned out to be a serial rapist. The scene very quickly went from me stumbling into a torture session to me stumbling out of the mansion and into the night in a torn red dress with tears and mascara running down my face, with my entire body feeling bruised and beaten. The man was suddenly at my side, lifting me into a cream-colored Lexus Hybrid and whispering things to me. He handed me a huge shopping bag full of new clothes, said he was "very sorry for what happened" and told me to drive away and never come back. In real life, I don't have a driver's license and have a phobia about driving. In the dream, I got behind the wheel and began to drive, barely aware of myself. It was pure instinct. In real life, I do technically know how to drive, since I took lessons and remember those lessons well enough. My mind remembered. But I was completely detached. There was suddenly a golden Labrador Retriever in the car with me. Her name was Molly. I realized she had been with me the entire time.
And then, as I turned onto a busy, snow-covered highway, my husband was in the passenger seat, telling me it was all going to be all right. He put his hand over my right hand, which was gripping the steering wheel too tightly. He kissed my cheek and leaned into me for a long time, murmuring things to comfort me. I asked him if we could trade seats, because I was weaving around Mack trucks and changing lanes with no clue how and I was terrified. He said that Molly needed food and a bathroom break anyway. I pulled into the parking lot of a shopping center. We went into an organic supermarket with Molly after letting her go by a tree. The staff gave Molly some water and a bite of kibble, and we bought groceries, including canned dog food and dry dog food.
I had at some point changed into one of the outfits from the shopping bag. Everything -- the silk t-shirt, the dark blue jeans, the low-heeled mid-calf boots, even the silk underwear -- was designer, but I didn't know the brands. I had also washed up and applied new makeup, leaving out the mascara.
We went back out and put everything in the trunk. Adam turned to me and pulled me close and I began to cry. He whispered, "If I see that man again, I will kill him. I'm so sorry I wasn't there in time. I love you. You're everything to me. Don't worry, everything will be all right."
Adam and I continued driving with him at the wheel. Once we reached a woody area with a large cabin, Adam helped me into the cabin, carrying several bags, backpacks, and duffel bags. Apparently we were going to stay there for a while. As the door closed behind us and Adam turned on the main light, I woke up.

Currently, I'm reading both Brom's The Child Thief and Jim Butcher's Changes and also writing the next chapter in my own book, and trying to feel better.

Everybody Loves You, Everybody Hates You.

http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogwriting/achieve-your-writing-goals-e-book/

I love the awesome chapter titles. I'm currently mired in 1.2, 1.3, 2.4, and 3.1 -- and it is not getting much better.

Also, I refuse to put anything on my "muse" because I don't want to start sounding like Laurell K. Hamilton, who never owns up to anything and always blames her damn muse. I want to be a grown-up writer, you know?

I did say I was a polytheist

Dear Invisible Pink Unicorn, Great Pumpkin, Dragon In My Garage, and Flying Spaghetti Monster: Please, please combine your powers and help me find a new job. Or an agent. Or both. Both would be nice. But you know what would be fantastic? Me finishing this futuristic fantasy book that has been growing for a decade. It's a lot to ask, probably. And I'm not even going to mention the cerebral palsy, fibromyalgia, and epilepsy, because nobody can make those go away.

I miss working a full time salaried job. Job hunting is frustrating as always, nobody seems to want me, and the interviews I do get never seem to go anywhere. They say the job economy is picking up. They say to look for the signs. I just see rain outside my window.