bisexuality

[brightlotusmoon]

Last night I had a dream in which Charlotte and I slept together for the first time, and I now recall a coversation she and I had a few months ago, about being a bisexual woman married to a man. I think I'm pondering on it because I was reading several messages on forums by lesbians, who feel that bisexuals are stupid, disgusting people, that bisexuality is stupid, that you should be attracted to either men or women but not both, etc. And of course my first thought was, You yourselves face constant discrimination for being lesbians, yet you so readily and happily strike down bisexual women because they like men as well as women? What the bloody fuck is wrong with you people?

It's just... bizarre. So bizarre. And so inane. I didn't even realize I was bisexual until long after Adam and I started dating -- he was the one who encouraged me. We even had a rule that if I ever did want to have sex with a woman, he'd allow it as long as he knew the details. And so far, I have only kissed and groped, and only a few very close female friends, two of whom I love dearly. Charlotte was the very first, however. But she and I have been friends for as long as I have been with Adam; she and Billy were dating around the same time. Billy and Adam are perfectly fine with our potential sexual feelings, and often jokingly encourage it.

The day I was reading up on Billie Piper, I came across an image of her wearing a white tank top and white panties. I pointed to it, looked at my husband and said, "I want that. All wrapped up in green and red ribbons with whipped cream." And he happily agreed.
I am often the first to point out a beautiful woman; I don't get jealous when he does. I believe this is a healthy thing for our relationship. The fact that I like women's bodies as much as he does makes it fun to stare together.

I just... I just wish I understood why the hell bisexuality is viewed as "wrong" by some members of the gay community, as much as it is by straight homophobics.

Comments

Interesting point

[todabrilla.livejournal.com]

I don't understand it either, but I have noticed from time to time very strident remarks disparaging both bisexuals and closeted homosexuals made by a few members of the gay and lesbian community. I don't know how widespread this is. Like all cases of obnoxious loud mouths they probably have an impact out of proportion to their numbers. But it is definitely there as a weird mirror to the lack of understanding of heterosexuals. I came up with a lot of guesses just now 1) maintaining group identity (especially in a minority), like the strict Jewish traditions against marrying outside the group to make a clearly defined group 2) anger at perceived hypocrisy and the impurity of half-measures, like some modern day Torquemada (who was probably more zealous with the Inquisition because he was of Jewish family) 3) a kind of peer pressure, I notice that some folks have a competitive bend and a need to prove oneself in the new group they've selected for themselves, and 4) annoyance with the stereotype of men fantasizing about lesbians as if they were bisexual. In any event it certainly fits the human desire to dichotomize what is in fact a spectrum.

Re: Interesting point

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

I love it when you debate like a college professor.

Re: Interesting point

[todabrilla.livejournal.com]

Who me? ;)

[lucid-phantasm.livejournal.com]

I know, it's awful, in fact I just had a new girl that I started dating completely break it off with me entirely because I am bisexual, there's nothing at all wrong with. :(

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

That's horrible! *hugs* I'm really so surprised that this happens so readily...

[wishkey.livejournal.com]

That sucks. She makes it sound like it's your fault, but it's her hangup. Sorry that happened to you!

[fyremoon.livejournal.com]

Is this the same with gay men and bisexuals, or is this just a female thing?

If someone is married and has a relationship with another sexual partner, its still adultery unless there is an agreement made, such as in a polyamorous relationship.

I can't see how anyone can see a sexual act as stupid, wrong or disgusting any more than their own sexual acts. It all comes down to jealousy at the end of the day, really.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that some gay men would harbor similar prejudices against bisexual men. I have even listened to gay men talk about how "stupid" bisexuality is. But I also think women tend to be more... jealous, in terms of their sexuality, on a broader basis. Does that make sense?

I definitely agree that engaging in a sexual relationship with someone outside your marriage is cheating, unless there is an agreement made (like between me and Adam). I'm not polyamorous, because I can't see myself settling into any sexual relationship besides with him. However, if and when I do decide that I want to have sex with another woman, either as a one time deal or on a semi regular basis, I would absolutely discuss it with my husband -- there are bounderies, after all; this is a marriage. We once even had a long talk about what might happen if one of us cheated. And he assured me that if -- if -- I did cheat, he would still love me and still want me. I felt the same. But still, I feel there must, beyond anything, be that mutual agreement. If there isn't, it really is just cheating.

I think it is jealousy; I think you're right. Having one's cake and eating it too, so to speak. A bisexual person enjoys both penises and vaginas and makes no qualms about it, and I can see where that could lead to jealousy.

[rhiannons-rose.livejournal.com]

I agree, lesbians tend to have more angry feelings about men than gay men have about women.

stoopid lezbians.

[wishkey.livejournal.com]

Seriously, those are the stupid ones. the ones who found the other stupid ones so they could band together to feel justifiy in their incredibly bigoted opinion. Yeah, they are entitled to their opinion, but my opinion is they are stupid. And they really screw things up for the rest of the women, who have brains.

Being bi is often a case of being rejected by 100% of the available partners. Many straits and gays do not trust bi's, because they think fear bisexuals are promiscuous (no more than anyone else) and unable to be faithful. We all know that is bullshit, because we've seen both straights and gays being sluts and cheats (Purchase was such an education...but I digress.).

I think there are lots of people who need everything to be black and white, up or down, polar extremes for them to understand thing. If something enters their world is mixed, blended, half-and-half, sorta-kinda, slightly, shaded, striped or dotted -- then their heads explode. I feel sympathy and pity for them, because their world must look like a coloring book with all those lines demarcating all the different flavors of our existance.

I don't often discuss being bi, because I usually encounter the, "how can you..." crap you speak of. It's not a matter of being in the closet; it's a matter of just not wanting to deal with the idiots anymore. So I figure it's between me and whoever I am snogging at the time.

(Billie Piper is quite yummy.)

Re: stoopid lezbians.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

I am sincerely glad I chose SUNY Purchase as my college. It honestly was one of the best social educations I ever got, both good and bad.

[sidheblessed.livejournal.com]

I'm bisexual too. I've known since I got a massive crush on Drew Barrymore at the age of 17. Go you!

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

I still think Drew Barrymore is one of the cutest -- truly cutest -- women in the world. She hasn't changed a wink in twenty-five years.

[greensh.livejournal.com]

In the past I found similar bias in the male homosexual community. The mindset seems to be that you're defective if you not completely one way or another. I am reminded of the Bible passage about being luke warm. The world seems to adhor luke-warmness.

Geezimpete. How does this fall in with the theory that we're all homosexual (attracted to the same sex) in some small amount? Some people are much more attracted than others.

[heartgut.livejournal.com]

This is called "Others Othering another." I think it's a way that people develop a sense of community (even though it's a particularly unsavory practice)-- through excluding Others. It's peculiar that this behavior happens among people who have been excluded by a broader community, but the act seems to carry some weird sense of power.

... What drives me crazy is that sexuality is so personal and subjective; criticizing someone's attraction to others is just... smarmy, among other things.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

I think you hit it on the head -- being excluded carries a weird sense of power, allowing some people, in their minds, to exert power and control over things they don't understand, because they have lost that larger sense of power and control to the "majority" around them, so to speak; they need to feel "bigger, better" than someone else...

I love whom I love. I am who I am. That is all. That is all that should ever be.

Thanks for the perspective. :)

[heartgut.livejournal.com]

I do what I can ;)