ghost returned, spirit revived
Feb. 6th, 2008 06:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightlotusmoonhttp://shiefox.livejournal.com/61880.html (go easy on him; he's severely dyslexic)
According to my husband, Ghost the car has been fixed and he'll have her back tonight, thank the gods.
I didn't quite realize the serious complications my epilepsy could pose if something were to happen. Adam makes a good point -- and a scary one. What if, what if, what if. I will have to write a living will eventually. My husband is the one I trust to make any decisions that I would not be able to make for myself. This does frighten me, my health problems frighten me. All I can do is be strong, and keep telling everyone that I am okay. Really, I am okay. This is why I see doctors and am on a treatment plan.
My left leg is much better. The muscles are no longer loose or relaxed, instead back to the cerebral palsy trap of clench and spasm. This is all right with me. I wouldn't know what to do if I became "normal" anyway.
However my left foot is another story. Adam can't quite heal my brain, but he's been able to... repair things, little things. Energy, electricity, heat, something. He channels it and directs it. I think something happened. I think a new neural pathway was carved, a new connection made. My foot is no longer automatically supinating. It's actually moving like a normal foot moves. I don't know how to walk like that. I keep stumbling. It hurts to walk like this, but something in my brain is insistent. I am now consciously turning the foot in as I step. I don't know if this will last, how long it will last. It probably won't last. Nothing "cures" cerebral palsy.
My emotions are intense. I want to cry, scream, gibber, rock back and forth, beat something. Maybe it's the weather. Several of my friends have been commenting that this weather has been dragging old emotions, old memories, to the surface. Intensity. Frailty.
An interesting side effect of this overload is that I haven't been in any fibro pain since I woke up. Not yet.
By the way: If you don't believe me about the energy channeling, it's okay. I never ask anyone to. It's just something I strongly believe in. Energy comes in many forms, anyway. It's everywhere, after all.
According to my husband, Ghost the car has been fixed and he'll have her back tonight, thank the gods.
I didn't quite realize the serious complications my epilepsy could pose if something were to happen. Adam makes a good point -- and a scary one. What if, what if, what if. I will have to write a living will eventually. My husband is the one I trust to make any decisions that I would not be able to make for myself. This does frighten me, my health problems frighten me. All I can do is be strong, and keep telling everyone that I am okay. Really, I am okay. This is why I see doctors and am on a treatment plan.
My left leg is much better. The muscles are no longer loose or relaxed, instead back to the cerebral palsy trap of clench and spasm. This is all right with me. I wouldn't know what to do if I became "normal" anyway.
However my left foot is another story. Adam can't quite heal my brain, but he's been able to... repair things, little things. Energy, electricity, heat, something. He channels it and directs it. I think something happened. I think a new neural pathway was carved, a new connection made. My foot is no longer automatically supinating. It's actually moving like a normal foot moves. I don't know how to walk like that. I keep stumbling. It hurts to walk like this, but something in my brain is insistent. I am now consciously turning the foot in as I step. I don't know if this will last, how long it will last. It probably won't last. Nothing "cures" cerebral palsy.
My emotions are intense. I want to cry, scream, gibber, rock back and forth, beat something. Maybe it's the weather. Several of my friends have been commenting that this weather has been dragging old emotions, old memories, to the surface. Intensity. Frailty.
An interesting side effect of this overload is that I haven't been in any fibro pain since I woke up. Not yet.
By the way: If you don't believe me about the energy channeling, it's okay. I never ask anyone to. It's just something I strongly believe in. Energy comes in many forms, anyway. It's everywhere, after all.
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no subject
Date: 2008-02-07 09:17 pm (UTC)