The Return To Innocence

The migraine that began happening an hour ago has retreated somewhat, wounded, and will most likely attempt to sneak back into my fortress after I have slept and woken. That happens. It is life.
I cannot win, most days. But I try. Oh, yes. I keep wanting to curl up and sob and scream (with my fist lodged in my mouth, because my mouth is warm and my fingers are frozen from a flare-up of Raynaud's, after all). I want to lay down and forget and let the agony take me out to sea. But I remind myself that I can only do that for so long before the rest of me demands more troops, more fighting, more battle cries and shining steel and willow trees (bend, not break). So it goes.
Many people do not believe in aromatherapy, or herbal therapy, or massage therapy, or pressure point therapy, or in anything that does not involve FDA approval, prescriptions, and physician referrals. I do. I believe hard. Perhaps that is why they all work well on me. Or perhaps they really truly do things for some people, damn all the studies that claim to prove otherwise. I do not know. But every time I inhale my essential oil blend (rose, neroli, lotus, frankincense, helichrysum, chamomile), every time I massage that oil into my scalp and face and hands and feet and pressure points, I feel something. I do not care what they say. It keeps me sane, I suppose.
I will go to bed and hope to dream well. I will be a willow tree and just keep going.
I wish I had more to say here. There is so much more I want to say and too much pain to fight through. But the pain will end soon. It always does, before it returns.

The actor who will play the eleventh Doctor Who has been announced.
I won't mention his name -- not just because of the spoiler, but because I have no idea who he is. But his photos look Doctor-y. He's very young, though. We'll see.

Also, people on the internet need to STOP putting apostrophes in plural words. I am now seeing it in public. Signs, for example, especially restaurant menus. I don't know how it started, but it's insane. For fuck's sake, people, not every plural word has an apostrophe. Stop it. *screams, tears hair*

I am in slightly less pain. As in, not wanting to scream, not taking baby steps, not gasping pitiably while shifting position. I haven't bruised from my fall, but I ache. My shoulders, too, are throbbing.
Interestingly enough, my new beloved Stone Mountain purse doesn't strain my shoulder or arm as much as my former handbags did. I wonder if that is because the size and depth of the purse redistributes the weight of the stuff inside. There's just more room for my "everything but the sink" purse mentality. Luckily this purse will last me years and years. I remember someone once compared the life of a Stone Mountain purse to that of a house cat.
I may or may not take a Soma later, depending on how the pain is. In the meantime, I took some Cat's Claw, MSM, Hyaluronic Acid, and Cayenne. Also, I have acai blueberry juice. I've been doing squats and lunges in front of the TV, and I've done a few moves that my Pilates book says is Pilates (because the yoga book didn't have them).

I also took a deep, long inhale from the bottle of Sun Protective Lotion and from the bottle of Psyche Goddess Lotion. Aromatherapy, you see. Helichrysum, Pink Lotus, Bali Jasmine, Lavender, Cedarwood, Chamomile, Rose, Orchid, Neroli. Anti-stress, anti-anxiety, pain-relieving.

Random question: On Saturdays, what time is your mail usually delivered? I don't mind the walks back and forth to the community mailboxes, but I'd like to have a general time, you know?

The pain wouldn't stop.

I finally remembered Vicki's magic Sun Protective Lotion in my purse. The lotion with the extraordinary aromatherapeutic effect. I slathered it all over my hands and wrists and arms and took several deep yoga breaths, fully inhaling the essential oil blend of Pink Lotus, Jasmine Sambac, Helichrysum Italicum, Lavender, Roman Chamomile, and Cedarwood. It didn't take long. The vicious migraine started to fade within ten minutes. My boss caught the scent and asked about it, which led to a discussion about the underestimated healing powers of essential oils.

Only echoes of pain now; the intensity is gone.

I've stopped clenching my jaw.

I feel like I've stepped through the mists of another place, a tranquil place. I will stay there for a while.

I'm getting back into the hobby of aromatherapy. I've noticed that my sense of smell has gotten quirky and oversensitive. I have become much too sensitive to the strong chemical smells in most of the aftershaves and colognes that my husband and roommate use. I find that my nose becomes clogged, my eyes start watering, and my head starts pounding. When Adam was in the body care aisle of the grocery store a couple of weeks ago, he asked me to pick out a deodorant for him. I chose the one with the least fragrance. I stopped wearing perfume months ago, and now only apply lotions that have natural essential oils. Actual flower and plant essences work better for me than synthetics.

Even the plants and flowers can have weird effects. A few days ago, Vicki sent me a bottle of Sun Protective Lotion. At first sniff, all I could smell was exotic tropical beach, and something that always makes me think of commercial suntan lotions. I wasn't sure I liked it. I put it in the bedroom's mini-fridge and left it overnight. The next day, the scent was more pleasing. I still couldn't figure out why I smelled beaches, so I emailed Vicki and asked her what the specific essential oils were. When the list came back, I smacked my forehead and said, "Aha! Balinese Jasmine! That's it!"
Jasmine is one of those weird EOs for me. The effects are profoundly soothing, tranquilizing, sedative, meditative, dreamlike. Yet the scent itself is almost too intense; heady and thick and richly sweet. It's not an oil I am used to. In this lotion, there is also Lotus, which also has a rich, thick, exotic, sweet floral scent, an intense scent. A blend of Jasmine and Lotus together pack this crazy punch in my brain that makes me think of meditating in a tropical place under the blazing sun, as well as having vision quests in the Far East. It sparks something deep and fantastic in my brain, touches on a state of euphoria that is very calm and soft and gentle and flowing. I've rubbed some of the lotion into my hands, having inhaled its scent for the past two hours, and I have noticed that I don't feel the fibro flare's pain as much as before. Like I just took a heavy prescription painkiller. I feel ultimately relaxed and serene and happy. And relatively free of pain. I can smell the other EOs now: Helichrysum and chamomile and lavender, and a touch of cedarwood. All very relaxing scents.
So this is a very good thing after all. A lotion that produces a fragrance that makes my brain think that my body is not in pain.
Maybe eventually, aromatherapy will be used more often in pain management.