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brightlotusmoonToday is...
I mean...
I guess I'm not feeling...
Oh hell, I can say it now, right? I got a fucking medical diagnosis now, right?
I feel depressed. Also anxious. Also, it's nothing new.
I used to think that saying "I feel depressed" without having medical depression was a bad thing for me to say, because there are millions of actually medically depressed people out there who would laugh in my face. But now that I admit to being one of them, what do I say?
Today, I see my first psychotherapist. She's not just any therapist; she specializes in chronic pain and illness, so our sessions will focus on how fibromyalgia and all my other disabilities are affecting my mental and emotional and spiritual states. Mom will pay the bill for that. She really wants to help me as much as possible. She suspected I was depressed and physically full of pain as a child but wasn't certain until now.
I hate the stigma of psychotherapy. I hate when people say that therapy is bullshit and therapists don't actually want to help you. Then again, the people who say that never did find therapists who worked for them. Or doctors. Or they just gave up on themselves.
Tomorrow, I see the neurologist. I'd like to try taking the antidepressant Zoloft instead of Savella. Zoloft seems interesting. It's been prescribed off-label for fibromyalgia, as well as other physical pain issues, plus OCD and anxiety and fatigue. My family doctor approves my asking the neurologist about switching from Savella to Zoloft, and I can ask either doctor to prescribe the Zoloft.
I honestly don't know what the Savella is doing. I thought I did. I've been living this way for so long that I can't even tell what makes me happy anymore. I thought I already was happy.
I feel like I can't find the energy to even socialize properly right now, not even online. Writing emails or comments makes me tired. I really do need these doctors. I wish more people were not so ashamed of themselves. Gods forbid they actually find the help they need and start feeling better, right? Help is a good thing. Makes you strong.
I mean...
I guess I'm not feeling...
Oh hell, I can say it now, right? I got a fucking medical diagnosis now, right?
I feel depressed. Also anxious. Also, it's nothing new.
I used to think that saying "I feel depressed" without having medical depression was a bad thing for me to say, because there are millions of actually medically depressed people out there who would laugh in my face. But now that I admit to being one of them, what do I say?
Today, I see my first psychotherapist. She's not just any therapist; she specializes in chronic pain and illness, so our sessions will focus on how fibromyalgia and all my other disabilities are affecting my mental and emotional and spiritual states. Mom will pay the bill for that. She really wants to help me as much as possible. She suspected I was depressed and physically full of pain as a child but wasn't certain until now.
I hate the stigma of psychotherapy. I hate when people say that therapy is bullshit and therapists don't actually want to help you. Then again, the people who say that never did find therapists who worked for them. Or doctors. Or they just gave up on themselves.
Tomorrow, I see the neurologist. I'd like to try taking the antidepressant Zoloft instead of Savella. Zoloft seems interesting. It's been prescribed off-label for fibromyalgia, as well as other physical pain issues, plus OCD and anxiety and fatigue. My family doctor approves my asking the neurologist about switching from Savella to Zoloft, and I can ask either doctor to prescribe the Zoloft.
I honestly don't know what the Savella is doing. I thought I did. I've been living this way for so long that I can't even tell what makes me happy anymore. I thought I already was happy.
I feel like I can't find the energy to even socialize properly right now, not even online. Writing emails or comments makes me tired. I really do need these doctors. I wish more people were not so ashamed of themselves. Gods forbid they actually find the help they need and start feeling better, right? Help is a good thing. Makes you strong.
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Re: You know...
Date: 2011-05-16 04:30 pm (UTC)