The Return To Innocence

Oh, dear. I'm starting to think Luna is sort of... scared... of Callisto. The kitten dashed out of her room, ran into the bedroom, leapt onto the dresser where Luna was eating, got nose to nose with Luna, and Luna hissed, bapped the kitten, snarled - and ran under the bed. I'm not sure how to process that. Under the bed?

And here's the funny thing: Callisto is so active, excited, and energetic that I may just nickname her Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash. She dashed from room to room with amazing enthusiasm. She has no idea how to work the stairs yet; she managed a couple before getting confused and weirded out, and rushed back up.

My big concern is Luna and Jupiter. While Jupiter is just hissing and backing off, Luna is hissing, smacking and snort-snarling and running away. This really needs to last several days, this isolation. I'm pleased that Callisto enjoys the other rooms and appears to be... if not fearless, then at least confidant and assertive. But Luna hiding under the bed because of a kitten? That's a tad odd...

But no matter what, this little gorgeous mixed tabby Egyptian-Abyssinian girl with the golden jade eyes is definitely my kitty.

Back pain back pain back pain backpain backpain backpain NNNGGHH.
It's the lumbar area, leading to sciatica down both legs. Of course, you know? I've got an appointment with my new orthopedist on January sixth, and we're going to get be fitted for true customized orthotics... although I am going to insist they be cushioned, if not highly comfortable. The ones I had as a teenager actually made my feet hurt whilst walking. I still have the left one from those days. It is not comfortable. I understand practicality and function, but still.
Nnngh. Back, hips, legs, knees, ankles. Come on, drugs, work faster.

When we came home from grocery shopping, I looked up at the stairs and whispered, "Mama's home, Rose." I had meant it merely for her memory, for her spirit that now lived in the house, free to leave the clay statue that was a vessel, as Adam had not bound her to it. Adam said, "She's still gone, sweetheart." And I knew, and I reminded him that it was just... oh, I couldn't even find the words. It was just for her ghost. But he knew. We held each other and he knew.

My friends have cried for me, I think, more than I've cried for myself. I will have pockets of moments in which I will break down in gasping sobs, but they are so quick and triggered. A brush that had moved through her fur while I was comforting her in her lethargy, before I understood what was really happening, tufts of fur clinging to the bristles that I may not remove for a while. My pillow, and the soft bean-bag type pillow behind it that served as a general cat pillow but which was generally used by Rose especially in the mornings. A bag of Greenies treats that I realized I no longer had to move to a high place where Rose couldn't grab it and tear into it. Sitting in this desk chair, now, and knowing that Rose will never jump onto my lap and rub her cheeks over my mouth. She will not curl up on the floor, waiting for me to announce that Mama is going to bed so she can lead me there and see me to sleep. Oh. Yes, I'm in tears now. Oh, babygirl. Luna is on my lap now, kissing me, nuzzling. In her own Luna way.

We will be adopting another cat. Yes. It may be sooner than anyone thinks. I've already dreamed of her. I've already named her. I already know her age range. But... you know, someones through the grief and the numbness and the deep deep shock and the horror of physical death, we know deep deep inside that even if it takes only a week or two to get another pet, it is nothing like a replacement. It just means that the throbbing empty hollow burning in our hearts might start to heal, just a little. Luna is still my heart and soul, my queen and my moon goddess, my precious love. Jupiter is still my beautiful big boy, my chatty feline child who brightens my day just by smiling. The new kitten, the new young cat, will never be Rose. She will be herself.
Rose is never coming back, not even in a new incarnation. I'm not even sure I want that; it might hurt too deeply. Rose herself was already the reincarnation of Adam's patchwork dog, Ralph. Rose spent five glorious years learning to love and be loved. In Buddhism, that is a vital thing. All animals understand this. It is slightly Jainist. Adam and I, in our eclectic paganism, are mildly Buddhist in various, often conflicting, ways. It is not possible for us to be fully Buddhist in any way, but eclecticism is a wide arena.

"Life is a journey.
Death is a return to earth.
The universe is like an inn.
The passing years are like dust.
Regard this phantom world
As a star at dawn, a bubble in a stream,
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp - a phantom - and a dream"

I spoke to Karen. She wants to do only a phone interview. All it will entail is details about what will happen when I sign the cat adoption contract, how much I will need to pay, etc. I will call her to actually start the interview later this afternoon.
*is happy*
*dances*

Also? We now have a nice dusting of powdery snow.
Dear people: Learn to fucking drive. There were absolutely no issues. A mere dusting means you can still actually put your foot on the gas pedal. It's the one on the right.

Adam took me and Puff to the vet; I have the new rabies shot certificate. Now, all that has to happen is Jupiter's vaccinations. Adam is willing to take him tomorrow to the Banfield in Germantown, to a walk-in vaccination clinic between certain hours. That's all the shelter would need, then.
I apologize for the apparent ignorance and irritation in the last post. This is my first time adopting a pet, and I honestly did not realize it had to be so detailed and specific and exact. I am very glad for it, though -- better that then they just handing over the animals to anyone...

Adam is sober now, and has made a pizza for lunch. I covered him with kisses after learning that he would take Jupiter to Banfield tomorrow. He is a good, good man. Jason is in class right now, but when he comes home we will tell him; it just leaves one less thing for him to do, and hopefully it will lessen his stress a little.
I just want my friends to be happy and not-stressed...