The Return To Innocence

How it all began:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151013741440684&l=48f6e7bcb2
Click on the '1 Share' button to see comments that inspired the title of Peaceful Dragon.

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***
Now I am too exhausted to... what was I saying?
I'm going to bed now.

Also, someone just called me a "Mediterranean Warrior Fae with coffee cognac amber eyes." That makes me feel happy, and also strengthened.
***
Today is a day of pain too extreme for mere words.

But that's why my favorite eyeshadow is called Psychedelic Sister.

My mind has special places in which I can safely lose myself during transcendental meditation, in which my imagination and sensory perceptions can be shaped, molded, and altered bit by bit to work alongside damaged neural pathways, to become fully psychoactive on my own, through my own private power.

This will take years beyond years, but I have eternity in the spirit world. Sometimes my senses are surrounded by and colored in various shades of purple, with color shifts, duochrome shimmers, and iridescent glimmers of every color I can think of.

I know Psychedelic Sister is just the name of a shimmery deep amethyst cosmetic pigment, but it has a special meaning. Just like various other eyeshadows.

Urban Decay
Loaded: Deep metallic emerald
Evidence: Shimmery deep navy blue
Hijack: Deep metallic teal
Lost: Medium metallic brown
Snakebite: Shimmery dark bronze
Shattered: Shimmery gold turquoise
YDK: Shimmery cool bronze
S&M: Shimmery steel gray taupe
Midnight Rodeo: Glittery silver taupe
Maui Wowie: Metallic golden beige
Last Call: Metallic sugar plum
Darkhorse: Shimmery deep mocha
Half Baked: Shimmery golden bronze

Too Faced
Midnight Mist: Midnight Sapphire Violet Duotone
Poison Orchid: Midnight Amethyst Gray Duotone
Firefly: Shimmery Antique Gold
Petals To The Metal: Metallic Brown Blue Duotone
Violet Femme: Shimmery Lavender Gold Duotone
Enchanted Garden: Golden Espresso Duotone

Maybelline Color Pearls Marbleized
Downtown Denim
Persuasive Plum
Lawless Lavender
Navy Narcissist

It really is amazing and powerful to me, how color can help alter the way I see myself. The instant I apply concealer or foundation, it begins.
Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation in Shade 2.0
It Cosmetics Bye Bye Concealer in Light
Lauren Brooke Creme Concealer in Warm Light
Lauren Brooke Creme Foundation in Warm 2
CoverGirl Olay Tone Rehab Foundation in Classic Ivory
Raesin Images Creme Foundation in Linen 2
Korres Quercetin Oak Concealer in Fair

Obviously this is a lot, but my memory is quietly being gently destroyed bit by tiny bit. I always write everything down. All it matters is that I can alter my palette constantly and see myself in new colors, in new ways, every day. I am art.
***
In the lair of the Peaceful Dragon.
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151018197555684.415074.640545683&type=1&l=74078a637b
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151018374415684&l=99512fe686
Filled with strong colors and shiny things.
***
Thing I have most recently learned about myself: When I am having a pleasant conversation on Facebook about something enjoyable regarding a status or a photo, I should feel absolutely no remorse in deleting critical, snide, or rude comments that have nothing to do with the conversation. I have learned that if I really want a critical opinion, I would be happy to privately message the critic and figure out why they decided to be critical in the first place. I like learning new things about myself!
***
Stupid news: Having a temperature over 99.1 and being ragey over ridiculous whims of ridiculous body and ridiculous brain.
Fuck It news: Planning the weekend no matter what. Peaceful Mediterranean Fae Dragon Warrior is fucking peaceful, damn it.
Really Fucked Up news: Actually literally being too weak to finish editing these fiction stories or do anything but limp and stumble.

Time to crawl into bed and rage against the dying of the light so hard that in every dimension beyond this one I erupt into a wild flare and shine brighter than a fucking supernova - until every spirit, alien, and interdimensional entity all rush to gather around, break out the sunglasses, and share popcorn.

Peacefully, that is.
***

I will be a good Mediterranean Dragon Princess. With many shiny things. Including coffee and chocolate and honey, and chocolate honey coffee.

I'm just going to put the masks back on and pretend that I'm a functioning human being today. We've got the migraine, the spastic hemiparesis, the hypertonia, the true muscle weakness, the chondromalacia, the joint pains, the fatigue, the brain fog, the pure exhaustion, the mild anomia, and the focus trouble - all from the postictal state. I've got all the remedies, but they will take a while, so I won't be going anywhere for a few hours. We'll see.
(NAC, DMAE, Tyrosine, CoQ10, Alpha Lipoic Acid, Yerba Mate, Sea Buckthorn, Moringa, MSM, Royal Jelly - alongside certain pharmaceuticals, of course.)

But I have dark chocolate containing crushed coffee beans, and many books, and Futurama whenever I want, and a word count to meet, and cats who love me; so things will get done. Even if I probably won't remember later.

Yay!

So. Homemade smoothie with frozen acai berry pulp, vanilla coconut milk, organic chocolate syrup, full leaf seabuckthorn green tea, cocoa powder, honey powder, and cinnamon - now with the addition of coffee and cream. I am awesome.

I've taken to adding a few drops of sea buckthorn oil to my daily water, just because. Also because I love watching the oil molecules dance around in the water as I shake the bottle, before settling at the top. Also it tastes really good. Also, it helps with acid reflux and stomach issues.

So, yeah, the crappy weather matches my feelings and pain levels. It's adorable.

I pulled several muscles in my left arm without doing anything. Yay! Also, the left arm and left leg are being stubbornly hypertonic and also spastic and don't like me anymore right now. Pain flares are awesome! All I can do for now is hold my arm against my body and only use it when I have to, until I can stretch it enough. That will probably happen tomorrow.

Cerebral palsy is a fucking bitch, but I know how to circumvent the minor annoyances it brings. Fibromyalgia on top of that is the flavorless icing on the unappetizing cake.

Netflix is entertaining me with Book Three of "Avatar: The Last Airbender." This is the season that has my top favorite episodes: Sokka's Master, The Puppetmaster, The Western Air Temple, The Firebeinding Masters, Sozin's Comet Part Four.

I currently have at least two people in high places helping me look for jobs. My fingers are crossed. I need to prepare thank you cards.

Nature's Promise natural chocolate chip cookies are fantastic. Nature's Promise is Giant's own brand of natural foods, so the products under that name run cheap.

I am craving a bacon cheeseburger right now.

Now my knees hurt. Stupid body. Feh.

I swear, the gods of chocolate love me and hate me at the same time...

Dark Chocolate with Goji Berry and Maca
Dark Chocolate with Acai and Yakon

I am so very tempted to run to Whole Foods tomorrow.
Maybe I should wait. Temptation can wait, right?
Right?
Right?

*fidget, whimper*

Oh, wow.
So, a couple of weeks ago Adam and I went shopping at Safeway and stopped at thecustom coffee section and made a finely ground blend: Kona, Mocha Java, and Dutch Chocolate. Today after coming home, I finally made a pot. I put some ice in a tall glass so I could have iced coffee. And then, after adding some half and half, I decided not to add sugar.
Instead, I added chocolate Ovaltine.
Oh, my gods, it is fantastic. There is so much chocolate.
When I'm at Starbucks, I'll order a double espresso, which they give to me in a short cup, eight ounces. Then I'll add tons of chocolate powder and some vanilla powder and cinnamon powder, and then milk. But this is better.
I think I have now spoiled myself when it comes to coffee.
This is the most awesome coffee ever.

Chocolate cravings may be a real gut feeling.

Now I can say, "But I need chocolate! My trillions of digestive bacteria demand it!"
And nobody wants to see trillions of bacteria get cranky. We wouldn't like them when they're cranky. Their numbers are in the trillions, after all.

I has chocolate now.

I has much chocolate.



I is happy.

On the way home from work I stopped and bought a bag of Hershey's Antioxidant Milk Chocolate, and a box of Dove Beyond Chocolate Chunk cookies. And when I got home, Adam told me he'd bought me a chocolate eclair ice cream bar.

For the past half hour, Lena and I have been gorging ourselves on fruit dipped in thick chocolate fondue. Red apples, green apples, strawberries, bananas, oranges.
There is so much fondue. I think we may have to invite people over just to consume it all.

There is so much chocolate in the house. Chocolate donuts. Miniature organic peanut butter cups. Milk chocolate giant bars. Truffles. Peanut butter cups, caramels, and truffles from a Dutch market. A whole chocolate truffle torte cake and a quarter of a three layer chocolate cake from the Dutch market. A pot of fondue. And, my gods, three Godiva Belgium Dark Chocolate Ice Cream Bars.

I am twitching. Happily.

The good news: It is no longer raining. In fact, the sun is out. The sun is shining very brightly, perhaps making up for the downpours. It may not last. We are supposed to keep getting rain for the rest of the week.

The bad news: Shortly after six in the morning, I heard a strange noise downstairs and went to the top of the stairs and started walking down. I slipped. I crashed down on the second step, slid hard down to the fourth step, and rammed my lower back into that harsh edge that makes a stair.
I did not make a sound, except for that one stunned scared exhalation at the very beginning when I wondered if I'd fall headfirst. I made my way back to my room, crawled into bed, got the phone, and called my boss and left a message. I took a few painkillers. I took some MSM. I propped a pillow under my knees and lay flat on my back. The sciatica was flaring, my lower back was on fire, my right knee was screaming. I went to sleep. I woke up three and a half hours later, with Tuesday sniffing my face. I was feeling better. Physically rather numb. The drugs were working. I tested -- I could bend at the knees just enough to pick up my laundry bag and take it downstairs. I dumped it into the washer and limped to the living room.

Now I'm on the couch with pillows propped up behind me. I made myself some bacon. I have chocolates with truffle filling. I also have a cup full of ice and a washcloth, to hold against the bruised area.
I want to vacuum the carpet later, so I'll wait to see what hurts when I'm ready.

And my bitten tongue still hurts, a little. I can't have orange juice, can I?