The Return To Innocence

You guys, I amaze myself. I've been writing helter skelter all over the place: Novel, stories, novellas, blogs, facebook, notebooks with various pens, everywhere... in the middle of a postictal migraine and insanely horrific agonizing chronic pain flare-up following recovery from a panic attack. If I didn't have a computer or paper I might write on the walls. I hurt so badly I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel half fire and half water. Wild and raging, and all I want is a crackling bonfire and a rushing river.
I doctored up a photo of myself and it came out half gold light and half blue light. It looks inhuman. But part of me adores it so much. My face is two different parts. I am two entities in one. When I burn, I am cool. When I am cool, I burn. It is ying yang, dragon phoenix, up and down, left and right, I don't even know. I don't speak out loud except to my cats, I just speak through Story. So much Story inside me.
That rock. That rock that my husband gave me, the rock that he held while standing in Room 217 of the Stanley Hotel, in which Stephen King wrote "The Stand" and used as an inspiration for "The Shining". That rock is still next to my laptop. I am covered in words. I am filled up with Words. I may disappear into Story. I may not even see the world until I have to.
Is this what it is like to live in the land of the Fae and then come back to the land of humans?



Maybe it was the super moon. Maybe it is the heat from the sun now. Maybe it is anything.

Adam took me to see Star Trek Into Darkness. IMAX 3D. (IMAX 3D somehow tasted like red push pins or thumb tacks. I don't make up these rules, I just synesthete them.)
I still stand by this previous observation:
http://brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com/1622478.html
However, having seen the thing (and giggled and eyerolled and also snickered during the famous "reverse radiation" scene) I can say that it really was enjoyable for what it was. A simple alternate universe Kirk era Star Trek with different stuff happening. Errors and complaints noted. Also, OW MY PHYSICS quite often. And also, Kirk's famous speech at the end and the nice segue into the original Star Trek theme was lovely, and I did clap a bit.
(I get that people were really outraged that Khan was played by a Caucasian British guy. Because Ricardo Montalban's Khan was a South Asian character played by a Latino actor. So, white actor = not a good idea. Lots of people wrote angry blog posts that basically all said... something something superhuman supremacist genetically perfect humans etc... I think? Or... or... migraine? I don't know, ow. I just know that Social Justice Issues Regarding Humans Versus Genetically Upgraded Superior Humans Versus Superior Humanoid Aliens Can Be Complicated.)
(Wait, wait. Also, what about the other 72 genetic upgrades? Especially since at the end, they were spoiler?)

Also, when we all got up to leave, my left side decided to show how hemiplegic it can get after three hours of IMAX 3D, and I dragged my left leg while clutching my purse handle in my left first which couldn't open, and Adam took my right hand and we walked slowly behind Charlotte and Billy until we got to the parking lot. While Adam stopped at Charlotte and Billy's car to chat, I hobbled to our car and got in and buckled in and waited for sensation and mobility to kick back in. It was better by the time we got home twenty minutes later. It took two full hours to really come back, and then it was like fire ants. I always hate that part.

Hemiplegia, hemiparesis, and hypertonia all at once sucks, guys. Try to avoid it.

Ah, a story to flesh out. With... help, maybe?
This is a story I've been tinkering with for a bit, which I put away for a bit, and I found it again, and and and I really want to continue it and finish it. Short story, novella, small novel, I don't know. Would someone be willing to help??

( Read more... )

How you know you can tolerate and love me:
Get comfortable and preferably join in while I watch the Futurama episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" on repeat while mouthing the dialogue, while I also wonder out loud what it must have been like for the actors in the recording studio, such as who messed up the most takes by laughing so much. Plus all the inside jokes.
And then I shall start talking about animated versions of Babylon 5. Especially certain characters' heads in jars at the Head Museum. Because, you know, Walter Koenig. And the comment about "Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor." Smirk, cough Alfred Bester Psi Corp cough*
And then, of course, get comfortable while I start Netflixing Babylon 5. And later, My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic. You think I'm kidding.
This is not the height of my nerdity, but it is close.
Also, I still need to find that Bab5 Psi Corp book series. Hello, Ebay, maybe?

fan·tas·tic   [fan-tas-tik]
adjective
1. conceived or appearing as if conceived by an unrestrained imagination; odd and remarkable; bizarre; grotesque.
2. fanciful or capricious, as persons or their ideas or actions.
3. imaginary or groundless in not being based on reality; foolish or irrational.
4. extravagantly fanciful; marvelous.
5. incredibly great or extreme; exorbitant.

So, my favorite Young Adult series is Kiersten White's Paranormalcy trilogy. The third book, 'Endlessly' will be out soon, and eventually there will be at least one movie. I've been reading Kiersten White's blog, and she is one of the most awesome people in the world - she's also my height, heh.

Recently, Kiersten wrote a post about how hard writing is, how it makes you bleed and sob and lose your mind some days. And I commented because I was so touched that she put it so well:

"Kiersten, thank you so, so, so so so so much for this post. It's what I needed. See, I've been working on this futuristic urban fantasy pagan polytheistic supernatural psychic power novel since I was 20 (I just turned 33) and I've almost finished it, but many, many things have derailed me. Illness and disability, mostly (I have a disability hearing in July and I'm so nervous I can't brain straight), and also growing up, because when you write, you always grow with your characters. And my characters have had over twelve years to grow, and dear gods, that feels like forever, doesn't it? Why can't I just finish it? Whhyyyyy? *cough*
There were many, many people who told me that I was writing a great book and that it would sell very well (lots of pagan readers out there, people getting tired of sexy vampires, whatever). But I have this shatteringly fragile sense of self that often rears up (especially after an epileptic seizure or a fibromyalgia flare) and points and laughs, "Ha, ha, you suck, your brain sucks, your book sucks, you will never be published, mwa ha ha..." And it takes me a while to do battle. I have a very pretty and deadly mental sword, though. I call her Phoenix.
So. Erm. Yes, well. I think I've said more than I'd expected to. Anyway.
Erm. Thank you. Yes! That's what I wanted to say. Also, that I pre-ordered Endlessly and am now clawing the couch the way my cat Luna does when she gets excited (get off the couch, Luna)."

The characters in this book are finally starting to yell again, so loudly that I can actually hear them, and I've been writing as hard as I can before the blocks rise again. Pulling myself away to work on the short stories has been also fantastic.

Got bored, went looking around for short science fiction and fantasy stories to read online. Found two that were very well-written.
http://www.short-story.me/science-fiction-stories/196-my-war-against-the-invisibles.html
http://www.short-story.me/science-fiction-stories/186-bjs-last-shift.html
Currently reading more from the science fiction section. Didn't really like the fantasy section much.

http://yuki-onna.livejournal.com/509086.html
One of my favorite authors, Catherynne M. Valente (she wrote the stunning Palimpsest), stands up for fantasy writers who are often "looked down upon" by some science fiction writers and readers.

http://io9.com/392396/how-to-be-totally-sophisticated
Awesome.
Also, I've bookmarked the Glossary Of Science Fiction Terms. Yay for Electric Monks!